cjsthoughts

cjsthoughts: Thank you all for reviewing and liking my work on Today I found a friend!..
Today I Found a Friend... finished first in the member created contest "Found It"
THANK YOU ALL!

cjsthoughts: "WHEN YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, SOMETIMES ITS BETTER TO DO NOTHING"!

cjsthoughts: GOD

G =GOOD
O =ORDERLY
D =DIRECTION

cjsthoughts: Emotion Captures Quiet Musical Notes

Beauty
wraps us in smiles;
fluttered wisps which linger
on the edge of silent desire,
kiss me?

Laughter
dances passion
across these cool heartbeats,
giggles flip romance in the air
with grins.

This love
will roam soft songs
while fragrant emotion
captures quiet musical notes
in breath.

Let's rush
through wild rainbows,
relax muscles as mist
caresses our wonderful love;
so fine.

Rich life
slips freedom's bliss
into mouths exploring
as daylight waves goodbye to us
with sighs.

Beauty
dances passion
while fragrant emotion
caresses our wonderful love
with sighs.

cjsthoughts: The Roaring Rain
The only thing I can see through the window is thick rain drops piercing down on my conscious.
I stay in the middle of my bed curled up and trying to shield myself from the unknown.
I feel like it is never going to shine and never going to stop raining.
The night seems restless and everlasting.
A loud Roar of wind comes crashing down on my window.
I feel that itā??s trying to get inside and take me away.
Why canā??t this night end soon?!
Iā??m utterly alone in confining myself to this prison called home.
Iā??m in solitude that has despair written all around it.
Thereā??s no where else to turn.
Desperate for this night to be over.
Iā??m daring the sun to come out,
But it doesnā??t.
My ears catch every rain drop that falls, while my eyes are blinded shut by darkness.
I stay curled in my fragile state, wishing for this dreadful night to end.
Thereā??s no peaked window that is not surrounded by the pitch black darkness of the night.
Thereā??s no opening of light to which my skin feels warmth.
Thereā??s no crystal clear view, only the solitary confinement which Iā??m in.
I have nothing else to do but sit and wait.
Quietly crunched in my bed, waiting for darkness to fade into the sunlight.
I will wait!
Trying to contain my thoughts in silence.
I must simply waitā?¦..In hopes that I will not fade within the darkness

cjsthoughts: ME

Can't you see
The pain in my eyes?
But this is me
And my life.
If you hold me close
You can hear my heart
It cries more than most
From being torn apart.
After every breath I take,
After every fight I witness,
I ask "why must I awake?"
Will I ever conquer forgiveness?
Can you ever truly
Forgive without forgetting?
I am lonely.
My life I am abandoning.
From pain I am running.
Even though these tears are streaming
I will never look back.
All in all,
I have one question to ask.
Would you still catch me if I fall?
Maybe one day you will see.
This is how I live,
And this is me.

cjsthoughts:
INSIDE OUT..

Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,
yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease,
yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious,
yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies,
yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,
yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life,
yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image,
yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence,
yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,
yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.

What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,
What hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine

cjsthoughts: Sleep Never Came!


Sleep Can Never Come
Stripped of my comfort,
I have no place to sleep.
Confused with anxiety,
I can only weep.

Why did this happen?
Oh why is it me?
I don't know what to do,
This time, I can't flee.

With no where to run,
I think I'll lay down.
Only for a bit,
Until the day I'm found.

cjsthoughts: I met myself

I met myself,
reflections gathered
the dust of years,
smiled with hunger.

I listened,
with rapt attention,
to my mouth's curves
speaking backward
to my captive eyes.

'Open this life,
quench your thirst
with love,
beautiful heart.
Eat of this spirit.'

And so
I fed myself
promises,
laughed wine
down the front
of my feelings.

Loneliness faltered,
split hairs, ran across
the back of my neck.

I met myself
as I was leaving.

cjsthoughts: I neeed feedback on wether or not to edit my poem like this? and make it a
Prose Piece or stanzas...
Thanks
Read Below:
and retitle a letter from heaven? Instead of Heaven? FEEDBACK APPRECIATED.
Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.
He loves me and cries with me, for my heart has been
broken.

I so wanted to be your little girl.

I don't quite understand what has happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my chance.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place.
I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near
ready to leave my surroundings.

I spent most of my
time thinking or sleeping.

Even from my earliest days,
I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I heard Daddy yelling back.
I was sad, and hoped you would be
better soon.

I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day.
I hurt for you.
I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing happened.
A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never
once tried to help me.

Maybe you never heard me.

The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and
screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help
me."

Complete terror is all I felt.

I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arm off.

It hurt so badly;
the pain I can never explain. It didn't stop.
Oh, how I begged it to stop.
I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.
Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.

I knew I would never see your face or hear you
say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your
tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy.

Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.

Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my
heart breaking, above all.

I wanted more than anything
to be your daughter.

No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the
terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted
to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I
didn't know the words you could understand. And soon,
I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.

I felt myself rising.
I was being carried, by a huge angel, into a big beautiful place.
I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap.
He said He loved me, and He was my Father.
Then I was happy.

I asked Him what the thing was that killed me.

He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name
of the monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and
to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.
I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had
the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too
powerful. It sucked my arm and legs off and finally
got all of me.

It was impossible to live.

I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't
want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that
abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate
for you to go through the kind of pain I did.

Please be careful.

Love,
Your Baby

cjsthoughts: "IT IS WHAT IT IS"....

cjsthoughts: "IF YOU FEEL IT, AND ITS YOUR THOUGHT, THEN ITS "VALID...."

cjsthoughts: ACROSTIC....
Dissociate from your life
Escape the reality
Xrayed from god knows where
Taken from the world of strife
Ripped from you body like an Iraq war Fatality
On your knees you say a prayer
Mind? You don't have one
Essentially this is the end
The only problem is you
Have no beginning all is done
On the void you start to transcend
Realizing what this drug has brought to you
Perhaps if you had knew
Here forever would you be
And that you could never be free
Never would you have taken this drug you decree


Here you lie in the bathroom floor
You are not sure if you can take this anymore
Drained to the core
Regurgitating the food you ate before
Overdose? You start to worry
Being that the room is blurry
Reinforced by the furry
Of your heart and lung's hurry
Morning comes you're happy to be alive
In the car you run and start to drive
Dreading all the thing you almost never did
Engaging life, lest you waste it, ... heaven forbid

cjsthoughts: Anxiously living in a beat-up enviorment
not always knowing what to do.
Feeling a game of loss in life
although my beliefs are true
trying to stay focused and learning to say NO!
I feel as if I got lost somewhere?
As my feelings got real low.
I'm trying to fight my battle
for i dont have a weapon
I feel like im bareback on a horse without the saddle.
Disconnected abrubtly.. Feelings of neglect
looking back from deep within
and feeling and remembering the regrets.
Never did i wish to be locked up again.
These feelings are undescribable.
This time I wont pretend
I will let my feelings go
not to forget...
But to remember to be able to bring these feeings to an END!

"AND LET MY POSITIVE ENERGY FLOW".
CJ