| Biographical Non-Fiction posted October 16, 2023 | Chapters: |
...18 19 -20- 21... 
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The camp shows cracks... Age 15
A chapter in the book Ghost
Tightrope
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Laying back on my bed with my little dog at my feet trying to reorganize my thoughts into the chain of events that led to my exit from the forest. But to do Justice to the thing all must be told....
My mind slips back in time once again to the forest, to a girl with a large stubborn streak and a sense of justice.
A bird's eye view as I swoop in and join the girl I know.
I understand that the scene will soon turn dark again.
But the river still flows...from my memory to text it goes...No stop signs!
*****************************
Looking around my campsite, I realized that I shouldn't have everything lying on the forest floor.
The trees to hang stuff is okay but just a temporary measure.
I think it's time to do better than that. At the back end of the park, there was a Junior high school and a field connected to the park just inside the field was a row of Willow trees. Weeping Willow to be exact.
Their branches are like long arms that hang down to the ground slim fingers trailing the grass.
These were not stiff like most trees but flexible like vines with slim green leaves.
I twisted off half a dozen of the branches enough to make a shortish rope. With branches in tow, I walked down the side of the field towards the forest.
Out of the side of my eye, I noticed a middle-aged lady with a walking stick looking curiously at me.
I pretended not to see her, entered the trail then slipped off into the forest when I rounded the curve in the trail.
"Weird," I thought. I returned to my campsite. I wasn't sure how I was gonna make these Willow branches into a rope.
I had a vague idea, but it required experimenting. I finally settled on splitting the end of the Willow about a quarter way up into three strips. I did the same to the other branches. After that, I took two split-end branches and braided them together.
Then I repeated the process with the other branches. Before long, I had about a 10-foot piece of rope. I tugged on either end. Just to make sure that they would stay together. At least for a while. I took the newly made rope and strung it between two trees then gingerly hung my jacket over it.
It held...no signs of weakening.
Satisfied I brushed my hands off and looked around me. Two stumps parallel to each other, a couple of feet apart.
I stared at it for a moment and considered maybe a makeshift table could be done.
I looked around for a long piece of pine bark of which there was much and selected a three-foot-long piece which I laid between the two stumps. I adjusted it a little and stood back. "Good." I thought and tried a couple of cans on top. It too held for now. Well, tell me, let me know. It was time for a break. Food was mostly required now. I pulled out the bread on the bologna and made myself a triple sandwich.
I spoiled myself with that extra layer so I could have two pieces of bologna instead of one. That was my logic at the time.
Dusk came calling so I lit a small fire and sat down on a log to think. It was long past due.
Gazing off into the fire watching the orange darts lift their skirts to spread the burn while branches bowed and opened their flaming arms...something let go inside me followed by rivers of pain, floods of tears. It struck me once again the reality of my situation. No family, no one who loved me. Not a single soul in the world wondered if I still lived and breathed....
No conclusive answers came to me...none. It happened every time I thought about what to do. The miracle I hoped for would never be.
It was unrealistic maybe, but I had to hope for something. The sadness and the fear came rushing through me.
The depression had been with me for a long time, this was no surprise. But with it came a new fear. Where would I find myself in the fall? Where would I go? How would I live?
Having no answers opened the door to the new fear I find myself feeling more and more often.
Exhaustion finally shut down the onslaught of emotion, I put out the fire and crawled into my sleeping bag where sleep took me immediately.
Morning came shining in turning my tent into a bright green almost luminous shade that said time to rise.
I stretched, took an apple from the bag then walked to the nearest trail. Coming into what I affectionately called skunk cabbage city, I almost walked into the same middle-aged woman that I saw in the field the day before. The same walking stick gripped in her hand she stared at me.
I couldn't tell if she glared at me or looked at me in curiosity.
I concluded it was a strange mixture of both. I quickly spun around and walked back the way I came. I could hear her shout behind me.
"Hey, hey you! You better not be one of those hooligan homeless people! We don't like them in our park!"
Again, I pretended like I didn't hear her and kept on walking. After a while, I disappeared into the forest once again and returned to my campsite.
I thought to myself, "This is getting sketchy...I better stay close to my campsite I don't need any hassle."
But I just couldn't shake the feeling that it wouldn't be the last time I saw her...
*****************************
Those days still flash in my mind and I wonder if there's anything I could have done differently. I wonder if there was a place different I could have gone to. A different action. Turning left instead of right. Where would I be now?
The realization today that I didn't have then was;
My life, as was my sisters, was in danger the entire time. It may still be considering what I know now and didn't know then. But it's okay, it's not too late for me anymore.
But it's too late for them...and the hammer will fall....
Laying back on my bed with my little dog at my feet trying to reorganize my thoughts into the chain of events that led to my exit from the forest. But to do Justice to the thing all must be told....
My mind slips back in time once again to the forest, to a girl with a large stubborn streak and a sense of justice.
A bird's eye view as I swoop in and join the girl I know.
I understand that the scene will soon turn dark again.
But the river still flows...from my memory to text it goes...No stop signs!
*****************************
Looking around my campsite, I realized that I shouldn't have everything lying on the forest floor.
The trees to hang stuff is okay but just a temporary measure.
I think it's time to do better than that. At the back end of the park, there was a Junior high school and a field connected to the park just inside the field was a row of Willow trees. Weeping Willow to be exact.
Their branches are like long arms that hang down to the ground slim fingers trailing the grass.
These were not stiff like most trees but flexible like vines with slim green leaves.
I twisted off half a dozen of the branches enough to make a shortish rope. With branches in tow, I walked down the side of the field towards the forest.
Out of the side of my eye, I noticed a middle-aged lady with a walking stick looking curiously at me.
I pretended not to see her, entered the trail then slipped off into the forest when I rounded the curve in the trail.
"Weird," I thought. I returned to my campsite. I wasn't sure how I was gonna make these Willow branches into a rope.
I had a vague idea, but it required experimenting. I finally settled on splitting the end of the Willow about a quarter way up into three strips. I did the same to the other branches. After that, I took two split-end branches and braided them together.
Then I repeated the process with the other branches. Before long, I had about a 10-foot piece of rope. I tugged on either end. Just to make sure that they would stay together. At least for a while. I took the newly made rope and strung it between two trees then gingerly hung my jacket over it.
It held...no signs of weakening.
Satisfied I brushed my hands off and looked around me. Two stumps parallel to each other, a couple of feet apart.
I stared at it for a moment and considered maybe a makeshift table could be done.
I looked around for a long piece of pine bark of which there was much and selected a three-foot-long piece which I laid between the two stumps. I adjusted it a little and stood back. "Good." I thought and tried a couple of cans on top. It too held for now. Well, tell me, let me know. It was time for a break. Food was mostly required now. I pulled out the bread on the bologna and made myself a triple sandwich.
I spoiled myself with that extra layer so I could have two pieces of bologna instead of one. That was my logic at the time.
Dusk came calling so I lit a small fire and sat down on a log to think. It was long past due.
Gazing off into the fire watching the orange darts lift their skirts to spread the burn while branches bowed and opened their flaming arms...something let go inside me followed by rivers of pain, floods of tears. It struck me once again the reality of my situation. No family, no one who loved me. Not a single soul in the world wondered if I still lived and breathed....
No conclusive answers came to me...none. It happened every time I thought about what to do. The miracle I hoped for would never be.
It was unrealistic maybe, but I had to hope for something. The sadness and the fear came rushing through me.
The depression had been with me for a long time, this was no surprise. But with it came a new fear. Where would I find myself in the fall? Where would I go? How would I live?
Having no answers opened the door to the new fear I find myself feeling more and more often.
Exhaustion finally shut down the onslaught of emotion, I put out the fire and crawled into my sleeping bag where sleep took me immediately.
Morning came shining in turning my tent into a bright green almost luminous shade that said time to rise.
I stretched, took an apple from the bag then walked to the nearest trail. Coming into what I affectionately called skunk cabbage city, I almost walked into the same middle-aged woman that I saw in the field the day before. The same walking stick gripped in her hand she stared at me.
I couldn't tell if she glared at me or looked at me in curiosity.
I concluded it was a strange mixture of both. I quickly spun around and walked back the way I came. I could hear her shout behind me.
"Hey, hey you! You better not be one of those hooligan homeless people! We don't like them in our park!"
Again, I pretended like I didn't hear her and kept on walking. After a while, I disappeared into the forest once again and returned to my campsite.
I thought to myself, "This is getting sketchy...I better stay close to my campsite I don't need any hassle."
But I just couldn't shake the feeling that it wouldn't be the last time I saw her...
*****************************
Those days still flash in my mind and I wonder if there's anything I could have done differently. I wonder if there was a place different I could have gone to. A different action. Turning left instead of right. Where would I be now?
The realization today that I didn't have then was;
My life, as was my sisters, was in danger the entire time. It may still be considering what I know now and didn't know then. But it's okay, it's not too late for me anymore.
But it's too late for them...and the hammer will fall....
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