Now I Don't Remember
Loop poem: An old lady's jumbled memories.21 total reviews
Comment from sammielwf
Lisa,
This was pulling at the heart strings tough to read. Not because it was not good- but because it was so good.
Dementia is such an elusive and heartbreaking journey to embark on....whether you are the outside observer or the main participant.
The way your story line laid out the jumbled and poignant and sad life cycle was excellent. I wish I had 6 stars left to give you.
Thank you so much for sharing your talents with us.
Sammielwf
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Lisa,
This was pulling at the heart strings tough to read. Not because it was not good- but because it was so good.
Dementia is such an elusive and heartbreaking journey to embark on....whether you are the outside observer or the main participant.
The way your story line laid out the jumbled and poignant and sad life cycle was excellent. I wish I had 6 stars left to give you.
Thank you so much for sharing your talents with us.
Sammielwf
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
Comment from F J Kun
LM: Making form highlight meaning and theme seems almost forgotten by most authors. Well done. I hear similar trains of thought (though none so artful) whenever we visit my Grandmother (in law's) high end assisted living apartment block. FJK
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LM: Making form highlight meaning and theme seems almost forgotten by most authors. Well done. I hear similar trains of thought (though none so artful) whenever we visit my Grandmother (in law's) high end assisted living apartment block. FJK
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
Comment from Michele Harber
OMG, Lisa May, what an absolutely brilliant idea! Before ever reading your explanation, I figured out what you were doing, and it was equal parts beautiful and heartwrenching, mainly because I know people currently who are having spirited (pun definitely intended) conversations with long-gone relatives. When my great grandmother got older, I had to introduce myself every time I visited her in the nursing home. You made wonderful use of the Loop Poem parameters, and I especially loved where you were able to give the first word of the new line its own meaning, and not just use it as the repetition of the previous word. I also loved that you rhymed it, and did so perfectly.
I intend to write something for the contest myself when I get the chance, but I'll shoot for second or third place, because I think you have first place wrapped up. Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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OMG, Lisa May, what an absolutely brilliant idea! Before ever reading your explanation, I figured out what you were doing, and it was equal parts beautiful and heartwrenching, mainly because I know people currently who are having spirited (pun definitely intended) conversations with long-gone relatives. When my great grandmother got older, I had to introduce myself every time I visited her in the nursing home. You made wonderful use of the Loop Poem parameters, and I especially loved where you were able to give the first word of the new line its own meaning, and not just use it as the repetition of the previous word. I also loved that you rhymed it, and did so perfectly.
I intend to write something for the contest myself when I get the chance, but I'll shoot for second or third place, because I think you have first place wrapped up. Good luck!
Comment Written 08-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Thanks so much for your stellar review. I'm pleased with how you noted why it worked so well... the points you make are the aspects I concentrated on, not wanting my poem to sound like those that irritate me with repetition just because it says to do it in the requirements.
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I'm the same way. I try very hard to use another meaning of the word or another context. I respect poets like you who make the effort to do that and not just take the easy way out.
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yes, we're on the same page about that.
Have a lovely day/night. I am about to go away for the day with my Maori group to the coast.
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Thank you, and have a wonderful time. I'm looking forward to reading more about the Maoris.
Comment from juliaSjames
I find it difficult to comment on this poetic format. But so far as I can tell, you have observed all the technicalities. Good idea to channel a memory challenged elder.
Good luck in the contest.
Stay safe
Blessings Julia
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I find it difficult to comment on this poetic format. But so far as I can tell, you have observed all the technicalities. Good idea to channel a memory challenged elder.
Good luck in the contest.
Stay safe
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
Comment from Y. M. Roger
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Beautiful, Virtual Six, my lady -- I am SOOOOO sorry that I'm out of sixes!! Some weeks I finish with some to spare and this week they're already gone - UGH! I truly expect to see this on the marquee on the home page when winners are announced for this one, L-M: it is just awesome.... starts out as, perhaps, a war story poem but the 'digression' and the 'perceptions' that appear as the 'big reveal' happens is just WONDERFULLY SAD (i.e., sooo well written!!). Your heart and your pen did well on this one! ;) Thanx for sharing!! ;) Yvette
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Beautiful, Virtual Six, my lady -- I am SOOOOO sorry that I'm out of sixes!! Some weeks I finish with some to spare and this week they're already gone - UGH! I truly expect to see this on the marquee on the home page when winners are announced for this one, L-M: it is just awesome.... starts out as, perhaps, a war story poem but the 'digression' and the 'perceptions' that appear as the 'big reveal' happens is just WONDERFULLY SAD (i.e., sooo well written!!). Your heart and your pen did well on this one! ;) Thanx for sharing!! ;) Yvette
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Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written loop poem about losing our memory is a hard reality we have to cope with. It usually start slowly and small things we can't remember until it becomes so big we get totally lost.
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A very well-written loop poem about losing our memory is a hard reality we have to cope with. It usually start slowly and small things we can't remember until it becomes so big we get totally lost.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is a very good loop poem. The situation described is so valid. It is mirroring the type of conversation you might have with someone who suffers from dimentia. Well done.
Ralf
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This is a very good loop poem. The situation described is so valid. It is mirroring the type of conversation you might have with someone who suffers from dimentia. Well done.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
Comment from Bill Schott
This loop poem, Now I Don't Remember, has the proper formatting and is quite hard to read. The idea of presenting it with a stressed speaker made it more tolerable. Sad and probably familiar story.
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This loop poem, Now I Don't Remember, has the proper formatting and is quite hard to read. The idea of presenting it with a stressed speaker made it more tolerable. Sad and probably familiar story.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from dragonpoet
This seems to be a story of a women who lost her love in a war and is now old and maybe suffering from Altzheimers.
I agree with your description of Loop poems.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
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This seems to be a story of a women who lost her love in a war and is now old and maybe suffering from Altzheimers.
I agree with your description of Loop poems.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from CrystieCookie999
The theme of this poem is about dementia and senility being what makes it harder for an older lady to remember details which were once so very important, even as suggested in the last line, details of her own marriage. I particularly like this line: Home... not my home. I want to go.
Good share.
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The theme of this poem is about dementia and senility being what makes it harder for an older lady to remember details which were once so very important, even as suggested in the last line, details of her own marriage. I particularly like this line: Home... not my home. I want to go.
Good share.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020