Love Confusion

Our 'love' was just lust fifty years ago
But neither of us recognized it as so
All the times we couldn't wait to meet
The nights that we would give up sleep
Our disagreements were settled in bed
While frequent apologies often were said

We 'married in haste, repented at leisure'
Time brought us anger and less pleasure
We discovered not the reason, but fought
Frequently as we both got distraught
Felt trapped but neither would ever admit
But somehow we declined to commit

I started to be depressed but never saw
How his volatility brought it to the fore
His punishing silences hurt me as well
I felt I lived isolated in a prison cell
The good times seemed to fade away
Resentments grew each and every day

Our family was loved but we thought
They didn't hurt to see us distraught
He went into rages in different phases
I tried to hide my tears from little faces
It took me four decades to discover
What his verbal abuse would uncover

His personality disorder was narcissism
Which brought out my worst sarcasm
He refused to discuss it, denying it all
For all the many times I could recall
At last, I've come to an internal calm
The toxicity I've learned how to disarm

We live more like roommates, it's sad
My communication makes him mad
He has a good heart, yet plays a role
Won't get help his behavior to control
I'm always at fault when we're alone
Yet socially, I'm "the best he's known"