St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "St. Louis Chapter 30 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
20 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
You do a great job of building the tension. I was on the edge of my seat reading this. These are the sort of men that run into danger while the rest of us run the other way. I am glad they found Mack, but you give us a great cliff hanger. I'm glad I can go straight to part two of this chapter to find out more.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2020
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You do a great job of building the tension. I was on the edge of my seat reading this. These are the sort of men that run into danger while the rest of us run the other way. I am glad they found Mack, but you give us a great cliff hanger. I'm glad I can go straight to part two of this chapter to find out more.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Janann Giles
I liked it - especially the fact you led us into this post with the ending of the previous post. Certainly a book I would read. I do have a pet peeve but didn't mark down for it - I dislike having a breakdown of all the characters - I know many people want that but I enjoy finding out who everyone is as I read.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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I liked it - especially the fact you led us into this post with the ending of the previous post. Certainly a book I would read. I do have a pet peeve but didn't mark down for it - I dislike having a breakdown of all the characters - I know many people want that but I enjoy finding out who everyone is as I read.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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I have received, many times, less stars for not having that list doing. I finally gave in and started doing it. Thank you for the kind review.
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Each to their own - my thinking is that movies don't give you a detailed list of all actors and parts at the beginning - why does a book have to. If that's what people want - keep doing it.
Comment from AJ McCall
I love how easily I could read this without having to see any mistakes. I could definitely see this playing in my head like a movie. It's a great plot and I love that you added the characters and their names at the end so that first-time readers (like me) know who the characters are what they're doing. I really enjoyed it!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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I love how easily I could read this without having to see any mistakes. I could definitely see this playing in my head like a movie. It's a great plot and I love that you added the characters and their names at the end so that first-time readers (like me) know who the characters are what they're doing. I really enjoyed it!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review and welcome.
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You're welcome!
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction in continuation having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
The story is moving forward slowly, but steadily. Ultimately, Mac is rescued ALMOST unhurt, and carried to the ambulance.
Her actual condition is likely to come in light later in the next part.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction in continuation having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
The story is moving forward slowly, but steadily. Ultimately, Mac is rescued ALMOST unhurt, and carried to the ambulance.
Her actual condition is likely to come in light later in the next part.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Yes. her condition is the subject of the next post. Thank you for the kind review.
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Barbara.Wilkey, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Wow - you took me on an experience I will never be a part of but can partially imagine now. You built it all up nicely, kept it real and interesting. I look forward to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Wow - you took me on an experience I will never be a part of but can partially imagine now. You built it all up nicely, kept it real and interesting. I look forward to the next chapter!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Wow, so here is the climax with final rescue. I thought the action flowed well. I am hoping Mac is ok. I think there were a few little things to improve on:
then snuck out
No matter what the popular vernacular calls for, the past tense of 'sneak' is still 'sneaked.'
Unconscious, laid Mac.
This sounds awkward. I would suggest just saying:
Mac lay on the floor, unconscious. Or add another detail, like: Mac lay in a rumpled, bloody heap on the floor, unconscious.
"Move over there so we can do our job."
Just add a comma after the word there, since there are two independent clauses here in a compound sentence.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Wow, so here is the climax with final rescue. I thought the action flowed well. I am hoping Mac is ok. I think there were a few little things to improve on:
then snuck out
No matter what the popular vernacular calls for, the past tense of 'sneak' is still 'sneaked.'
Unconscious, laid Mac.
This sounds awkward. I would suggest just saying:
Mac lay on the floor, unconscious. Or add another detail, like: Mac lay in a rumpled, bloody heap on the floor, unconscious.
"Move over there so we can do our job."
Just add a comma after the word there, since there are two independent clauses here in a compound sentence.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the help. I have made the corrections.
Comment from Joann Alexander
I really enjoyed reading this story. AT times I felt you needed a little more meat to the story. Climax came quickly and some readers like all the details. But that is personal reading and I liked it very much.
Joann
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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I really enjoyed reading this story. AT times I felt you needed a little more meat to the story. Climax came quickly and some readers like all the details. But that is personal reading and I liked it very much.
Joann
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you but some readers don't like reading tons of details, like me. When I am reviewing, if the story goes into too much detail, I skip it and go on to something else.
Comment from estory
You had some great chapters leading up to this and I was kind of surprised to be disappointed in this chapter. I thought you could have done a better job with the action here. Basically you just narrated the scene when the cops break down the door and start firing and the bad guys fire back. I think it would have been much better if you had told this as an eye witness account from the point of view of one of the cops and put us in the middle of the scene. Some yelling and screaming, the air of confusion, and some dialogue with the rescued hostages would have all lifted this to another level. estory
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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You had some great chapters leading up to this and I was kind of surprised to be disappointed in this chapter. I thought you could have done a better job with the action here. Basically you just narrated the scene when the cops break down the door and start firing and the bad guys fire back. I think it would have been much better if you had told this as an eye witness account from the point of view of one of the cops and put us in the middle of the scene. Some yelling and screaming, the air of confusion, and some dialogue with the rescued hostages would have all lifted this to another level. estory
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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I am not big into writing violence. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
A well written piece that is put together very well indeed;-)
The entire flow of the story is right on time! I sort of got lost within the characters, but that's nothing to big! They are just hard to keep up with, in my opinion!
Thank you so much for sharing;-)
Many blessings;-)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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A well written piece that is put together very well indeed;-)
The entire flow of the story is right on time! I sort of got lost within the characters, but that's nothing to big! They are just hard to keep up with, in my opinion!
Thank you so much for sharing;-)
Many blessings;-)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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;-)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, I hope she wasn't raped, she'd have a hell of a time getting her head round that is she has. And Logan will be spitting blood! Which he is anyway. This was an excellent part, Barb. I wonder who the other girls were, what were they doing there? Not nice. Well done, my friend, a really exciting part. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Oh, I hope she wasn't raped, she'd have a hell of a time getting her head round that is she has. And Logan will be spitting blood! Which he is anyway. This was an excellent part, Barb. I wonder who the other girls were, what were they doing there? Not nice. Well done, my friend, a really exciting part. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
