Time of Death: April, 2020
A NYC essential worker writes a sonnet in April, 2020.6 total reviews
Comment from lightink
I so wish I had a sixer left to honor this masterfully written sonnet!
I applaud you for going deep into the topic, using a vast variety of symbols, and strong, poetic yet stark language! This is my favorite in this contest. You showed great skill in composition and imagery!
Let me go through the whole poem:
The opening line is a great historic reference, while draws contrast between power-and lower classes, and shows there's something grand and threatening is about to come:
"In springtime, now, when kings go off to war,"
Then, you follow up with a stark image, which is much more static and final than he earlier line:
"We've parked cool mobile morgues on river's edge,'
Then, another awesome power reference, also, needing to 'ignore its makes it especially descriptive:
"Collected swabs, dressed up, ignored the czar.'
Then you showed the dedication and motivation alongside the great discomfort, and insufficient protection:
"First harm no one! We're bent to keep our pledge.
Our hands rubbed raw, our masks from yesterday,'
And the dreadful lack of success:
"We focus still on what is pressing now
And watch the lines go straight and flat and grey"
I love how you zoomed out a bit, making even the sky threatening:
"Just like this April sky's relentless vow.'
Then, turned your attention towards the lonely deaths:
"These people, when they die they die alone,
Though some do get the chance if time allows
For us to dial their next of kin at home,
To say goodbye, to give their final bows."
And the closing thought, the painfully ironic contrast between the dying everywhere and the time of resurrection!
"Easter Sunday, but round us only death,
We call the Time and watch the final breath.'
Such powerful writing!
Thank you for sharing this!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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I so wish I had a sixer left to honor this masterfully written sonnet!
I applaud you for going deep into the topic, using a vast variety of symbols, and strong, poetic yet stark language! This is my favorite in this contest. You showed great skill in composition and imagery!
Let me go through the whole poem:
The opening line is a great historic reference, while draws contrast between power-and lower classes, and shows there's something grand and threatening is about to come:
"In springtime, now, when kings go off to war,"
Then, you follow up with a stark image, which is much more static and final than he earlier line:
"We've parked cool mobile morgues on river's edge,'
Then, another awesome power reference, also, needing to 'ignore its makes it especially descriptive:
"Collected swabs, dressed up, ignored the czar.'
Then you showed the dedication and motivation alongside the great discomfort, and insufficient protection:
"First harm no one! We're bent to keep our pledge.
Our hands rubbed raw, our masks from yesterday,'
And the dreadful lack of success:
"We focus still on what is pressing now
And watch the lines go straight and flat and grey"
I love how you zoomed out a bit, making even the sky threatening:
"Just like this April sky's relentless vow.'
Then, turned your attention towards the lonely deaths:
"These people, when they die they die alone,
Though some do get the chance if time allows
For us to dial their next of kin at home,
To say goodbye, to give their final bows."
And the closing thought, the painfully ironic contrast between the dying everywhere and the time of resurrection!
"Easter Sunday, but round us only death,
We call the Time and watch the final breath.'
Such powerful writing!
Thank you for sharing this!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Gaaa, you MADE MY WEEK. Thank you a million times over for this marvelous and thorough review. I'm forever in your debt. Bless you.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow... a very sobering look at the life and death that surrounded the hospitals and such in those times of crisis... good approach/focus choice for your contest offering. ;) Best of luck at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Wow... a very sobering look at the life and death that surrounded the hospitals and such in those times of crisis... good approach/focus choice for your contest offering. ;) Best of luck at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 08-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your reviewing!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a poignant sonnet about the events in April 2020 when the virus took hold and killed many people along its way. This is such a sad recollection of events.
One line is out of meter here:
"Easter Sunday, but round us only death,"
Perhaps:
"As Easter Sunday had its rounds of death"
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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This is a poignant sonnet about the events in April 2020 when the virus took hold and killed many people along its way. This is such a sad recollection of events.
One line is out of meter here:
"Easter Sunday, but round us only death,"
Perhaps:
"As Easter Sunday had its rounds of death"
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Nice insight, Dolly! Thank you! And thanks for taking the time to really be able to offer advice. I appreciate it.
Comment from zanya
This Sonnet is a stark reminder, if we still need one, of the daily reality of life for our brave front line workers during this pandemic- thank you for being so courageous
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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This Sonnet is a stark reminder, if we still need one, of the daily reality of life for our brave front line workers during this pandemic- thank you for being so courageous
Comment Written 08-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2020
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Thanks for your time and attention to this sonnet. So appreciated.
Comment from Wabigoon
Very good. Spare and yet includes numerous images that relate to your all too sad theme. I am glad someone who is in your position has the oomph to put some of what they feel down on paper. Do more, meaning write more please -- documents like yours of this era will be important in the future.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Very good. Spare and yet includes numerous images that relate to your all too sad theme. I am glad someone who is in your position has the oomph to put some of what they feel down on paper. Do more, meaning write more please -- documents like yours of this era will be important in the future.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 02-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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You are so kind. Thank you so much for your time and your wonderful words.
Comment from Earl Corp
That must have been tough. Your poem rhymed, made sense, was spiritual, and had emotion in it. Good luck in the contest. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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That must have been tough. Your poem rhymed, made sense, was spiritual, and had emotion in it. Good luck in the contest. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Earl. That means a lot, coming from you! I appreciate it.