The Christmas Baby
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "War Room"Sam n Sarah get a baby with dire consequences
8 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Aww, poor Sam. He just can't catch a break, can he? He's trying to help the addicted mother, yet she'd rather be on drugs and with her boyfriend than take care of her baby. I know that's frustrating.
Then he gets picked on by the middle school kiddos. They can be cruel, for sure.
Continues to be a great story,
Take care,
Rhonda
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Aww, poor Sam. He just can't catch a break, can he? He's trying to help the addicted mother, yet she'd rather be on drugs and with her boyfriend than take care of her baby. I know that's frustrating.
Then he gets picked on by the middle school kiddos. They can be cruel, for sure.
Continues to be a great story,
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 14-Feb-2025
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good work.
It was after all the last day of school before Thanksgiving. - This sentence would benefit with a couple commas separating 'after all'.
Sounds like Taylor and the baby are in trouble.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2025
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Well written. Good work.
It was after all the last day of school before Thanksgiving. - This sentence would benefit with a couple commas separating 'after all'.
Sounds like Taylor and the baby are in trouble.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2025
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Thanks so much Wayne
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I don't have a six-star left for this week, but this chapter is excellent with pacing, dialogue, action, and parallelism. The parallelism is there with the younger bullying students 'jerking' Sam's chain, as Ramerez said, with the chair blocking Sam's movement to exit the janitor's closet, just as Taylor and her boyfriend, Chris, have also put up a big obstacle in the way of his continuing to assist her.
Little fixes:
"Please, Taylor you don't want to hurt your baby, do you?"
I would add a comma after Taylor.
It was Ramerez the other night janitor.
Just put a comma after Ramerez. Also, I am thinking the spelling of Ramerez is like a wanted poster for Nelson Eddy's character in the 1938 movie, "Girl of the Golden West." The usual or more common spelling 99 times out of 100 is Ramirez, which the wikipedia article spells out, but someone spelled it differently on that movie prop.
It might be a case of pessimism, but I keep thinking if both Chris and Taylor are back on drugs already, that little baby is in dire danger.
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I don't have a six-star left for this week, but this chapter is excellent with pacing, dialogue, action, and parallelism. The parallelism is there with the younger bullying students 'jerking' Sam's chain, as Ramerez said, with the chair blocking Sam's movement to exit the janitor's closet, just as Taylor and her boyfriend, Chris, have also put up a big obstacle in the way of his continuing to assist her.
Little fixes:
"Please, Taylor you don't want to hurt your baby, do you?"
I would add a comma after Taylor.
It was Ramerez the other night janitor.
Just put a comma after Ramerez. Also, I am thinking the spelling of Ramerez is like a wanted poster for Nelson Eddy's character in the 1938 movie, "Girl of the Golden West." The usual or more common spelling 99 times out of 100 is Ramirez, which the wikipedia article spells out, but someone spelled it differently on that movie prop.
It might be a case of pessimism, but I keep thinking if both Chris and Taylor are back on drugs already, that little baby is in dire danger.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2025
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Not good for Taylor or the baby. I am so wondering what's going to happen now. Sam is such a wonderful person, he doesn't deserve this. I can't wait to read more.
As sat there on a crate turning pages, (As he sat there..)
He prayed above a whisper. "Lord, I know I messed up. (whisper,)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Not good for Taylor or the baby. I am so wondering what's going to happen now. Sam is such a wonderful person, he doesn't deserve this. I can't wait to read more.
As sat there on a crate turning pages, (As he sat there..)
He prayed above a whisper. "Lord, I know I messed up. (whisper,)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thanks Barb, for stopping by. I'm humbly grateful.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story does a fantastic job of pulling me into Sam's world. I really felt the tense atmosphere when Sam is in his janitor closet. The way Sam is trapped in the closet adds so much tension. You've built a lot of anticipation here. Keep it up - I'm hooked and want to know what happens next!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Your story does a fantastic job of pulling me into Sam's world. I really felt the tense atmosphere when Sam is in his janitor closet. The way Sam is trapped in the closet adds so much tension. You've built a lot of anticipation here. Keep it up - I'm hooked and want to know what happens next!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thanks so much Michael. You spur me on...
Comment from royowen
When your xo concern drives you to help and they go off with a drug dealing boyfriend, what you may have done to rescue someone, and their baby from destroying themselves, one feels like giving up, but we can't, the world tries to break you down, I feel that. Beautifully written Stan, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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When your xo concern drives you to help and they go off with a drug dealing boyfriend, what you may have done to rescue someone, and their baby from destroying themselves, one feels like giving up, but we can't, the world tries to break you down, I feel that. Beautifully written Stan, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thanks so much Roy. I'm glad you are on board with his conflict. It's going to take some God moments for him.
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Well done
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
This looks like another point of tension in the story for Sam. Taylor and the baby have found another benefactor apparently. It's hard to understand what she's thinking because she's so unstable. Sam likely found the phone call you described very unsatisfactory. He certainly is on tenterhooks because of this situation. He's talking to himself, even about his faithfulness to his wife. He appears to be attempting to rationalize his behavior. He isn't helped by the bullies pushing him around. He's nearing a time of difficult choices. Although the phone call's dialogue is blunt, it reveals much about the narrative.
Robert
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Hello Stan.
This looks like another point of tension in the story for Sam. Taylor and the baby have found another benefactor apparently. It's hard to understand what she's thinking because she's so unstable. Sam likely found the phone call you described very unsatisfactory. He certainly is on tenterhooks because of this situation. He's talking to himself, even about his faithfulness to his wife. He appears to be attempting to rationalize his behavior. He isn't helped by the bullies pushing him around. He's nearing a time of difficult choices. Although the phone call's dialogue is blunt, it reveals much about the narrative.
Robert
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thanks so much Rober. Appreciate your in-depth reviews.
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You're welcome Stan.
Robert
Comment from Abigail May
I really enjoyed reading this. In just a few passages, you were able to make the main character extremely sympathetic and draw intrigue into the larger story. One quick note-- a typo (?). In the 4th paragraph, I think there is a word missing, "As [he] sat there..." I loved this piece. Thank you for writing and sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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I really enjoyed reading this. In just a few passages, you were able to make the main character extremely sympathetic and draw intrigue into the larger story. One quick note-- a typo (?). In the 4th paragraph, I think there is a word missing, "As [he] sat there..." I loved this piece. Thank you for writing and sharing!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2025
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Thanks so much Abigail. I have a granddaughter with that nae.
