THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Kyre's Play and the Pliancy of Time"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
39 total reviews
Comment from Zue65
Oh well, so the saga of Doctrex and Axtilla is still here and available for review. As expected the plot thickens with mental dialogue, delving on the spiritual and the supernatural realm. I am not really into this genre but the story plot is unique and interesting. Kyre, Guinot, Axtilla and now Pondria, are all interesting personalities worth reading.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Oh well, so the saga of Doctrex and Axtilla is still here and available for review. As expected the plot thickens with mental dialogue, delving on the spiritual and the supernatural realm. I am not really into this genre but the story plot is unique and interesting. Kyre, Guinot, Axtilla and now Pondria, are all interesting personalities worth reading.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Thank you, friend. LOL, you sounded a little jaded with the first sentence. It is about time to call in the threads and end the saga, though--if for no other reason than I need to start editing it. Thanks for reading!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Another excellent chapter continuing the conversation, or rather the 'instructional' from Kyre. Fate doesn't give a f*** for personal concerns sometimes. LOL
Earlier, in my room, she kept calling me Doctrex - the 'i' of in needs to be put into italics too.
The punctuating of Kyre's speech with expressions and details such as the jellybean give a very immersive feel.
"what is the military without law? I think this should start with a capital following the full stop of the previous sentence.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Hi Jay,
Another excellent chapter continuing the conversation, or rather the 'instructional' from Kyre. Fate doesn't give a f*** for personal concerns sometimes. LOL
Earlier, in my room, she kept calling me Doctrex - the 'i' of in needs to be put into italics too.
The punctuating of Kyre's speech with expressions and details such as the jellybean give a very immersive feel.
"what is the military without law? I think this should start with a capital following the full stop of the previous sentence.
All the best
G
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Thanks, G, for hanging in there with this. I took care of the "i". I'll go check into the capping of "What". I appreciate the close read.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hi Jay,
This is written well. It's complicated, and a bit frustrating, like trying to make sense of the Bible. I look forward to seeing what happens next. I had a feeling that I'd see Axtilla again, and it seems that will be the case.
No SPAG noted. Some of the sentences are a but awkward, but that's one opinion.
He sighed, I thought to milk out the drama.
He caught me blinking and silent a few seconds longer than an effective rebuttal would allow.
He'd spent too much time building up alibis in his mind and seeking out witnesses of Zurn's courage in battle to desert him now.
Well done, and write on,
Lana
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Hi Jay,
This is written well. It's complicated, and a bit frustrating, like trying to make sense of the Bible. I look forward to seeing what happens next. I had a feeling that I'd see Axtilla again, and it seems that will be the case.
No SPAG noted. Some of the sentences are a but awkward, but that's one opinion.
He sighed, I thought to milk out the drama.
He caught me blinking and silent a few seconds longer than an effective rebuttal would allow.
He'd spent too much time building up alibis in his mind and seeking out witnesses of Zurn's courage in battle to desert him now.
Well done, and write on,
Lana
Comment Written 20-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Hey, Lana, huge thanks for reading this and taking the time to point out the sentences that sounded awkward to you. I'll give each of them careful consideration. If you think "He caught me blinking and silent a few seconds longer than an effective rebuttal would allow," was awkward, you should have read the versions I had before that. I must have altered that sentence a dozen times before I settled on the one here. Maybe I settle a little too soon. I'll give them some thought. Again, thanks, Lana. You are a gem!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wow, what an array of emotions in this chapter! You have shown the pain Pondria feels at the loss of the love of his life, the frustration with Kyre, and even a need to be the soldier he's trained to be.
The craziness of Kyre's explanation of things is a bit confusing, but that's okay, not everything in life is simple! And thus Pondria's dilemma.
I absolutely love the description of Kyre as a businessman chomping on jelly beans. Way too funny.
And here I thought it was all over...
Great job,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Wow, what an array of emotions in this chapter! You have shown the pain Pondria feels at the loss of the love of his life, the frustration with Kyre, and even a need to be the soldier he's trained to be.
The craziness of Kyre's explanation of things is a bit confusing, but that's okay, not everything in life is simple! And thus Pondria's dilemma.
I absolutely love the description of Kyre as a businessman chomping on jelly beans. Way too funny.
And here I thought it was all over...
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Pondria's direct confrontation with Kyre is probably over. But his influence will be felt. Thanks so much for the six stars, Rhonda.
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That's cool, and you are quite welcome! Great story, and I can't wait to see how it works out.
Comment from MelReyn
Kyre is a jerk. No, he's more than a jerk. He's cruel, but with an odd twist to him. Perhaps it's the god part. I'll admit he reminds me a little of Q on Next Gen. He likes to play with mortals, mess with time, use his powers for his own amusement... is a sarcastic and arrogant guy, much like Q. I wonder how Pondria can ever win against such odds. (Somehow, I think he will.)
The moment with Axtilla was touching and heartbreaking. So sad. Pondria sounded so broken. :(
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Kyre is a jerk. No, he's more than a jerk. He's cruel, but with an odd twist to him. Perhaps it's the god part. I'll admit he reminds me a little of Q on Next Gen. He likes to play with mortals, mess with time, use his powers for his own amusement... is a sarcastic and arrogant guy, much like Q. I wonder how Pondria can ever win against such odds. (Somehow, I think he will.)
The moment with Axtilla was touching and heartbreaking. So sad. Pondria sounded so broken. :(
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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I'm not familiar with Q. I had a lot of fun developing Kyre. Every time I tried to make him more god-like the clown kept taking over. Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope you decide to come back.
Comment from MTF1955
another fascinating chapter. You make us feel Pondria's pain through excellent description and dialogue. Mary
Thought he was already on his knees in the opening paragraph.
. Together, they gently urged me to my knees.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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another fascinating chapter. You make us feel Pondria's pain through excellent description and dialogue. Mary
Thought he was already on his knees in the opening paragraph.
. Together, they gently urged me to my knees.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Good point, that. I'll have to play around with it. He was on his knees and elbows. Kyre brought him up to his knees. Thanks for the good eye, Mary.
Comment from LIJ Red
Well written as always, Jay. I am recalling, rather too late, the danger in shifty points of view. Your steady gaze through Doctrex's POV is a good
model. It's sad to look around and realize that decent writing is never as
easy as you thought...excellent chapter, but what are you setting the stage for?
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Well written as always, Jay. I am recalling, rather too late, the danger in shifty points of view. Your steady gaze through Doctrex's POV is a good
model. It's sad to look around and realize that decent writing is never as
easy as you thought...excellent chapter, but what are you setting the stage for?
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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I'm setting the stage for a final showdown with Rhuether. It should be good. I so want to type THE END to the Trining. Thanks for your help throughout, especially the pump. It wasn't necessary, you know. But appreciated.
Comment from c_lucas
One cannot avoid their destiny. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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One cannot avoid their destiny. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Thanks,Charlie. I appreciate your reading this.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. This is a most well- written story. i found it fascinating and the kind of book that would be hard to put down. I didn't find any errors in grammar or otherwise. Good work.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Excellent. This is a most well- written story. i found it fascinating and the kind of book that would be hard to put down. I didn't find any errors in grammar or otherwise. Good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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I'm happy you liked this Prettybluebirds. I hope to see you for the rest of the chapters. Thanks for your kindness.
