THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Pondria Visits Three Viktors"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
29 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
I hang on the edge waiting, clever thought twist and turn, voices ringing, time passing, it will be soon, the game is on and I am like the voices running after the why, care I, yes guess and push on, Walt
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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I hang on the edge waiting, clever thought twist and turn, voices ringing, time passing, it will be soon, the game is on and I am like the voices running after the why, care I, yes guess and push on, Walt
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Thanks one more time for your loyal following of this novel. It's almost over. Then the edit begins. Once again, your six stars humble me. Thanks for that!
Comment from Sis Cat
"Without Axtilla," I continued, "do you think I care whether your prophesy fizzles out?"
Doctrex experiences a crisis of faith following the death of Axtilla. While this is fantasy, this chapter raises the "Why, God?" question that people ask after catastrophes. His conversation with the shape-shifting, body possessing Kyre was surreal. The jellybeans reminded me of Ronald Reagan who loved them.
I am awed at the craft employed to create this world. It seems like magic, but is a lot of hard work.
Thank you for sharing and entertaining.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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"Without Axtilla," I continued, "do you think I care whether your prophesy fizzles out?"
Doctrex experiences a crisis of faith following the death of Axtilla. While this is fantasy, this chapter raises the "Why, God?" question that people ask after catastrophes. His conversation with the shape-shifting, body possessing Kyre was surreal. The jellybeans reminded me of Ronald Reagan who loved them.
I am awed at the craft employed to create this world. It seems like magic, but is a lot of hard work.
Thank you for sharing and entertaining.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2016
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Thanks you, Andre. You have always been here to support my writing, and I appreciate it. The hard work part of it is accurate. It seems nothing comes easily to me when I write. I REALLY appreciate your generous remarks, my friend.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Another very solid write, Jay. Questions answered, questions raised. Way to keep the pages turning!
The emotions were strongly drawn out. I felt for Pondria - his pain, his despondency. I really enjoyed the way you described the way the bird changed. Fantastic paragraph!
A few comments for your consideration, my friend:
my ripeness scooped out like a melon - excellent visual
under his closed eye. - I wonder if 'beneath' would work better than 'under'.
Don't you see there's nothing more you can do to me, Kyre. - should this have a question mark?
I could never figure out how it worked, only that it did - I believe the latter part of this sentence should read... I only knew that it did. Otherwise, it doesn't really make sense. See what you think.
Look forward to the next, Jay!
Av
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Another very solid write, Jay. Questions answered, questions raised. Way to keep the pages turning!
The emotions were strongly drawn out. I felt for Pondria - his pain, his despondency. I really enjoyed the way you described the way the bird changed. Fantastic paragraph!
A few comments for your consideration, my friend:
my ripeness scooped out like a melon - excellent visual
under his closed eye. - I wonder if 'beneath' would work better than 'under'.
Don't you see there's nothing more you can do to me, Kyre. - should this have a question mark?
I could never figure out how it worked, only that it did - I believe the latter part of this sentence should read... I only knew that it did. Otherwise, it doesn't really make sense. See what you think.
Look forward to the next, Jay!
Av
Comment Written 16-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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All three suggestions adopted. I am the official adoption agency for FanStorian's creative children. Your always seem so well mannered. Thanks, Av.
Comment from country ranch writer
hum it has been a long time coming for the return of the real Doctrex, to take over the role of savior once again to fulfill the prophecy
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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hum it has been a long time coming for the return of the real Doctrex, to take over the role of savior once again to fulfill the prophecy
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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You start humming it. I'll join in when I know where it's going? LOL, thanks, B.J.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hi Jay,
This is lovely writing. I see no SPAG. This story is certainly complicated. I look forward to finding out what happens next.
Well done, and write on,
Lana
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Hi Jay,
This is lovely writing. I see no SPAG. This story is certainly complicated. I look forward to finding out what happens next.
Well done, and write on,
Lana
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thanks Lana for the six, yes, but the generous words especially.
Comment from boxergirl
Good job, Jay, as always. :-)
I can feel pondrias frustration and grief. Your descriptive details provide strong imagery, especially with the jellybeans. :-)
Will Axtilla and Pondria be reunited some way? You can make that happen, Jay! Lol
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Good job, Jay, as always. :-)
I can feel pondrias frustration and grief. Your descriptive details provide strong imagery, especially with the jellybeans. :-)
Will Axtilla and Pondria be reunited some way? You can make that happen, Jay! Lol
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Ah, Karen, but I'm usually the last to know. See what I can do. Meantime, thanks for the six stars!
Comment from foxangie123
I remember back in the past where that did happen. There are two Kings on this site and it's you and Dean Kuch. If only I could be a writer such as yall. This is perfect like always. I love to come across your work whether already read or not. It's worth a million reads like a movie you watch over and over.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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I remember back in the past where that did happen. There are two Kings on this site and it's you and Dean Kuch. If only I could be a writer such as yall. This is perfect like always. I love to come across your work whether already read or not. It's worth a million reads like a movie you watch over and over.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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You are so sweet, Angie. Thanks for your kind words.
Comment from Spitfire
Mind boggling notes on the three viktors. I get the general idea of incarnations which appeals to my own beliefs. A clever touch with the villain eating jellybeans, especially the red ones; maybe green for jealousy.
One suggestion: His brows were raised inquiringly above icy-blue eyes, conveying a haughty while somewhat bored look-- this seems wordy and awkward. Sounds as if he's a puppet and someone is pulling the strings attached to his brows. LOL
Maybe: His thin brows shot up in a questioning look. Yet his ice-blue eyes looked bored.
Love this sentence:
How complicated it gets when one cannot successfully kill oneself."
I wonder....
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Mind boggling notes on the three viktors. I get the general idea of incarnations which appeals to my own beliefs. A clever touch with the villain eating jellybeans, especially the red ones; maybe green for jealousy.
One suggestion: His brows were raised inquiringly above icy-blue eyes, conveying a haughty while somewhat bored look-- this seems wordy and awkward. Sounds as if he's a puppet and someone is pulling the strings attached to his brows. LOL
Maybe: His thin brows shot up in a questioning look. Yet his ice-blue eyes looked bored.
Love this sentence:
How complicated it gets when one cannot successfully kill oneself."
I wonder....
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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I answered this already ... don't you hate it when that happens? I'm gonna mull over your suggestion about the wordiness in that one part. You might well be right, but I need to make sure I'm keeping the character "in character." I'm thrilled though that you're reading it with an eye to improvement. I VALUE those reviews more than you know.
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It's nice when writers don't take offense where offense is not meant. :)
Comment from Selina Stambi
Okay, Jay, I exhale with relief at the thought that the two might be reunited in spirit at least. (I do have a sneaking suspicion that you h ave some surprise up your sleeve!).
The complexity of this tale keeps me on my toes with furrowed brow and narrowed eye, friend.
Well done, though I wish the chapters were a wee bit less lengthy. (My time is so restricted).
Have a productive writing week.
Sonali
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Okay, Jay, I exhale with relief at the thought that the two might be reunited in spirit at least. (I do have a sneaking suspicion that you h ave some surprise up your sleeve!).
The complexity of this tale keeps me on my toes with furrowed brow and narrowed eye, friend.
Well done, though I wish the chapters were a wee bit less lengthy. (My time is so restricted).
Have a productive writing week.
Sonali
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Sonali. I appreciate your kindness. As always. Yeah, I know it was a tad long. You know how artificial the posting lengths are compared to actual books. I would never have lopped off a chapter where I did on this one. I'm just happy you read it, though.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, it's quite the chapter. He is pleading to and fro with Kyre begging to be killed, because without Axtilla he can't live. You leave us still not any the wiser what Kyle is intending. Very well written as usual. Looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Wow, it's quite the chapter. He is pleading to and fro with Kyre begging to be killed, because without Axtilla he can't live. You leave us still not any the wiser what Kyle is intending. Very well written as usual. Looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Ulla. I think you'll enjoy the last few chapters. I've thrown in some curves.
