The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Winds of Change in a Sea of Blue"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
14 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi Stan vI enjoy reading this story each time you post something new. This paragraph is stellar and very professional-sounding narrative:
"That night we both looked at each other, having shed our clothes and left nothing to the imagination under the vow of heaven. There was no burden of shame, no doubt left to linger. Our vows freed us. As we held each other naked between the sheets, words were no longer enough to hold us. We consumed each other."
Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Hi Stan vI enjoy reading this story each time you post something new. This paragraph is stellar and very professional-sounding narrative:
"That night we both looked at each other, having shed our clothes and left nothing to the imagination under the vow of heaven. There was no burden of shame, no doubt left to linger. Our vows freed us. As we held each other naked between the sheets, words were no longer enough to hold us. We consumed each other."
Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much, Bob. I'm glad you pulled that paragraph out and liked it.
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That is outstanding writing, Stosh.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
The wedding ceremony is well done with sensitive detail. Incorporating the child in the ceremony is really good. Thar stark realities of the frontier days are clear in the story. Sleeping with the rifle is a very clear descriptive.
I was struck with the following phrase: "We consumed each other." That's a very strong line that speaks volumes.
Great job.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Hello Stan.
The wedding ceremony is well done with sensitive detail. Incorporating the child in the ceremony is really good. Thar stark realities of the frontier days are clear in the story. Sleeping with the rifle is a very clear descriptive.
I was struck with the following phrase: "We consumed each other." That's a very strong line that speaks volumes.
Great job.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Robert. That seemed to have resonated. I was searching for a way to show how you can be romantic with the decadence.
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You're welcome
Comment from Alaskastory
"Winds of Change in a Sea of Blue" tells of marriage at troubled times. Fear seemed very present with mention of nearby Indians and a dress for Skye and fear with "..back to haunt me like the echo of a pebble to a dank, dark well." I had hoped Jane would have expressed more word of joy at the wedding. But, I look forward to next in the story.
typo:"She was still trying (to) find where she belonged"
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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"Winds of Change in a Sea of Blue" tells of marriage at troubled times. Fear seemed very present with mention of nearby Indians and a dress for Skye and fear with "..back to haunt me like the echo of a pebble to a dank, dark well." I had hoped Jane would have expressed more word of joy at the wedding. But, I look forward to next in the story.
typo:"She was still trying (to) find where she belonged"
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Maria. I was searching for a way to get that in the storyline, because it becomes pivotal later on.
Comment from royowen
Beautifully and tastefully written my friend. You've done an excellent job with this episode. To seal a love bond, and consummate the mystery which is the lifeblood of a covenant union, is a blessed event. To take on a readymade family is likewise the same. Well done my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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Beautifully and tastefully written my friend. You've done an excellent job with this episode. To seal a love bond, and consummate the mystery which is the lifeblood of a covenant union, is a blessed event. To take on a readymade family is likewise the same. Well done my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much, Roy. Appreciate those words about a covenant union.
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Well done
Comment from Mistydawn
They finally did it. I'm so happy for them. Maybe now things will turn around, I hope. It doesn't sound like it'll be good for Skye though. Your chapter is well-written, interesting start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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They finally did it. I'm so happy for them. Maybe now things will turn around, I hope. It doesn't sound like it'll be good for Skye though. Your chapter is well-written, interesting start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Misty. The part about Skye was important, because it becomes integral to the story later.
Comment from Sally Law
Nothing says romance like a prairie wedding, and a honeymoon with a rifle in your bed. I'm glad the threat of attack and cold gunmetal didn't spoil the mood. A lovely story and very real. Life was much simpler back then.
One small improvement for your fine chapter.
"Folks filed out to greet us outside." Out is said here twice.
My two suggestions: "Folks hurried outside to greet us."
Or..."The church emptied to the lawn to greet us."
I hope this is helpful. Bravo on another fine chapter, Forest. Sorry I'm so late.
Sal xo
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Nothing says romance like a prairie wedding, and a honeymoon with a rifle in your bed. I'm glad the threat of attack and cold gunmetal didn't spoil the mood. A lovely story and very real. Life was much simpler back then.
One small improvement for your fine chapter.
"Folks filed out to greet us outside." Out is said here twice.
My two suggestions: "Folks hurried outside to greet us."
Or..."The church emptied to the lawn to greet us."
I hope this is helpful. Bravo on another fine chapter, Forest. Sorry I'm so late.
Sal xo
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Thanks again for this golden plus, Sally. Blessings between the bookends.
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You are most welcome. :))
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I meant to say [onto] the lawn. My voice over text is a ?Thorn in my flesh.?
Comment from Shirley McLain
I like this chapter. I have to do some reading and catching up on your storyline. I didn't find any mistakes. You did a great job, as always. Have a great afternoon. Shirley
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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I like this chapter. I have to do some reading and catching up on your storyline. I didn't find any mistakes. You did a great job, as always. Have a great afternoon. Shirley
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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Thanks again, Shirley.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What a lovely romantic wedding day. Jake and Jane finally tied the knot and are now a family with Jane's son. This is a great story, and I enjoyed it very much.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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What a lovely romantic wedding day. Jake and Jane finally tied the knot and are now a family with Jane's son. This is a great story, and I enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Rebecca. So appreciate your kind words.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Your chapters are always so well-developed from beginning to end. Sounds like it was quite the celebration with the whole town there for a wedding festival. Roasted pig, pumpkin pie, and corn whiskey ought to be on any number of western celebration menus, ha. Only found a few tiny rough spots:
He'd planted his love in my heart, and as a young widow of only twenty, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
There is an antecedent problem that is easily fixed. That is to say, 'widow' comes before 'we' in the next clause. But the pronoun that would agree with 'widow' should be 'I' since it is Jane narrating in first person. One solution: After the word twenty, just add Jake's age in there as well (I can't recall his age, so I'll just guess 24), so:
He'd planted his love in my heart. As a young widow of only twenty, and Jake at age twenty-four, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
The wedding reception was a blended celebration and harvest time at our homestead. I think I would change 'and harvest time' to 'with harvest time' to show what the wedding was blended with.
A hired man from town played the fiddle from a wagon and the crowd herded and danced in circles.
I would insert a comma after wagon since you have two independent clauses there.
Tables were lined in rows where we had roasted pig, pumpkin pies, and Mr. Greeley's famous corn whiskey.
Just for the sake of breathing, I would insert a comma after rows.
A suggestion: Jake might develop one or more nicknames for Jane in the days to come. That way, you would avoid the too-frequent use of the sound "Ja--" in the action.
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Your chapters are always so well-developed from beginning to end. Sounds like it was quite the celebration with the whole town there for a wedding festival. Roasted pig, pumpkin pie, and corn whiskey ought to be on any number of western celebration menus, ha. Only found a few tiny rough spots:
He'd planted his love in my heart, and as a young widow of only twenty, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
There is an antecedent problem that is easily fixed. That is to say, 'widow' comes before 'we' in the next clause. But the pronoun that would agree with 'widow' should be 'I' since it is Jane narrating in first person. One solution: After the word twenty, just add Jake's age in there as well (I can't recall his age, so I'll just guess 24), so:
He'd planted his love in my heart. As a young widow of only twenty, and Jake at age twenty-four, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
The wedding reception was a blended celebration and harvest time at our homestead. I think I would change 'and harvest time' to 'with harvest time' to show what the wedding was blended with.
A hired man from town played the fiddle from a wagon and the crowd herded and danced in circles.
I would insert a comma after wagon since you have two independent clauses there.
Tables were lined in rows where we had roasted pig, pumpkin pies, and Mr. Greeley's famous corn whiskey.
Just for the sake of breathing, I would insert a comma after rows.
A suggestion: Jake might develop one or more nicknames for Jane in the days to come. That way, you would avoid the too-frequent use of the sound "Ja--" in the action.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2020
Comment from Mia Twysted
In times like those who knew what would happen next. They seem so good together and she seems so sure of him. It is hoped that they will not have to face the true, real, world around them too soon.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2020
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In times like those who knew what would happen next. They seem so good together and she seems so sure of him. It is hoped that they will not have to face the true, real, world around them too soon.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Mia!