THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "SOLDIER'S PERFUMED INTESTINES (Pt 1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
28 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
again those voices! ruether is showing up more and more, one magic doesn't evaporate and the other is already working. i'm fully concerned with what happened to that fallen soldier. how come nobody can recall seeing him there? but he wasn't a common vision, he was real. did ruether cover him into a cloud of being invisible or somehting like that? many many questions! and i can't wait to see what the voices are telling the doctor! something very nasty about doctrex would be my guess
I told the men how each of us [possesses] something Rhuether could not // possessed?
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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again those voices! ruether is showing up more and more, one magic doesn't evaporate and the other is already working. i'm fully concerned with what happened to that fallen soldier. how come nobody can recall seeing him there? but he wasn't a common vision, he was real. did ruether cover him into a cloud of being invisible or somehting like that? many many questions! and i can't wait to see what the voices are telling the doctor! something very nasty about doctrex would be my guess
I told the men how each of us [possesses] something Rhuether could not // possessed?
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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You're right. It's "possessed". I'll take care of that.
Comment from Dashjianta
The doctor shows a lot of trust in Doctrex, admitting to the surgery, after previously telling him in was against the rules to perform surgery on a corpse--shows he believes Doctrex values finding the truth above following a prohibitive rule.
The lack of fluids in the corpse is a puzzle. And the smell of the pink flowers--a subtle reminder from Glnot of the myth?
Good to see Doctrex finding a way to combat the wearing affects of the magic, both with his speech previously, and his reinforcing it again after the mysterious death.
Nice hook to end on to.
Nit:
An examination of the inside of his mouth and the tissue of this(his) throat
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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The doctor shows a lot of trust in Doctrex, admitting to the surgery, after previously telling him in was against the rules to perform surgery on a corpse--shows he believes Doctrex values finding the truth above following a prohibitive rule.
The lack of fluids in the corpse is a puzzle. And the smell of the pink flowers--a subtle reminder from Glnot of the myth?
Good to see Doctrex finding a way to combat the wearing affects of the magic, both with his speech previously, and his reinforcing it again after the mysterious death.
Nice hook to end on to.
Nit:
An examination of the inside of his mouth and the tissue of this(his) throat
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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I'll correct that nit, Alex. And, thanks for your help on this.
Comment from Twilightspire
Now this was a chilling chapter. A body without blood and dropped dead with no symptoms of anything ... yikes. Now Braims is hearing voices? That can't be good.
You do a great job connecting with Doctrex in this chapter. A creepy death and the man is still proclaiming his victory. You gotta love his resolve.
Excellently written chapter, my friend.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Now this was a chilling chapter. A body without blood and dropped dead with no symptoms of anything ... yikes. Now Braims is hearing voices? That can't be good.
You do a great job connecting with Doctrex in this chapter. A creepy death and the man is still proclaiming his victory. You gotta love his resolve.
Excellently written chapter, my friend.
-T.J.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Thanks, TJ! Are you okay, my dear friend? Your health's okay? I'm just so happy you're back reading my offerings and liking them.
Comment from marijmd
Your chapter title had me cringing!
Uh OH the Doc sounds off his meds crazy. Hearing voices can not be a good thing and having that happen before the big battle begins can't be good!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Your chapter title had me cringing!
Uh OH the Doc sounds off his meds crazy. Hearing voices can not be a good thing and having that happen before the big battle begins can't be good!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Maria. Off his meds. That's good!
Comment from Loren (7)
What an amazing chapter title. One would read it just for that:) The contents (of the chapter - not the stomach) makes me think Dear Miss Marple may need to be called in.:) You handled this very well, with wit and mystery. Loren
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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What an amazing chapter title. One would read it just for that:) The contents (of the chapter - not the stomach) makes me think Dear Miss Marple may need to be called in.:) You handled this very well, with wit and mystery. Loren
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Yes, Loren. It's all in drawing in the reader. Someone told me he decided to read "Lieutenants Down" because of the title and it set me thinking. On Fan Story at least, it's more a question of having a reader give it a try. That's why this title and the one after it, I don't think you've read yet, entitled "Burrowing Like Brainworms."
Comment from Writingfundimension
You start out this fine chapter with a true medical mystery, Jay. I like the respect that I sense between Doctrex and the Medic. The latter seems to have an exceptional mind and courage. Well done, as always.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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You start out this fine chapter with a true medical mystery, Jay. I like the respect that I sense between Doctrex and the Medic. The latter seems to have an exceptional mind and courage. Well done, as always.
:) Bev
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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I'm so glad you picked up on that, Bev. Yes, Braims is courageous, intelligent and moral. I needed someone who was not afraid to go head to head with Doctrex, even though he knew Doctrex has the last card to play.
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You're welcome, Jay. :)
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You're welcome, Jay. :)
Comment from Selina Stambi
The smell of pink flowers and ... voices ...!!
What a ride, Jay. I'm beginning to wonder if all this is part of a huge hallucination and Doctrex is really in a coma on a hospital bed. I won't ask, because you won't tell, will you? :)
I did come back ... :)
Sonali
of him to see if they (had) noticed anything out of the ordinary in his behavior
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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The smell of pink flowers and ... voices ...!!
What a ride, Jay. I'm beginning to wonder if all this is part of a huge hallucination and Doctrex is really in a coma on a hospital bed. I won't ask, because you won't tell, will you? :)
I did come back ... :)
Sonali
of him to see if they (had) noticed anything out of the ordinary in his behavior
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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In a coma? Or electroshock therapy? LOL, no, I won't tell, especially if you don't ask. Hey, I meant to thank you RIGHT OFF THE BAT for the 6 beautiful, sparkling beauties. I so much appreciate that.
Comment from Goodauthor
As usual, this an engaging chapter and I have only one question, since the quote in question does not appear until the very end, it does not affect the flow. (he said, confidentially, "voices!" Since there was no one around, I was wondering why confidentially is being placed before the quotes, "confidentially, I hear voices in my head."
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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As usual, this an engaging chapter and I have only one question, since the quote in question does not appear until the very end, it does not affect the flow. (he said, confidentially, "voices!" Since there was no one around, I was wondering why confidentially is being placed before the quotes, "confidentially, I hear voices in my head."
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Wow! Thanks for the 6 Stars, Linda. I appreciate your comment. I was trying to stress how embarrassed, frightened and bewildered Braims was ... that he wanted to make sure no one heard. I had mentioned in the previous line how he was looking all around. Still, he didn't want to announce loudly that he hears voices in his head. "Confidentially" was not shown inside the quote. It was an adverb showing how he said it.
I hope that answers your question, Linda. Thanks again for the 6 and your kind words.
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Maybe if you italicize the to give it emphasis beyond the quote, the intent would be clearer. You're welcome.
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That's a thought, Linda. I'll add this to my notes for the final edit.
Comment from Walter L. Jones
Captured in view again, do we understand, the question marks, only magic is lack of understanding, or perhaps it is the illusion of war, where do we rest, lounge chair cold one in hand waiting for the installment, good stuff.. Walt
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Captured in view again, do we understand, the question marks, only magic is lack of understanding, or perhaps it is the illusion of war, where do we rest, lounge chair cold one in hand waiting for the installment, good stuff.. Walt
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thanks big time, Walt for the 6-er. So much appreciated. I'm glad you're liking this!
Comment from jaeladarling
Oh boy. Don't tell me Braims has lost it now too! Of all the people to lose, I hate to see him go.
Can't wait for the next installment!
Suggestions:
and keeping his eyes from mine." (Remove the quotation mark.)
"And, then the bombshell:" (No comma)
"I agreed, at this" (semicolon)
"were now dampened by what they saw!" (An exclamation point seems weird here. Maybe it's just me.)
"And, that is something" (No comma)
"And, I think I conveyed" (No comma)
"and then slowly make their way back." ("making" - to stay consistent with verb tense, since you started the sentence with -ing "riding")
"It made perfect sensew," ("sense")
"so, we embedded our" (No comma)
"Are you worried about the camp back there being protected." (Question mark)
"But, I understand." (No comma)
"a chuckle, but was dry and grim." (No comma, or add a "it" after "but")
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Oh boy. Don't tell me Braims has lost it now too! Of all the people to lose, I hate to see him go.
Can't wait for the next installment!
Suggestions:
and keeping his eyes from mine." (Remove the quotation mark.)
"And, then the bombshell:" (No comma)
"I agreed, at this" (semicolon)
"were now dampened by what they saw!" (An exclamation point seems weird here. Maybe it's just me.)
"And, that is something" (No comma)
"And, I think I conveyed" (No comma)
"and then slowly make their way back." ("making" - to stay consistent with verb tense, since you started the sentence with -ing "riding")
"It made perfect sensew," ("sense")
"so, we embedded our" (No comma)
"Are you worried about the camp back there being protected." (Question mark)
"But, I understand." (No comma)
"a chuckle, but was dry and grim." (No comma, or add a "it" after "but")
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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You made some major catches, here, Jaela! Thank you so much. It makes me wonder how many others are seeing this and just concluding I'm sloppy, but not take the time to show me. Bless you for being here!
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Eh, no worries. Many consider me too picky. LOL I figure the ones that are serious about their craft will take the time to at least consider suggestions, and that's what counts. ;)