The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Fireflies"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
14 total reviews
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is really good Forest. I like the setting and how you've presented that love can be found between these two and how it all came about. A man that will love you after another man has mistreated you and left you with a baby to raise is perhaps a man worth loving. I like the way that this is developing and enjoyed reading this well written chapter. Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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This is really good Forest. I like the setting and how you've presented that love can be found between these two and how it all came about. A man that will love you after another man has mistreated you and left you with a baby to raise is perhaps a man worth loving. I like the way that this is developing and enjoyed reading this well written chapter. Well done!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much, Jeff. I hope all is well. Blessings around the bookends!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hi Stan.
This is a very tenderly written chapter. You reflected on the emotions and concerns all at one time. The dialogue is realistic and well posed. You subtly incorporated the principle that when one crisis ends, another waits.
Robert
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Hi Stan.
This is a very tenderly written chapter. You reflected on the emotions and concerns all at one time. The dialogue is realistic and well posed. You subtly incorporated the principle that when one crisis ends, another waits.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
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Thanks again, Robert. I truly appreciate your voice.
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Hey Stan.
You're welcome. I enjoy your writing.
Robert
Comment from Fei Ma
A nice love story to read. Easy to follow. The background of the story was clear, after the war and after the bad husband was hung. She was pregnant and needed someone to take care of the land and the life on the farm. She agreed to marry him out of convenience for her life. Nothing wrong for that. But I personally would like to see the story to develop further till I can be convinced that she fell in love with him. Nice writing overall !!!
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020
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A nice love story to read. Easy to follow. The background of the story was clear, after the war and after the bad husband was hung. She was pregnant and needed someone to take care of the land and the life on the farm. She agreed to marry him out of convenience for her life. Nothing wrong for that. But I personally would like to see the story to develop further till I can be convinced that she fell in love with him. Nice writing overall !!!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much for your thoughtful review. I agree with you. I should have put in my notes, it ends part one of a two part novel.
Comment from royowen
What a lovely, the way handled it from the point of view of a woman's perspective, she accepting the proposal of Jake, knowing it was God's will, and now everything is from God's perspective. Beautifully written my friend, and writing it from the female gender's view, is a good thing, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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What a lovely, the way handled it from the point of view of a woman's perspective, she accepting the proposal of Jake, knowing it was God's will, and now everything is from God's perspective. Beautifully written my friend, and writing it from the female gender's view, is a good thing, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Yes, I enjoy writing out of the box, so to speak. I'm all man, but grew up loving how Harper Lee wrote in first person the unforgettable story. Appreciate the way this has been warmly receive. Fanstory is a great way to test a book before it goes to the editor etc... Blessings, Roy.
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You deserving of good things, and that's my prayer.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Stan. Very well written chapter.
Good opening hook for instance: "We watched the rebel men leave with torches on horses where darkness and distance shrunk the flames into harmless embers."
Also, good characterizations and images, like:
"I wanted to say I was haunted by what happened. But I was relieved Horace was exposed for his Jake took my hand and walked me away. I took advantage of the private moment and whispered in his ear, words slipping from my tongue with no where else to go."
Suggestions: "Jake reassured my hired hands on the homestead that the old soldiers would not bother us again." Eliminate words not needed, like here: Make it "Jake reassured the hired hands that the old soldiers wouldn't bother us again."
Good job, Stan. Bob
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Hi, Stan. Very well written chapter.
Good opening hook for instance: "We watched the rebel men leave with torches on horses where darkness and distance shrunk the flames into harmless embers."
Also, good characterizations and images, like:
"I wanted to say I was haunted by what happened. But I was relieved Horace was exposed for his Jake took my hand and walked me away. I took advantage of the private moment and whispered in his ear, words slipping from my tongue with no where else to go."
Suggestions: "Jake reassured my hired hands on the homestead that the old soldiers would not bother us again." Eliminate words not needed, like here: Make it "Jake reassured the hired hands that the old soldiers wouldn't bother us again."
Good job, Stan. Bob
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Bob. You've never steered me in the wrong direction. I will get to your installment. Day to day work and life in general get in the way.
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Thanks, Stan. :) Bob
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Thanks, Stan. :) Bob
Comment from Mistydawn
What a wonderful chapter. It's so warm heartfelt. I could feel the love they have for each other on every line. The proposal is so romantic, and the fireflies are a nice added touch.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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What a wonderful chapter. It's so warm heartfelt. I could feel the love they have for each other on every line. The proposal is so romantic, and the fireflies are a nice added touch.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Misty. I'm kind of ending part 1 of the full story. The intensity and conflict will soon rise, but I wanted to reset things for the relationship between Jake and Jane, so it hopefully keeps the reader wanting to know. Stan
Comment from Alaskastory
"Fireflies" is a chapter that surely intrigues any reader. No one can set aside this story as Jane and Jake officially become a couple. I enjoyed how they spoke to each other. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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"Fireflies" is a chapter that surely intrigues any reader. No one can set aside this story as Jane and Jake officially become a couple. I enjoyed how they spoke to each other. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Maria. So glad we stay in touch.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a beautiful story and it has held me captive for the beginning. You've tied up all the loose ends nicely and I love where you have taken it. This feels like a perfect ending. Is it? You don't say it is the last chapter.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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This is a beautiful story and it has held me captive for the beginning. You've tied up all the loose ends nicely and I love where you have taken it. This feels like a perfect ending. Is it? You don't say it is the last chapter.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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No Beth. It actually in my thinking might be an ending to Part 1 of say a 2 part novel. But it is about half way through. The pair will face their greatest trial to come!
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Great, I'm looking forward to what will happen next.
Beth
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
Wow... you confused me for a moment. The way you ended this post made me think you had finished the novel for a moment. But no - that's just a scripture offering for the moment, right? I might suggest having one of the characters consider it rather than just popping it in there --?
Notes:
1.) It's always been about you. You brought me back to life. You('ve) given me a second chance."
2.) Tears pressed against my eyes until they simmered inside."
--> no quote mark at the end
Thanks, friend!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Stan,
Wow... you confused me for a moment. The way you ended this post made me think you had finished the novel for a moment. But no - that's just a scripture offering for the moment, right? I might suggest having one of the characters consider it rather than just popping it in there --?
Notes:
1.) It's always been about you. You brought me back to life. You('ve) given me a second chance."
2.) Tears pressed against my eyes until they simmered inside."
--> no quote mark at the end
Thanks, friend!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Thanks, Robyn. Actually, I've thought of this as the ending of part 1 of a 2 part novel. So it is a half way mark. The pair will face their greatest trial to come.
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That makes sense - maybe add some kind of a note?
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or the end of part one?
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For sure, thanks.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Rats, I just realized I was out of sixes. I think this is well-done. I like this line: I clung to his words, as if they kept me from falling into a bottomless well. And also: My heart pecked like a trapped bird. I would only suggesting changing a word near the end; instead of 'firm warmth of another man' just say 'firm warmth of a man' because she hasn't been with another man since being married, if I have read up to this point correctly. Oh, and I think there is an extra quotation mark that is not needed after 'until they simmered inside' above that.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Rats, I just realized I was out of sixes. I think this is well-done. I like this line: I clung to his words, as if they kept me from falling into a bottomless well. And also: My heart pecked like a trapped bird. I would only suggesting changing a word near the end; instead of 'firm warmth of another man' just say 'firm warmth of a man' because she hasn't been with another man since being married, if I have read up to this point correctly. Oh, and I think there is an extra quotation mark that is not needed after 'until they simmered inside' above that.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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No worries, Crystie. I'm just blessed to have your in-depth input.