| General Script posted April 2, 2025 |
a scene with Pons and Ned etal
Scene at Cast Meeting 5
by Bill Schott
 Pons as Himself
Ned as Hisself Pez as The Law Pallas as Hamburger Victim Lisa (Felix's girlfriend) as Public Defender
Fox as Felix Fine, PI Felix as Fox Fine, PU
Matt as Witness
Jiffy as Second Witness GED (Ned's clone) as Suspect
Lois (Fox's girlfriend) as coroner
Scar (Pons' clone) as The Mayor
DED as Himself (Agent of Death)
============================================================
Last scene:
Fox : Okay, we will split up. You talk to GED and the public defender's office, and I will track down these two witnesses.
Felix : Who's going to the morgue?
Fox : You check out the corpse and take some pictures if possible.
============================================
The scene opens inside a jail cell. GED sits handcuffed to his bunkbed, sitting across from Lisa Pleaser, the Public Defender, and Fox Fine, a private eye.
Bill: We couldn't get a scene set up for the public defender's office so I talked the sheriff into letting us practice in this cell.
Lisa: It would have been nice if they'd have flushed the toilet, mopped up the vomit, and, seriously, have these mattresses burned.
Bill: I'll add that to my thank you note.
GED: Will there be a lunch today, Bill?
Bill: I will need to check the budget -- no. Okay -- action!
Lisa: Hello, uh, Geed -- is it?
GED: It has a J sound. GED. It is an acronym.
Felix: So you're part of a cult?
GED: Of course not. Why would you say that?
Felix: Well, you know -- strange name, you look like Ned, killing people, etcetera, etcetera.
Lisa: You do look a lot like Ned.
GED: Not in a cult.
Felix: Odd name.
GED: I did not choose the name.
Felix: So -- not the cult leader.
Lisa: Who named you?
All three people look downstage and up.
Bill: Do we need to do this now? I'm the director, y'know. This is a murder investigation.
Lisa: We'll work out this cult thread and you can regale us with your brilliant mind.
Felix: Are you speaking to me or Bill?
Laughter breaks out off the set as everyone reacts to Felix's question.
Bill: Okay, I wanted more characters so I began with the alphabet and Ned.
Felix: Wow, that's hard to imagine -- Ned and the alphabet.
Bill: I created BED, who would be a narcoleptic. CED, well, he is sort of here. DED, that was an easy one. EED -- pass. FED, an overeater. GED, General Equivolency Dude. He would either be an android or a clone. HED, a brainiac; IED, another acronym -- Improved Emotional Dynamo -- Gee, I have never used him for anything.
Lisa: Why does it have to be a guy? Couldn't a woman be an improved emotional dynamo?
Bill: Touché.
Felix: Yeah, Lisa. Why so touchy.
Bill: JED, well, I had a Jed with GED. KED, was always running around. LED was a devout religious figure. MED, a drug peddler. OED, was supposed to only speak in Old English, but it was really more work with practically zero positive feedback. PED is KED's interdimensional counterpart. QED, nah. RED is Pon's cousin who is just a mean soul. He is also D-Red, DED's flunky and dead bug collector. SED, never explored that. TED -- hmm -- I will need to find a place for Ted. UED, no, VED, no, WED, is always on a honeymoon with someone different. XED and YED are unused, but ZED is Ned's and Pons' uncle.
Felix: Whew! Sorry we asked. Can we get on with this now?
Lisa: Why did the officer who arrested you think you were the murderer?
GED: He thought I was beating the victim.
Felix: What were you doing?
GED: I was applying artificial respiration.
Lisa: The victim was beaten severely -- described as hamburger.
GED: Well I was fresh out of gauze and tape, so I thought I'd make sure he, or it, was alive.
Felix: Did you save him?
GED: My arrest for murder suggests that I did not.
Lisa: Who is the deceased?
Pez: (voice comes from outside the cell door) I can answer that, Ma'am.
Felix: Hey, Pez -- uh, I mean, Deputy.
Pez: The victim's name was Ced Cadaver.
Lisa: A friend I have in Washington says that CED is Latin for "go".
Felix: Go, Cadaver, go, go cadaver!
Lisa: Felix, please! A man is dead.
Pez: According to the coroner, Ced Cadaver is a woman.
To be continued...
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