THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Kyre's Play and the Pliancy of Time"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
39 total reviews
Comment from JTStone
Jay
I know you have a new release out, but it has been a while and I was catching up. I left off with Axtilla lying on the bed and Pondria discovering the body. I read the up to this point, fully expecting to get caught up all the way before responding--I just thought it would be prudent to let you know how brilliant I find this story--especially at this juncture.
I love the way you create and manipulate a scene. I'm drawn into your characters by the subtle way play with your reader's senses. The colors and fragrances, the references to past scenes that tie your story to the present.
You have a masterful way with words that holds me in awe.
I will read your latest, after I have fully caught up on the Trining...
Jimmy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016
  |
Jay
I know you have a new release out, but it has been a while and I was catching up. I left off with Axtilla lying on the bed and Pondria discovering the body. I read the up to this point, fully expecting to get caught up all the way before responding--I just thought it would be prudent to let you know how brilliant I find this story--especially at this juncture.
I love the way you create and manipulate a scene. I'm drawn into your characters by the subtle way play with your reader's senses. The colors and fragrances, the references to past scenes that tie your story to the present.
You have a masterful way with words that holds me in awe.
I will read your latest, after I have fully caught up on the Trining...
Jimmy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2016
-
Damn! It's so good to have you back, JT. I've been thinking about you. Here's something you gotta read: http://classic.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=821814. You'll have to paste it to your browser. It will explain my dilemma better than I can here. If you read that and want more info I'll let you know where "I am."
-
Damn Jay
Went to the lost and found--and had a wild ride tryin' to message you afterward...bells and whistles and alarms went off on my computer.
Hope all is well with you. I really admire your work and you and your stories are safe.
Jimmy
Comment from Aiona
It's been so long since I read about Axtilla and Doctrex. I missed much, but their relationship still intrigues me. Lots of tension and subtext in this scene, even not knowing all the interim backstory.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
 |
It's been so long since I read about Axtilla and Doctrex. I missed much, but their relationship still intrigues me. Lots of tension and subtext in this scene, even not knowing all the interim backstory.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
-
Thanks for reading, Aiona. It's all about character. The last in the series is winding down. About three more chapters. Axtilla is dead. Doctrex/Pondria must finish it. Again, thanks.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This chapter helped me understand the common bon of the three. I liked the descriptions of Kyre. The patient way he told Pondria of their destiny. The jellybeans were a nice grandfatherly touch. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
|
This chapter helped me understand the common bon of the three. I liked the descriptions of Kyre. The patient way he told Pondria of their destiny. The jellybeans were a nice grandfatherly touch. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 26-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
-
Thanks, Gretchen. I appreciate your kind words and rating. You seem the only one to like Kyre.
Comment from Dawn Munro
OMG, I hate Kyre more than Axtilla or Pondria ever could I think. LOL. Smug, arrogant, manipulating %$#@!
(BTW - I'm sorry I am so late reviewing!)
Jay, you don't need me to tell you how marvelous this is, how much I pick up just reading what you write (like the gesturing you describe in the middle of dialogue, for example), but I am seriously lost plot-wise. I've missed too much of the story, and if there is one thing I've noticed about your writing it's that your plot is inevitably complex - not easy to follow with time and so much else in between postings, especially when the basic premise is missing...(sigh...)
I think I'll have to stick to your short stories, but my friend, my reviews are pretty lame anyway - no help. LOL. Your writing's far superior to mine. :)) (and no sixes left again...!)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
|
OMG, I hate Kyre more than Axtilla or Pondria ever could I think. LOL. Smug, arrogant, manipulating %$#@!
(BTW - I'm sorry I am so late reviewing!)
Jay, you don't need me to tell you how marvelous this is, how much I pick up just reading what you write (like the gesturing you describe in the middle of dialogue, for example), but I am seriously lost plot-wise. I've missed too much of the story, and if there is one thing I've noticed about your writing it's that your plot is inevitably complex - not easy to follow with time and so much else in between postings, especially when the basic premise is missing...(sigh...)
I think I'll have to stick to your short stories, but my friend, my reviews are pretty lame anyway - no help. LOL. Your writing's far superior to mine. :)) (and no sixes left again...!)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
-
Don't worry about the sixes ... ever! I appreciate your keen observations. Dawn, my novel like any novel is going to be difficult to follow unless read as one would read a purchased novel. FS forces the writer to cut off chapters at the most inopportune places--or lose readership. There are so many threads that have to tie into the final chapters of this, I'm not surprised that you are confused. So ... if you get anything out of my chapters that help your writing, then take it for that. I'm just thrilled you've hung on with me.
-
Oh, I learn from you, Jay! I'm not sure how much of what I've learned is reflected yet in anything I'm currently writing, but I know it will help when I return to my novels. So the pleasure is all mine!
Comment from Walter L. Jones
Let us gather at the alter, and what is the sacrifice today, if not fruit of time, burnt, I believe neither just a writer reaching into the bag of tricks, leaving behind bread crumbs for birds to gobble up, power, face a God, self is always the terrible realityas it carries more weight, as always enjoyed, Walt
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
|
Let us gather at the alter, and what is the sacrifice today, if not fruit of time, burnt, I believe neither just a writer reaching into the bag of tricks, leaving behind bread crumbs for birds to gobble up, power, face a God, self is always the terrible realityas it carries more weight, as always enjoyed, Walt
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
-
Hey, Walt. Thanks so much for reading this and giving it your stamp of approval. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Can you believe I have only about 6 chapters left?
Comment from Reedblitzerman
["Trust me."
"I'm afraid not."] Succinct. Love this exchange. As if all of the chapter before and after it came to this.
[Instead, I'm inclined to allow you the illusion you can direct your own actions.] Will versus destiny. This scene reminds me a little bit of Neo's conversation with the Architect in the third Matrix movie. That's right. "The play is the thing."
"A difficult relationship with Kyre." You don't say. Great foreshadowing leading up to this Jay. Even with your hints I couldn't see it all, but this was apparently already in the cards.
I'm left with questions. And I'm still not sure if I like Kyre or not. That's a good thing I think.
Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
|
["Trust me."
"I'm afraid not."] Succinct. Love this exchange. As if all of the chapter before and after it came to this.
[Instead, I'm inclined to allow you the illusion you can direct your own actions.] Will versus destiny. This scene reminds me a little bit of Neo's conversation with the Architect in the third Matrix movie. That's right. "The play is the thing."
"A difficult relationship with Kyre." You don't say. Great foreshadowing leading up to this Jay. Even with your hints I couldn't see it all, but this was apparently already in the cards.
I'm left with questions. And I'm still not sure if I like Kyre or not. That's a good thing I think.
Well done.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
-
I always look forward to your reviews, Reed. You don't disappoint because your comments always follow a deep reading. Thank you for that.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay... I read through this chapter. Noticed a lot of grinning, accepted that Pondria's fight has been deflated and he would rather head along and do his part than maybe lose the last bits of Axtilla in his memories of her, as Kyre has wiped his memories before (As Axtilla mentioned not long ago) Leaving this chapter, I remember jellybeans and grins/smiles, and pokings by Krye in the shape of Green, and know that the show-down with Glnot is back on. Still not sure Krye convinced me to care about the outcome... though there is a little bit of hope that Axtilla will resurface. Not entirely sure I grasp why Axtilla had to die, but I did accept that it happened and that the show must go on.
Enjoyed the dialogue and little motions. Thought the pace and writing was entertaining and I'm pulled along to know what happens next, a few places where I paused... a few sentences. Only one line of dialogue that I worried might have hit me in an expository way. I like your writing, the style bothers me in a way that tickles under my skin. It's a weird thing that I can't explain very well, but it is something that I like/ notice about your writing that has a signiture about it.
My thoughts as they came:
love her again. That's her promise."
(Ah hope, and I remember the hand in the back, was wondering if it had been Krye messing with him, or something more. Nice to see it might be something more)
it? A partly formed thought nibbled at the corners of my mind.
(Good drawing into the scene here. I thought this a really good sentence)
"And to think(,)? I wouldn't listen!" Forever that would haunt me.
(I paused here. If only I would have listened! ?? Not sure, but I paused here to consider his phrasing)
"And you slithered in right there at her weakest moment to tell her she had to kill herself." (This felt odd to read... maybe it would come off more accusatory as a question? Did you use that moment to slither... ? As I read it, it felt like the line of a play, where the speaker is speaking to the audience to describe a scene they didn't witness)
vital activities if you had knowledge of them beforehand."
"Trust me." (Who is saying this? I want to think it's Pondria... but if It's Krye, the disconnection from the rest of what he's saying obscures who is speaking. )
"I'm afraid not."
"I see," he said[,] with a calmness that counterpointed my
(suggest delete comma)
sniffed and returned the jar to his feet. "Now(,)? Pondria, let's
enlisted for a mission that's more important {even than} the
(did you mean even than... over than even? Not sure, so figured to check)
in this, Pondria," he said[,] with more than a tinge of sternness in
(suggesting to delete)
threat any clearer."
(Isn't this where Pondria should be like... Yay! kill me then? Or is he completely believing that Axtilla will somehow come back to him in some way again?)
"But ..." He threw up his hands, palms open, and his face adopted the expression of mock surprise, (I got lost after here.. the image here tumbled out of control after surprise. It might need to be broken up, or rechecked... this sentence) with a slow shake of his head and an open mouth which slowly transformed to a smile (Krye smiles a lot)
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
(A satisfying way to explain the move from, we don't care if Ruether wins... to Kyre's: I don't care if you care, I win... you play the game, too bad, so sad, don't make me mad. It was good to explain with the last part, the fear of losing Axtilla from even his memory at all.)
Even that sounded to my jaded ears like it ended as a question.
(Krye was not very likeable in this chapter, but I liked his not likeableness... I thought of Q. He made me think of Q, with his Godish arrogance and rudeness and his bored sort of can-do-what-I-like)
settee and had(placed?) my hand on the large knob, when my
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
|
Hi, Jay... I read through this chapter. Noticed a lot of grinning, accepted that Pondria's fight has been deflated and he would rather head along and do his part than maybe lose the last bits of Axtilla in his memories of her, as Kyre has wiped his memories before (As Axtilla mentioned not long ago) Leaving this chapter, I remember jellybeans and grins/smiles, and pokings by Krye in the shape of Green, and know that the show-down with Glnot is back on. Still not sure Krye convinced me to care about the outcome... though there is a little bit of hope that Axtilla will resurface. Not entirely sure I grasp why Axtilla had to die, but I did accept that it happened and that the show must go on.
Enjoyed the dialogue and little motions. Thought the pace and writing was entertaining and I'm pulled along to know what happens next, a few places where I paused... a few sentences. Only one line of dialogue that I worried might have hit me in an expository way. I like your writing, the style bothers me in a way that tickles under my skin. It's a weird thing that I can't explain very well, but it is something that I like/ notice about your writing that has a signiture about it.
My thoughts as they came:
love her again. That's her promise."
(Ah hope, and I remember the hand in the back, was wondering if it had been Krye messing with him, or something more. Nice to see it might be something more)
it? A partly formed thought nibbled at the corners of my mind.
(Good drawing into the scene here. I thought this a really good sentence)
"And to think(,)? I wouldn't listen!" Forever that would haunt me.
(I paused here. If only I would have listened! ?? Not sure, but I paused here to consider his phrasing)
"And you slithered in right there at her weakest moment to tell her she had to kill herself." (This felt odd to read... maybe it would come off more accusatory as a question? Did you use that moment to slither... ? As I read it, it felt like the line of a play, where the speaker is speaking to the audience to describe a scene they didn't witness)
vital activities if you had knowledge of them beforehand."
"Trust me." (Who is saying this? I want to think it's Pondria... but if It's Krye, the disconnection from the rest of what he's saying obscures who is speaking. )
"I'm afraid not."
"I see," he said[,] with a calmness that counterpointed my
(suggest delete comma)
sniffed and returned the jar to his feet. "Now(,)? Pondria, let's
enlisted for a mission that's more important {even than} the
(did you mean even than... over than even? Not sure, so figured to check)
in this, Pondria," he said[,] with more than a tinge of sternness in
(suggesting to delete)
threat any clearer."
(Isn't this where Pondria should be like... Yay! kill me then? Or is he completely believing that Axtilla will somehow come back to him in some way again?)
"But ..." He threw up his hands, palms open, and his face adopted the expression of mock surprise, (I got lost after here.. the image here tumbled out of control after surprise. It might need to be broken up, or rechecked... this sentence) with a slow shake of his head and an open mouth which slowly transformed to a smile (Krye smiles a lot)
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
(A satisfying way to explain the move from, we don't care if Ruether wins... to Kyre's: I don't care if you care, I win... you play the game, too bad, so sad, don't make me mad. It was good to explain with the last part, the fear of losing Axtilla from even his memory at all.)
Even that sounded to my jaded ears like it ended as a question.
(Krye was not very likeable in this chapter, but I liked his not likeableness... I thought of Q. He made me think of Q, with his Godish arrogance and rudeness and his bored sort of can-do-what-I-like)
settee and had(placed?) my hand on the large knob, when my
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
-
Hey, Turtle ... yours and Alex's are far too meaty to rush through them. There are some changes I want to make, especially that sentence that lost you in it. I agree. It gave me problems as I was writing it and I never felt I got it quite right.
You are the second person who mentioned "Q". Who is Q?.
Just know I've pasted your concerns in a folder to use for the next edit, after it drops. Thank you so much for all the gold in your review!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Great chapter, Jay. Well written and very interesting, my friend. This is good. "Perhaps you should understand the pliancy of time ... when in the right hands." Have a good week~Debbie
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
|
Great chapter, Jay. Well written and very interesting, my friend. This is good. "Perhaps you should understand the pliancy of time ... when in the right hands." Have a good week~Debbie
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
-
Debbie, thanks for reading. I'm suffering under the same time restraints as you, so forgive me if I let something slip through.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, I will be perfectly honest that I'm a bit lost in this chapter. I'm not sure I quite understand it, and that is no fault of yours. There is something in the past that I haven't read. Your writing is as usual beautiful. It's a joy to read. I am looking forward to the next chapter and hopefully I'll have a better understanding of what is to happen. This Kyre has a lot of power. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
|
Hi Jay, I will be perfectly honest that I'm a bit lost in this chapter. I'm not sure I quite understand it, and that is no fault of yours. There is something in the past that I haven't read. Your writing is as usual beautiful. It's a joy to read. I am looking forward to the next chapter and hopefully I'll have a better understanding of what is to happen. This Kyre has a lot of power. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
-
Sorry you got lost, Ulla. You were in good company. Not much I can do about it since the plot is so dependent on what went before in the other two books. But as long as you keep piling on the praise, I'll forgive you anything. LOL, thanks.
-
I do need to get to grips with this, because I love the story. Ulla:))
Comment from Tpa
I'm not much of a fan of fantasy, still as I read your work as I done in the past, your writing intrigues me and your characters are astounding. I need some catching up on past chapters and indeed worthwhile doing so.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
|
I'm not much of a fan of fantasy, still as I read your work as I done in the past, your writing intrigues me and your characters are astounding. I need some catching up on past chapters and indeed worthwhile doing so.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
-
I'm glad you chose to read this chapter even though you don't care for Fantasy. Thanks for your kindness.
