Comment from CrystieCookie999

Excellent

This had good pacing. I have no suggestions on dialogue in general.
Little fix:
sat there fidgeting, my fingers dueling with eack other.
I guess you mean each other.

"It's okay sweetie, you can stay here for a awhile."
I would add a comma after okay.

 Comment Written 22-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 22-Nov-2023

Thank you for those edits. I appreciate them because.
Still in the learning curve this helps me very much! Thank you again!

Comment from JSD

Excellent

So lovely to find love at last in your horrible world. You've been through it and we have been through it too in our minds, led by your wonderful writing. Nurture that talent!

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

Thank you, that's kind of you to say. I appreciate that yes, I did get a little bit of down time badly needed.
Yet your review is always. I'm so glad that you're here with us. I hope your evening is Fabulous!

Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hello Lea,
thank God you have a friend that you felt comfortable staying with. Her parents appear to be compassionate as well. Of course living with other people, especially people that you may not know as well as you think you do can present a whole new set of issues. Nonetheless, I would think that anything would be preferable to what you had to deal with. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

Hi tom thank you so much you're pretty smart! Yes, for a while I was able to relax and think about different things. Oh, thank you for your review. It's always for hanging in there with me thumbs up. Thank you so much. Have a great night!

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I love to read your introduction as much as your story! You write with such instinct and spontaneity, you engage us immediately and carry us wherever you want to go. Here, we get the same sort of tension as you, whilst waiting for the parents' response. And the deer in the headlights is an image that comes to mind even before you mention it. It's all very graphic and evocatively expressed. Small edits in the body of the post:para starting "There's two beds....eac(h); Like a corkscrew my bo(d)y. Excellent! Take care, Lea. Debbie x

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

You are amazing reviewer don't you forget it! Thank you for the edit suggested once again I'll always appreciate it For you're always great review. I thank you and your fine rating too. Hope you have the best evening!

Comment from damommy

Excellent

Thank goodness for these people. I'm wondering about the neatness of P's room and why you gave it a thought. Does it turn out these people are neat freaks? Or something worse? Are you going from the frying pan into another one?

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

They have their own kind of madness as mentioned in a future chapter. Very cool that you picked up on that. Though it's part of the madness, thank you very much for reading and asking about this. Your curiosity is refreshing. Thanks again for a great review. I hope you haven't often like!

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

Did you faint at this point when the light faded to black? Not quite sure, or were you just relieved? These people who took you in are kind and caring and you owe them a lot. It is not easy to take another teenage on board like that. I am so relieved that you found a safe haven. Your Stepfather would have caused you serious injury in the end and might have even killed you. Another fine chapter Lea, love Dolly x x x

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

Hi Dolly. I fell fast asleep within 2 minutes of leaning back on their couch. Probably less time. I was exhausted and could finally let go even just for a time. Thank you very much for another review and your kindness is always welcome. I hope your evening is grand is always!

Comment from Chuck Keller

Excellent

Finally
Some relief.
I'm certain that your system shut down from exhaustion and fear.
But it finally could relax and rest. Safe and free from the constant terror you had suffered for too long.
Always appreciate your work and kind words

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

Hi Chuck yes I passed out hard and slept a long time!
2 cows are standing in a field one cow says. Aren't you afraid of getting mad cow disease? The other cow says what for? i'm a squirrel. Lol Thank you for your always kind reviews I really appreciate it have a great night!

Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

I have been so busy getting ready for my art show ...so I have not read your work recently...
Okay I think you mean clothes not cloth...right
did you mean linoleum? when you said lino pop?
Either it is can't or can not... your wrote cant...
One usually says cheery red cheeks...not just cherry cheeks...
I really like the tone of your story Lea...
Lisa

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2023

Hi lisa thank you so much for commenting! Your suggestions for edit or pretty cool to the lino pop is an expression for linoleum separating from the floor boards. Thank you my friend. I hope you're enjoying Spain and such a country full of history would love to see 1 day in my travels or next, I visit Europe to be a while LOL. How do you solve a great evening? Thank you again!

Comment from Rachelle Allen

Excellent

Part 1 of your autobiography nears its conclusion. You've done so nicely with all of it, Lea.

Here's some quick edits:


I looked at my ** cloths** and brushed the yuck off my pants.

Like a corkscrew, my **boby** began to unwind itself. I

xoxox

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2023

Thank you my friend I took care of business. It has been corrected thank you again you're awesome don't forget it! And you are the person you know I got this ball rolling Just so you know I owe it to you.

reply by Rachelle Allen on 17-Nov-2023

Thank you for saying that. Yours is an important story. I was happy to get that ball rolling. xoxo

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2023

You always have a place in my heart no one will ever usurp it!

reply by Rachelle Allen on 17-Nov-2023

Ditto. xo

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

I'm so glad they were willing to let you stay. I'm sure that must have been a big relief. I wonder how long because they only said you could stay a while. At the end you say things faded to black. Does that mean you fainted?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2023

---

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2023

Oh yeah, I leaned back in the couch where I was at and I just fell promptly asleep. I was beyond exhausted. My heart, body and mind all of it. Thank you Beth. I really appreciate you if I haven't said it a 100 times already. Maybe I'll stay a 100 more times LO. L. Thank you for your fine review!