Comment from bob cullen

Exceptional

This is brilliant, Jay.

I read this without any knowledge of the story's background and it flowed superbly. The dialogue was credible, the characters were real and the story demanded absolute attention.

I will have to read more, though I'm not sure how much longer I'll be on fanstory. I'm posting the final two excerpts from Calin Roberts today and tomorrow, then I'm taking a break.

Allow me to take this opportunity to thank you for the unbelievable assistance you have provided. I know I am a better writer because of your editing skills and for that I will always be grateful.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015

Thank you so much for the sixer. You'll be happy to know yours is the 26th review I have been waiting for for twenty-four hours, and thought I wouldn't get. It pushed it over into ATB. It's appreciated, friend. Taking a break from Fan Story. Is that legal? You should check your contract with them. I don't think it is.

You are a superb writer, Bob, and if you are patient I know you will find a publisher for your brilliant novels. I think you should be looking for an agent and let him do the work for you.

Thanks again for the encouragement and the super rating. Please do keep in touch.

reply by bob cullen on 25-Mar-2015

Thank you, Jay. That is my intention. I will keep in touch and thank you again

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

but too old to require care or supervision. - Is that you meant? too old? Just wondering.

I don't know the story, but I paid attention to writing skills and tried to focus on SPAG issues. You write very well, and also no errors that I noticed. Keep up the great work. Drew

 Comment Written 24-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015

Drew, you used to read my Trilogy, The Trining. I always appreciated your input. I hope this means you'll give some of the future chapters a chance. Thank you so much for visiting.

Comment from madhatter1977

Excellent

Hi, Jay, without reading the previous chapters I think this is really interesting with subterfuge from the General, yet it's unclear who is being set up. That brings a lot of drama to the table! I will read on when you post more and look forward to your novella. Best wishes, Pete :)

 Comment Written 24-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015

So glad you got a chance to read this, Pete. Sure, this is Book III of a trilogy. I don't think you'll ever be able to get "up to speed" on this. I just thought you'd enjoy getting a taste of my style. That said, my novella is an entirely different voice. Thanks again for your kindness and rating.

reply by madhatter1977 on 24-Mar-2015

Thanks, Jay, I look forward to a fresh start with the novella! Pete :)

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

There is a lot going on here and you are holding it back Like a string to pull so we stay interested, A CAT AND MOUSE GAME THIS IS COMING ALONG VERY WELL MY FRIEND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Hey! Good seeing you back here, B.J. I'm so happy this resonated with you. Thanks for your kind words and rating.

reply by country ranch writer on 24-Mar-2015

NEVER LEFT DEAR FRIEND ON HERE AS USUAL JUST CRAZY TIMES HAD THINGS TO TAKE CARE OF LATELY--HUGS

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

A very well penned chapter. Yes I agree with the General, medics are courageous and they are usually unsung heroes. It was a good way of getting him to safety. Well done.

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Thanks, Lance. So glad you got to read this. I was not too happy with it. It still needs work. I appreciate your kind encouragement.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Jay,

Nice to get to know the depth of Doctrex with his inner thoughts, and trying to pen the letter to Braims.

Always nice to read/visualize things like:
I rolled the quill between my thumb and forefinger,

Also, describing where/how to find the three bodies.

Good chapter moving things forward.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Yeah, I liked that quill-rolling image too. If I had him doing it fast enough, or it was a large enough feather, I could have the wind caused by it ruffling his hair. Whatcha think? Thanks, Jax. I love hearing from you and playing with you.

reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 23-Mar-2015

LOL.... Ruffling his hair would lend a whole new meaning. (*<*)

Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

This is another well written chapter in the saga. All good. However, I thought this one sentence was too long and ponderous--it doesn't get across fast enough. Perhaps the subject is too far removed? Maybe look at it again and re-phrase, or make into two sentences...you decide. Here it is:
More than anything, I was certain in the moments after the intent of the letter sank in, and his eyes raised and found Garvin's, there would be something silently affirming going out between them in that singular instant their eyes would lock on each other's.

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Thanks for reading and for your observation. You weren't the first to say that, but coming from you I'll take a closer look. Thanks.

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

I feel like I'm watching a mini series. This chapter is like a set up for a huge moment coming up. Good imagery in tjis chapter. I loved the line where Doctrex scratched his chin while writing the leyter. Something about the way you described the scene with the brush and the grayness was awesome. I kept going back to it. It was like a captivating snapshot. Really good writing.

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Thank you, Gretchen. This was a terribly difficult chapter to write for some reason. It's nice though to get such enthusiastic reviews. I appreciate you.

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

This was an interesting scene Jay. The descriptive details and dialogue were strong and I am happy that Garvin may have a chance to stay with Braims.

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Thank you so much, Boxergirl. The heavy action is just around the corner. Doctrex is about to meet his nemesis, Glnot Rhuether.

Comment from krprice

Excellent

Check your punctuation, particularly commas.

Delete unnecessary 'that's.

Run the 'find' program, looking for 'I knew', and delete them. There are two of them.

Another excellent chapter.

Karlene

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015

Thanks, Karlene. Appreciate the time spent.