The Long Night
Eyes play tricks late at night23 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Pope
I really love this. What a perfect conclusion--so creepy. This story is plot driven but your characterization of Lisa is good as well. I like that the story is heavy with dialogue even if it is primarily her talking to herself. This was a totally enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2018
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I really love this. What a perfect conclusion--so creepy. This story is plot driven but your characterization of Lisa is good as well. I like that the story is heavy with dialogue even if it is primarily her talking to herself. This was a totally enjoyable read.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much Debbie. It was fun to write. Rox
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Rox,
Seeing weird things on the side of the road is always a great inspiration for a story! I enjoyed the piece and found it entertaining.
When your picture continues to put itself in the middle of your text, you just need to do an 'edit' and put more line spaces at the top of the piece in the text box. That will eliminate the problem. (At least it does for me.)
a few notes,
'She looked in herrear view rearview mirror and saw...'
'Then he walked into the diner, and shut the door behind him.'
'She turned her headslowing slowly, and...'
'...out of the corner of her eye+,'
'Tears rolled down herchecks cheeks as...'
'The creature reached up and removed it's head. (Who or what does the 'it' refer to? The word should be 'its' if the creature removed its own head.)
'In her mirror+, she saw the light turn into the parking lot too.'
~patty~
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Hi, Rox,
Seeing weird things on the side of the road is always a great inspiration for a story! I enjoyed the piece and found it entertaining.
When your picture continues to put itself in the middle of your text, you just need to do an 'edit' and put more line spaces at the top of the piece in the text box. That will eliminate the problem. (At least it does for me.)
a few notes,
'She looked in her
'Then he walked into the diner
'She turned her head
'...out of the corner of her eye+,'
'Tears rolled down her
'The creature reached up and removed it's head. (Who or what does the 'it' refer to? The word should be 'its' if the creature removed its own head.)
'In her mirror+, she saw the light turn into the parking lot too.'
~patty~
Comment Written 14-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Thank you. I made some of these corrections but I see they didn't change. Maybe I forgot to hit 'save'? Or maybe the alien didn't want me to fix them. =} Thanks so much Patty.
Comment from royowen
Isn't it funny what suggestion can do? Even when your conscious mind says something can't happen, but when one is pervaded by strange events, the imagination takes over and the suggestion seems to happen, that why one shouldn't tell kids things. My mother told me when I was young, the cops were going to get me when I was naughty, these days I feel guilty when I see a cop. Well done, Rox, an excellent story my friend, good build up. Blessings, Roy
Typo : Lisa laughed too as she (existed)her car. Exited?
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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Isn't it funny what suggestion can do? Even when your conscious mind says something can't happen, but when one is pervaded by strange events, the imagination takes over and the suggestion seems to happen, that why one shouldn't tell kids things. My mother told me when I was young, the cops were going to get me when I was naughty, these days I feel guilty when I see a cop. Well done, Rox, an excellent story my friend, good build up. Blessings, Roy
Typo : Lisa laughed too as she (existed)her car. Exited?
Comment Written 12-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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Yes our imaginations can take us places we don't need to go. =} thanks for the corrections, someone else told me and I forgot to fix it. Thanks so much for the great review, Rox
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Welcome Rox
Comment from Ulla
Hi Fox, this is a great story. I really liked it. So it was not all that innocent in the end!
She kept looking in the review mirror even though she told herself not to. = She kept looking in the rear view mirror ...
Well written story. I liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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Hi Fox, this is a great story. I really liked it. So it was not all that innocent in the end!
She kept looking in the review mirror even though she told herself not to. = She kept looking in the rear view mirror ...
Well written story. I liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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I made the correction. No one else caught that one. =} Thanks so much, I corrected it. Thanks for the review, I had fun writing this. Rox
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Famous last words. "And he seemed like such a nice young man. This is a great story. It reminds me of The TWighgt Zone. Rod Sterling wrote stories with this kind of twist.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Famous last words. "And he seemed like such a nice young man. This is a great story. It reminds me of The TWighgt Zone. Rod Sterling wrote stories with this kind of twist.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Yes that was one of my favorites growing up. Thanks so much Thomas.
Comment from Mistydawn
I love this story, it's so well-written, interesting. It drew me in from the very start kept me on the edge of my seat to the end. Lisa really came to life and her thought process was perfect the way her imagination went wild. The ending was superb, a great explanation to what she'd seen. The part about John's partners adds a bit of mystery. Great job.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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I love this story, it's so well-written, interesting. It drew me in from the very start kept me on the edge of my seat to the end. Lisa really came to life and her thought process was perfect the way her imagination went wild. The ending was superb, a great explanation to what she'd seen. The part about John's partners adds a bit of mystery. Great job.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much. It was fun to write. =)
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I saw an odd object tarped, strapped to a pickup bed on my way home one night. Being a mystery writer who dabbles in horror, I came up with a lot of scenarios of what that object might be lol.
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Yes, writers tend to do that type of thing. =}
Comment from robyn corum
Foxie Roxie,
*smile* Good morning! This was a really fun post - you are right about that. I enjoyed it a lot. I especially liked the ending - so we find out it wasn't such a harmless explanation, after all. Oh well. Another lady about to be probed for the cause of higher civilizations. Glad it's not me!
Some notes, if I may?
1.) just fine. I'm such a chicken(,)" Lisa thought.
--> the punctuation always goes inside the q marks
2.) As she rounded a bend in the deserted highway, Lisa saw lights blinking on the side of the road.
--> a tip I learned from a pro -- try to never use 'as'. 'when' or 'while' because they weaken your work and place it in passive voice.
--> She rounded a bend in the deserted highway and saw lights blinking on the side of the road.
3.) twenty miles. It looked as if a number of trees had been crushed.
--> First of all, you are the writer, so you can say for sure if those trees were crushed -- be careful with the use of 'it seemed'
--> I do think in this case she would be able to say for sure if those trees were flattened.
4.) "What (is) that thing?"
--> maybe bold it for emphasis?
5.) What was that? She looked in her rear view mirror and saw a faint blue
--> in the other instances of her thoughts, you have italicized her thoughts - why not here?
6.) Lisa blinked several time(s). "Maybe it's just
7.) She began to breathe rapidly and could feel sobs waiting
--> more passive voice. Did she BEGIN it or do it?
8.) hide...maybe in a cave, but what good (would) that do(?)
9.) She turned her head (slowly), and out of the corner
10.) "Are you okay?" (h)e asked again.
11.) My name(')s John by the way." He held the door to the diner open for her.
12.) From your notes: Maybe it's the aliens. Bawhaha.
--> I think it's actually Bwahaha -- unless you say it differently. hahahaha
13.) Just a note -- you may already know or not...
--> when you repost something from the past, it SHOWS you are moving up in the rankings, but you aren't really. At the end of the year, they will subtract all those points (in effect - because those all go to the year you actually posted. ugh.) This means any six pointers you recieve are actually worthless - and a waste to those reviewers who offer them. I like to provide a note on mine saying I love you, but don't bother with six stars because...yada yada ... if you thought of giving one, just let me know.
I hope this will help a bit -- let me know if you edit, please! Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Foxie Roxie,
*smile* Good morning! This was a really fun post - you are right about that. I enjoyed it a lot. I especially liked the ending - so we find out it wasn't such a harmless explanation, after all. Oh well. Another lady about to be probed for the cause of higher civilizations. Glad it's not me!
Some notes, if I may?
1.) just fine. I'm such a chicken(,)" Lisa thought.
--> the punctuation always goes inside the q marks
2.) As she rounded a bend in the deserted highway, Lisa saw lights blinking on the side of the road.
--> a tip I learned from a pro -- try to never use 'as'. 'when' or 'while' because they weaken your work and place it in passive voice.
--> She rounded a bend in the deserted highway and saw lights blinking on the side of the road.
3.) twenty miles. It looked as if a number of trees had been crushed.
--> First of all, you are the writer, so you can say for sure if those trees were crushed -- be careful with the use of 'it seemed'
--> I do think in this case she would be able to say for sure if those trees were flattened.
4.) "What (is) that thing?"
--> maybe bold it for emphasis?
5.) What was that? She looked in her rear view mirror and saw a faint blue
--> in the other instances of her thoughts, you have italicized her thoughts - why not here?
6.) Lisa blinked several time(s). "Maybe it's just
7.) She began to breathe rapidly and could feel sobs waiting
--> more passive voice. Did she BEGIN it or do it?
8.) hide...maybe in a cave, but what good (would) that do(?)
9.) She turned her head (slowly), and out of the corner
10.) "Are you okay?" (h)e asked again.
11.) My name(')s John by the way." He held the door to the diner open for her.
12.) From your notes: Maybe it's the aliens. Bawhaha.
--> I think it's actually Bwahaha -- unless you say it differently. hahahaha
13.) Just a note -- you may already know or not...
--> when you repost something from the past, it SHOWS you are moving up in the rankings, but you aren't really. At the end of the year, they will subtract all those points (in effect - because those all go to the year you actually posted. ugh.) This means any six pointers you recieve are actually worthless - and a waste to those reviewers who offer them. I like to provide a note on mine saying I love you, but don't bother with six stars because...yada yada ... if you thought of giving one, just let me know.
I hope this will help a bit -- let me know if you edit, please! Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thanks for all the helps. I didn't think it moved me up, so I didn't even notice. I'm having a horrible time with writers block right now so reposting so I'm not forgotten. Also so many new people this will help them see how great a writer I am, I mean, help them get to know me a bit. =} Thanks. Rox
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I understand completely. I have a lot of prompts and stuff I can send if you like?
Just PM me your email addy.
Comment from aryr
A great story and fun to read. You managed not only to create a fantastic level of suspense but to maintain it throughout. It was interesting to read about all the things Lisa imagined, but then learn the reality about John. Very well done, very much enjoyed, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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A great story and fun to read. You managed not only to create a fantastic level of suspense but to maintain it throughout. It was interesting to read about all the things Lisa imagined, but then learn the reality about John. Very well done, very much enjoyed, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
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Thanks so much. Rox
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You are very welcome Roxanna.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
That's why I don't go driving alone at night. Lol.
A clever introduction and build up of tension to a double surprise ending.
Thoughtfully plotted and an interesting subject choice which has some merit in modern times as aliens become popular topics of conversation.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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That's why I don't go driving alone at night. Lol.
A clever introduction and build up of tension to a double surprise ending.
Thoughtfully plotted and an interesting subject choice which has some merit in modern times as aliens become popular topics of conversation.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Thank so much, hope you are doing well. I haven't been on the site much these days, am busy with a little on line card shop I opened. It's been fun and very busy. Have a great day. Rox
Comment from Selina Stambi
Oh, my goodness! Here was I all relieved, and then the creepy concluding line made me catch my breath in horror!
Darn it, I thought there was romance a-budding!
Well done, Roxanne. Great story.
Until next time,
Love,
Sonali :)
What will they do to us(?)...(U)se a probe, they
reached up and removed (its) head
Oh man, am I an idiot(!)"
laughed too as she (exited) her car, but at
My name(')s John(,) by the way
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Oh, my goodness! Here was I all relieved, and then the creepy concluding line made me catch my breath in horror!
Darn it, I thought there was romance a-budding!
Well done, Roxanne. Great story.
Until next time,
Love,
Sonali :)
What will they do to us(?)...(U)se a probe, they
reached up and removed (its) head
Oh man, am I an idiot(!)"
laughed too as she (exited) her car, but at
My name(')s John(,) by the way
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much Sonali. I'm so sorry to disappoint you. =} I thought I had all the boo boos fixed. =} No matter how many times I read it I miss something. Thanks for the help. Rox
