THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "BURROWING LIKE BRAIN-WORMS (Pt 2)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
26 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
is ruether panicking for real or is it only something doctrex wants to believe?
and something just came into my mind - but this can be explained later on - if glnot is sucha powerful magician - why doesn't he simply kill them all with a magic? he could easily suck life out of all of them the way he did with the young soldier. or send more big birds and throw fire balls on them until the last man would turn into ash. why doesn't he use all his forces to stop them? this is just me musing...
for the technical side of the writing i have no suggestions. enjoying the story :)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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is ruether panicking for real or is it only something doctrex wants to believe?
and something just came into my mind - but this can be explained later on - if glnot is sucha powerful magician - why doesn't he simply kill them all with a magic? he could easily suck life out of all of them the way he did with the young soldier. or send more big birds and throw fire balls on them until the last man would turn into ash. why doesn't he use all his forces to stop them? this is just me musing...
for the technical side of the writing i have no suggestions. enjoying the story :)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Because then it would be a short story, Tina--more akin to flash fiction. LOL, No, Rhuether want's Doctrex to arrive at the castle.
Comment from Dashjianta
Glnot's continued getting into the men's minds keeps the tension high as the advance moves forward again. Desperate he may be, but he's also very good at picking his targets...Or maybe he just wants Doctrex to think he's desperate so he grows overconfident...I can see how it all links together with the later chapters I've already read.
Thoughts/Suggestions:
"You're afraid you're losing your mind. You're not, Braims."
It was difficult being emphatic without being loud,
--Should this be one paragraph?
Giln pulled (up) beside me.
--Or 'along side' instead of beside. (not strictly needed though)
We've all been under a lot of strain. I've felt like crying myself."
"Yeah, don't worry about that," I said. "But I still need to ask what you told him."
--Don't need the " after 'myself'--unless there's a line missing and someone else was supposed to speak?
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Glnot's continued getting into the men's minds keeps the tension high as the advance moves forward again. Desperate he may be, but he's also very good at picking his targets...Or maybe he just wants Doctrex to think he's desperate so he grows overconfident...I can see how it all links together with the later chapters I've already read.
Thoughts/Suggestions:
"You're afraid you're losing your mind. You're not, Braims."
It was difficult being emphatic without being loud,
--Should this be one paragraph?
Giln pulled (up) beside me.
--Or 'along side' instead of beside. (not strictly needed though)
We've all been under a lot of strain. I've felt like crying myself."
"Yeah, don't worry about that," I said. "But I still need to ask what you told him."
--Don't need the " after 'myself'--unless there's a line missing and someone else was supposed to speak?
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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It's good you can feel some connectivity with what you'd read earlier. Good idea with that alongside, instead of beside. Thanks for your usual attention to detail.
Comment from Twilightspire
Doctrex better be careful, Braims may kill him with one of those looks sometime. :D
This aptly named chapter was awesome, my friend. We have Glnot trying to cause more fear and distrust through his vile magic and Doctrex coming up with a way to dissolve it as effortlessly as possible.
Again, well written with plenty of description and dialogue that sucks you in. Keep up the good work.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Doctrex better be careful, Braims may kill him with one of those looks sometime. :D
This aptly named chapter was awesome, my friend. We have Glnot trying to cause more fear and distrust through his vile magic and Doctrex coming up with a way to dissolve it as effortlessly as possible.
Again, well written with plenty of description and dialogue that sucks you in. Keep up the good work.
-T.J.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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TJ!!!! Good to have you back! You're goin' way back, friend! I'm glad you're enjoying this!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A well written chapter, my friend. If I was in such danger, I am sure I would hear voices too. Great dialogue tells so much of this story. Take care, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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A well written chapter, my friend. If I was in such danger, I am sure I would hear voices too. Great dialogue tells so much of this story. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 29-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Debbie, SOOOO much for the 6 stars. I'm glad the chapter resonated with you. I didn't realize you're playing catch up! Thanks for that, though!
Comment from GWHARGIS
I was glad you had the medic take over. I think it would have been unrealistic for Doctrex to have that much time to be hands on with every enlisted man with a vision. Good strong dialogue and I likedd the subtle nuianses in body language. Great chapter. Gretchen
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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I was glad you had the medic take over. I think it would have been unrealistic for Doctrex to have that much time to be hands on with every enlisted man with a vision. Good strong dialogue and I likedd the subtle nuianses in body language. Great chapter. Gretchen
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Gretchen. I'm glad you liked it. I'm building to a big chapter about 3 down from this. Think you'll like it.
Comment from c_lucas
Mind control can be very deadly if one succumb to it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Mind control can be very deadly if one succumb to it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks Charlie. As always, I appreciate your take.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from chasennov
THE TRINING Book Three BURROWING LIKE BRAIN-WORMS (Pt 2) Another very interesting chapter you have created here. I am somewhat intrigued by the complexity of your novel in Fantasy Fiction and look forward to the next chapter. Some artwork you got hold of here. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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THE TRINING Book Three BURROWING LIKE BRAIN-WORMS (Pt 2) Another very interesting chapter you have created here. I am somewhat intrigued by the complexity of your novel in Fantasy Fiction and look forward to the next chapter. Some artwork you got hold of here. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I've decided to use the same artwork, because of the introspective nature of the main character. It seemed to fit.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from marijmd
Brain worms indeed!
It seems like the enemy has devised a brilliant plan - Attack them mentally to be able to defeat them more easily physically.
Doctrix has his job cut out for him
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Brain worms indeed!
It seems like the enemy has devised a brilliant plan - Attack them mentally to be able to defeat them more easily physically.
Doctrix has his job cut out for him
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Yeah, Maria, that's what Doctrex has speculated. We'll see the degree to which both of you are right later.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write and well written. I found your story interesting and enjoyable. The picture blends well with the storyline Thanks for sharing. Mary
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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A good write and well written. I found your story interesting and enjoyable. The picture blends well with the storyline Thanks for sharing. Mary
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Well, thank you for reading, Mary Ann.
Comment from lindalcreel
Rheuther strikes again. I've never been in the military, but I remember hearing something about divide and conquer. By speaking to these men and planting fear in their minds, Rheuther is weakening Doctrix' defenses. Guess we'll see how he handles it.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Rheuther strikes again. I've never been in the military, but I remember hearing something about divide and conquer. By speaking to these men and planting fear in their minds, Rheuther is weakening Doctrix' defenses. Guess we'll see how he handles it.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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I imagine we will find out, Linda. Doctrex has his work cut out for him, though. Thanks for reading this. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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We'll see how Doctrix handles all the pressure.:)