The Christmas Baby
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Grave Turn of Events"Sam n Sarah get a baby with dire consequences
11 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Stan,
This is a very good chapter. We see the heart of a man, disfigured for some reason, and how he's taken risks to help a pregnant girl. It is well written and engaging.
I like the way you tied it into a man you really knew. It helps him seem even more real.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Hi Stan,
This is a very good chapter. We see the heart of a man, disfigured for some reason, and how he's taken risks to help a pregnant girl. It is well written and engaging.
I like the way you tied it into a man you really knew. It helps him seem even more real.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thanks Rhonda. Appreciate you telling me what resonated. Merry Christmas.
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Merry Christmas!!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I'm afraid I'm coming in late here but you still manage to convey a wealth of information that quickly helps me understand what's going on. I can see that Sam is, as you say in your footnote, a man of great warmth and conscience who is now trying to help this young pregnant drug addict without jeopardising his already sensitive marriage. Your skill in conveying the tension he feels, especially on the phone to his wife, is very well done and one can't help but relate to his anguish. His deep concern too for Taylor is also very evident as he tries to think for her as well as for himself. She, meanwhile, is oblivious to his worry.
This is an interesting and entertaining story and I hope to follow it (although I'm trying to take a bit of a break at the moment, at least from posting). Thank you for sharing. Warmest wishes Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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I'm afraid I'm coming in late here but you still manage to convey a wealth of information that quickly helps me understand what's going on. I can see that Sam is, as you say in your footnote, a man of great warmth and conscience who is now trying to help this young pregnant drug addict without jeopardising his already sensitive marriage. Your skill in conveying the tension he feels, especially on the phone to his wife, is very well done and one can't help but relate to his anguish. His deep concern too for Taylor is also very evident as he tries to think for her as well as for himself. She, meanwhile, is oblivious to his worry.
This is an interesting and entertaining story and I hope to follow it (although I'm trying to take a bit of a break at the moment, at least from posting). Thank you for sharing. Warmest wishes Debbie
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Well, that was very nice of you to write such an in-depth review that helps me understand what resonates to a reader. Merry Christmas.
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You're welcome! It was a pleasure to read.
Comment from patcelaw
I am very much enjoying your story as your relating each new chapter with us I very much enjoy the subject of the story and it has been keeping me in suspense to what is going to happen. May you have a very blessed day and bad bless your writing You are very good Writer. Have a verymerry Christmas and happy new year. Patricia
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I am very much enjoying your story as your relating each new chapter with us I very much enjoy the subject of the story and it has been keeping me in suspense to what is going to happen. May you have a very blessed day and bad bless your writing You are very good Writer. Have a verymerry Christmas and happy new year. Patricia
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thanks so much Pat. Merry Christmas!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hey Stan.
It's good to read your writing again. I have been back since late September but haven't done much. I only publish every couple of weeks or so. I am pleased to have caught this story. You've done an excellent job of building tension throughout the story and have brought the reader to a place of confrontation, as well as a story changing direction. This is well written and leaves the reader waiting to read the next event.
Robert
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Hey Stan.
It's good to read your writing again. I have been back since late September but haven't done much. I only publish every couple of weeks or so. I am pleased to have caught this story. You've done an excellent job of building tension throughout the story and have brought the reader to a place of confrontation, as well as a story changing direction. This is well written and leaves the reader waiting to read the next event.
Robert
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thanks so much Robert. Really appreciate this. It fuels me to keep going!
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You're welcome, Stan. I'm glad for that.
Robert
Comment from CrystieCookie999
There is a great balance of action and dialogue in this chapter. The author notes were helpful in knowing a little more about Sam and his twisted leg. Sounds like Taylor was used to sleeping wherever she was most comfortable and not where was most acceptable. I am thinking if she was still using drugs, the baby she has at least may be born with a learning disability or a partial addiction as well.
Little fix:
There's graveyard in your backyard for cripe sake."
I think I would insert the article 'a' in front of graveyard.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2024
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There is a great balance of action and dialogue in this chapter. The author notes were helpful in knowing a little more about Sam and his twisted leg. Sounds like Taylor was used to sleeping wherever she was most comfortable and not where was most acceptable. I am thinking if she was still using drugs, the baby she has at least may be born with a learning disability or a partial addiction as well.
Little fix:
There's graveyard in your backyard for cripe sake."
I think I would insert the article 'a' in front of graveyard.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2024
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Thanks again. And Merry Christmas!
Comment from lyenochka
Yes, this is quite the "grave turn of events" that Taylor hopped into bed with Sam. Had his wife and mother-in-law showed up at that point, his marriage would have been over. Hopefully, Sam will get Taylor to the hospital and she will have a healthy baby. Maybe Sam and Ruth could adopt that baby...
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Yes, this is quite the "grave turn of events" that Taylor hopped into bed with Sam. Had his wife and mother-in-law showed up at that point, his marriage would have been over. Hopefully, Sam will get Taylor to the hospital and she will have a healthy baby. Maybe Sam and Ruth could adopt that baby...
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thanks so much. I'm hoping that future readers out there would be hooked by the plot with the innocent baby at the center. And the realism. Real life characters etc... I covet those like yourselves who tell me what works or doesn't. And those who help with edit fixes are welcomed.
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Blessings on all your Christmas celebrations!!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like this story. I do hope Taylor gets the help she needs. I'm wondering if her baby might be adopted by Sam and his wife.
"I don't think that's such a good idea." Said Ruth. (idea," said Ruth.)
Taylor shouted from the kitchen. "I'm going to scramble some eggs (kitchen,)
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I really like this story. I do hope Taylor gets the help she needs. I'm wondering if her baby might be adopted by Sam and his wife.
"I don't think that's such a good idea." Said Ruth. (idea," said Ruth.)
Taylor shouted from the kitchen. "I'm going to scramble some eggs (kitchen,)
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thanks Barbara
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really liked how you built the tension in your story. From there start there is confusion that makes me want to know what's coming next. Sam's emotions felt real and raw. I could really feel his internal struggle. Great job creating such a tense and emotional scene!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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I really liked how you built the tension in your story. From there start there is confusion that makes me want to know what's coming next. Sam's emotions felt real and raw. I could really feel his internal struggle. Great job creating such a tense and emotional scene!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thanks so much Michael
Comment from Lana Marie
This was suspenseful from the beginning. I wondered if Taylor was carrying his baby, but it doesn't appear that way. And I didn't know if Sam was taking care of Taylor so that he could adopt her baby since his wife wasn't able to have any. And then I wondered if someone was gonna murder Sam because of the title. That's where my brain was going reading this. I enjoyed your story.
Happy Monday.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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This was suspenseful from the beginning. I wondered if Taylor was carrying his baby, but it doesn't appear that way. And I didn't know if Sam was taking care of Taylor so that he could adopt her baby since his wife wasn't able to have any. And then I wondered if someone was gonna murder Sam because of the title. That's where my brain was going reading this. I enjoyed your story.
Happy Monday.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Appreciate a review from someone I haven't met. I've been around here and there since around 2012, off and on. I find the site helps motivate me to see a project to the end. Thanks for this encouraging review. Blessings ahead.
Comment from Avery Daniel
This is a very average story. Within the dialogue, you often make strange jumps. It also sounds rather robotic and less like an actual conversation between Sam and Taylor. The grammar is fairly done well. The story itself is good, but my suggestion would be to have more authentic dialogue, not this weird jumbled mess. I'm not an expert, however, but I find this story has good "bones." I just don't think it's at its best yet.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This is a very average story. Within the dialogue, you often make strange jumps. It also sounds rather robotic and less like an actual conversation between Sam and Taylor. The grammar is fairly done well. The story itself is good, but my suggestion would be to have more authentic dialogue, not this weird jumbled mess. I'm not an expert, however, but I find this story has good "bones." I just don't think it's at its best yet.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024