The Risk

I peeked out from behind the trunk of a large tree and looked down both sides of the pathway.  I saw no one. I jumped out of the bush and brushed myself off. 

I raked my fingers through my hair, took a deep breath and prepared myself to walk out of the forest to the nearest phone booth.

I rehearsed in my mind what I was going to say and how I was going to say it a hundred times and never sounded right.

I didn't want to sound like a whiny, crybaby. But at the same, I didn't want to sound like I had all the answers either...I don't.

I was afraid of not being believed again or looked at as if I had some kind of mental illness.

On shaky legs I continued the walk, familiar clean smells of the forest around me.

It wasn't too long before I saw a phone booth sitting on the street corner in front of a store.

I juggled in my mind as to which friend was likely to be home. It was a coin toss but I couldn't spare the coin.

I dialed...a woman answered and I asked to speak to my friend.  "Sure Lea," she said.

Quickly, my friend came to the phone. " Where are you man, your Dad just keeps saying you're out." "I am out. Just not where you think" I said tiredly.  "Can you pick up our mutual friend and meet me at the park?  It's important."

I told him which park I was at and to meet me at the main entrance. "One more favor? Can you please bring something to eat? Maybe a drink?" "Sure," He said.  "He's not home until five. We'll come after. Sure you don't wanna tell me what's up?" "When you get here...hey...thank you."  I hung up and breathed a sigh of nervousness.  Now comes the hard part...being vulnerable once again. I had some time to think on the way back. 

I tossed around ideas like; keep walking east until I can't walk anymore.  Lie about my age so I could work.  Panhandle. 

Perhaps better just to lie low and stay where I am for a while.  I reached the park entrance sat down on a log and waited for my two friends. I leaned back to sip the air and get a taste of the cleanliness and freedom of it.

The whisper of pine needles and the pungent scent carried with them cleaned my senses. I slowly turned my mind back to the job at hand.

While rehashing ideas in my mind, I saw a black blur whizz by my head. Instantly I cowered, threw my arms up over my head, bowed my back and then I realized.

It was a large black bird....just a stupid fucken bird and I was a puddle!

Fury raged inside of me angry tears rolling down.  Mad at myself that I was so easily frightened! Angry also at the need to hide.

I couldn't go back, I'll never go back and I couldn't spend my life cowering from every movement around me!

Dusk was beginning to surround me. Forest arms reached out to caress me welcoming me back to the cradle.  Finally, I saw my two friends rounding the corner of the park entrance and in their hands was a pizza and a six-pack of pop.  My stomach rolled and growled just at the sight.

"Hi, guys.  Follow me."