Within the Bone
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Beast"A tale of love, magic, and revenge.
3 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Fantasy Fiction has a fantastic order of appreciable taletelling about a beast; I like the structured and balanced plot development, fostered by a few good dialogues contribute to the fostering of thematic maturation; beginning is catchy but ending is good; I expected entire expression were to be more appealing; there is too repetitiveness of characters by name and telling and telling of facts of the story with less and lesser showing; well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2020
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This Fantasy Fiction has a fantastic order of appreciable taletelling about a beast; I like the structured and balanced plot development, fostered by a few good dialogues contribute to the fostering of thematic maturation; beginning is catchy but ending is good; I expected entire expression were to be more appealing; there is too repetitiveness of characters by name and telling and telling of facts of the story with less and lesser showing; well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 26-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2020
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Thanks for reviewing! I?ll have to work on the repetition and show dynamics.
Comment from Ben B.
I sense some inspiration from "Beauty and the Beast" in here. So it's supposed to be subjective whether or not Aaolotar is an actual beast here not because of her condition but because of her attitude.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I sense some inspiration from "Beauty and the Beast" in here. So it's supposed to be subjective whether or not Aaolotar is an actual beast here not because of her condition but because of her attitude.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for reviewing! I actually hadn't considered a "Beauty and the Beast" angle, fitting werewolf myths into the existing mythos of these stories, but it does have some degree of fit to it. I appreciate the feedback!
Comment from AJ McCall
Wait, wait, wait... the beast was Aallotar? No wonder there were handprints at the beginning of the cave when Mara first came! And the troll told Mara that her fate was intertwined with a beast... it's Aallotar! That's perfect! But I knew the other smaller beast was Aallotar just based on me paying very close attention. This was my favorite chapter, and now Mara can stay, and maybe even break her cure. But that's so cool. Changing back and forth into a wolf or beast... I had an idea like that once, but I let my friend see it and he wrote his own version of it! And then told someone else about who later asked me if he could help me write it. Not something I'll be doing again.
Aallotar is my favorite! Man, I could see this as a movie... that'd be awesome! Well, I don't have six stars but think of it as six. I'll be looking for the next chapter Olsen!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Wait, wait, wait... the beast was Aallotar? No wonder there were handprints at the beginning of the cave when Mara first came! And the troll told Mara that her fate was intertwined with a beast... it's Aallotar! That's perfect! But I knew the other smaller beast was Aallotar just based on me paying very close attention. This was my favorite chapter, and now Mara can stay, and maybe even break her cure. But that's so cool. Changing back and forth into a wolf or beast... I had an idea like that once, but I let my friend see it and he wrote his own version of it! And then told someone else about who later asked me if he could help me write it. Not something I'll be doing again.
Aallotar is my favorite! Man, I could see this as a movie... that'd be awesome! Well, I don't have six stars but think of it as six. I'll be looking for the next chapter Olsen!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much for reviewing! I'm glad you approve. Aallotar and Mara are turning into a good pair.
I'm sorry about the trouble you had with a story idea being grabbed. It happens, but it is never a good feeling. Take care!
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You're welcome! And, yeah it never does. And I forgot to mention in the review that there is one thing that confused me. The part where Aallotar changes? : The creature tensed and lunged for her, a devouring fury fueling its charge across the meadow. It was on her in almost a split second, but it never connected.
As soon as it was within twenty feet of her, something horrible happened to the beast. There was a symphony of snapping, like every bone breaking at once, and the creature let out a banshee howl that turned into a scream of agony as its whole form twisted and contorted. Suddenly it was staggering rather than walking on all fours, fur growing lighter as it receded across the body. Joints snapped and twisted even as its legs changed shape. (I'm not sure if she was in the middle of lunging or the wolf never reached her because Aalllotar started to change.? Just confused me a bit.
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If I?m reading the question right, the answer is that the wolf creature is mid lunge when she transforms into Aallotar again because of the invisible collision with Mara?s anti-magic effect. I hope that clarifies. Probably means I have some fixing to do.
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Yeah, it does! :)
