Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "The Risk"Biography/Supernatural
9 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You showed the inbuilt fear you'd lived with when the black bird flew close by and the affect it has on you with each chapter you write, Lea. And a special comfort from your little mate. Well done,
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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You showed the inbuilt fear you'd lived with when the black bird flew close by and the affect it has on you with each chapter you write, Lea. And a special comfort from your little mate. Well done,
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Thanks so much again! How smart you are and how much you see is great indeed!
Your continued reading does me great honor. Truly it does and I didn't think or ever thought I could write anything. The thinking is changed because of yourself and others like you. have a great night!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm glad you called your friends and they were curious enough to come to see what you were doing. That pizza sounds good, even to me. Food at last. But, how will they receive your story? I'm moving on to the next chapter.
Suggestion for writing improvement: When you write dialogue, every time a different person speaks, they get a new paragraph line on the page. That's how the reader knows who is speaking. Here is an example from your text.
" Where are you man, your Dad just keeps saying you're out." "I am out. Just not where you think" I said tiredly. "Can you pick up our mutual friend and meet me at the park? It's important."
"Where are you man. Your Dad just keeps saying you're out."
"I am out, just not where you think," I said. "Can you pick up our mutual friend and meet me at the park? It's important."
When YOU speak you get a new paragraph line. If your friend speaks again, he gets a new paragraph. If you speak again, YOU get a new line, etc. You can google how to write dialogue for a better explanation.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2023
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I'm glad you called your friends and they were curious enough to come to see what you were doing. That pizza sounds good, even to me. Food at last. But, how will they receive your story? I'm moving on to the next chapter.
Suggestion for writing improvement: When you write dialogue, every time a different person speaks, they get a new paragraph line on the page. That's how the reader knows who is speaking. Here is an example from your text.
" Where are you man, your Dad just keeps saying you're out." "I am out. Just not where you think" I said tiredly. "Can you pick up our mutual friend and meet me at the park? It's important."
"Where are you man. Your Dad just keeps saying you're out."
"I am out, just not where you think," I said. "Can you pick up our mutual friend and meet me at the park? It's important."
When YOU speak you get a new paragraph line. If your friend speaks again, he gets a new paragraph. If you speak again, YOU get a new line, etc. You can google how to write dialogue for a better explanation.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2023
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I understand great advice, thank you. I appreciate any comments designed to assist. Because those kinds of things are gold. That's how we learn how I learn and thank you for your edit suggestions. I gotta go ahead and do that. I am a bit of an amateur. In fact, I've only started writing a while back last fall. Almost a year now I think but having your support and others is amazing. I will go ahead and employ those changes. Thank you again, have an amazing night!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
Another tense chapter in your story. I'm not an English major, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think if you separate your dialogue into when you speak and when your friend speaks, it might be less confusing. I thought that each time a different speaker said something, it required a new line. I could be wrong though easily. Nonetheless, the story is unfolding in a way that leaves me feeling all the tension of your situation. Thanks for sharing.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Hello Lea,
Another tense chapter in your story. I'm not an English major, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think if you separate your dialogue into when you speak and when your friend speaks, it might be less confusing. I thought that each time a different speaker said something, it required a new line. I could be wrong though easily. Nonetheless, the story is unfolding in a way that leaves me feeling all the tension of your situation. Thanks for sharing.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Tom good idea, thank you so much as you may have noticed. I keep names out, so I'm limited to. He, him, guy things like that.
That's a good point though. I think I'll go ahead and make that a little bit clearer. Thank you, Tom, for your fine review as always, I do appreciate it. And thanks for hanging in there and reading along with me. I have a feeling I'm not alone anymore. Have yourself a great night!
Comment from Douglas Goff
Very good read. You can feel the intensity of emotions that you are relaying.
One suggestion:
I think dialled is dialed.
This story made me want to read more. Great job.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Very good read. You can feel the intensity of emotions that you are relaying.
One suggestion:
I think dialled is dialed.
This story made me want to read more. Great job.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Hi, Douglas thank you so much. I appreciate you stopping here for a read. I really do appreciate your comments too. And I'm gonna go ahead and make that correction. If you wish you can visit my portfolio. And there is a book called ghost and is the chapter's prior to this one. You're welcome to read them if you wish. I thank you very much for hanging in there. And some of this stuff is a hard redino. I appreciate your kind remarks. I hope you have an awesome evening!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
This is really good...little bites of progress toward figuring out a plan, mixed with the anxiety that accompanies the unknown. Fourteen-almost-fifteen and required to be so world-wise already. Thank goodness for your inner strength and savvy personality! xo
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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This is really good...little bites of progress toward figuring out a plan, mixed with the anxiety that accompanies the unknown. Fourteen-almost-fifteen and required to be so world-wise already. Thank goodness for your inner strength and savvy personality! xo
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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As always, you make me smile with your kind reviews. I'm so happy you're along for the ride and my initial feelings. Of fear have been assuaged somewhat. And you are responsible, so thank don't. I can't stop saying how much I appreciate it! Is new chapters today. Have an awesome afternoon!
Comment from Jim Wile
It's certainly understandable how things can freak you out like that black bird suddenly appearing. That's no way to have to live, but not at all surprising for one who has been frightened as much as you had been. Sounds like you've got some good friends you reached out to. Let's hope they believe you and can provide the support you need. - Jim
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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It's certainly understandable how things can freak you out like that black bird suddenly appearing. That's no way to have to live, but not at all surprising for one who has been frightened as much as you had been. Sounds like you've got some good friends you reached out to. Let's hope they believe you and can provide the support you need. - Jim
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Thank you Jim they did support me in as much as young teenagers can.
It took me a long time to stop cowering stop covering myself up. I still flinch when people make sudden moves around me. Not so much now but occasionally I will flinch out loud noise or someone comes up to me or gets too close TI remind myself I'm not that child anymore and so I stop eventually it won't happen again. I think even after I finish writing this I can close the door on it all? Cause it's done I have done everything I can do everything that I can. I hope it helps the people and saves at least one child's childhood. Thank you again for reading and offering your thoughts. Always. Compassionate and insightful hope the sun's shining where you're at!
Comment from BethShelby
I'm glad you had friends you could confide in and who were willing to help you out. I'm glad your friends believed you when you told them what was going on. I remember people from when I was in school telling us how bad things were at home and how they were planning to run away. We found it hard to believe things could be that bad, but I tend to believe they were telling the truth.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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I'm glad you had friends you could confide in and who were willing to help you out. I'm glad your friends believed you when you told them what was going on. I remember people from when I was in school telling us how bad things were at home and how they were planning to run away. We found it hard to believe things could be that bad, but I tend to believe they were telling the truth.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Yeah, when you think it's the worst. It can get even more worse.
Living in fear everyday exhaust, you even an energetic child, always hyper, vigilant, always sensitive to everything around takes it's toll.
I did a lot of work to come out on top. And now it is time to reveal all. There may be repercussions that is no longer my issue.
I know what I'm doing is the right thing. Not only for myself but for others to know and watch. Thanks, and if will I do help someone then I'm happy and satisfied..
Thank you so much again I always look forward to your reviews. I hope theirs sunshine where you are!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I can feel the tension in your words as you await your friend's visit. Also the hunger that's driven you to expose your whereabouts, albeit to a hopefully trustworthy boy. Another excellent and engaging chapter. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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I can feel the tension in your words as you await your friend's visit. Also the hunger that's driven you to expose your whereabouts, albeit to a hopefully trustworthy boy. Another excellent and engaging chapter. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Hi Debbie thank you again! I so appreciate your comments completely and totally. I appreciate your review and for the things you pick up from my writing. It was exactly what I wish to convey. You're understanding and your insight is awesome, thank you again!
Comment from JSD
Once again your poetry and style make this a great read. And things are slowly getting happier. Hooray! The attack of the bird is brilliantly described and the joy of the pizza, pop and friends is palpable. Well done. X
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Once again your poetry and style make this a great read. And things are slowly getting happier. Hooray! The attack of the bird is brilliantly described and the joy of the pizza, pop and friends is palpable. Well done. X
Comment Written 12-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2023
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Thank you j
John i'm really glad you liked it! Pros and cons for me, it was a matter of weighing them. If the pro's out way the cons then go for it!
People will have my ups and Downs. People will keep asking me how I do what I do. The answer can only come from my history and the events that ensued. Thank you again always like seeing you come up. May the force be with you l o l!
