The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Beyond The Blue"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
12 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is very strong writing. I think you did a good job creating a scene where Jane feels pressure to present Emily/White Cloud with the truth. I guess this is where the book's title comes in. I only noticed very minuscule fixes:
knowing her child had no more life in him than a ragdoll.
Just put a space between rag and doll
soul stirring silence,
I would put a hyphen between soul and stirring
There may have been a couple more tiny things. Enjoyed reading this!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2020
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This is very strong writing. I think you did a good job creating a scene where Jane feels pressure to present Emily/White Cloud with the truth. I guess this is where the book's title comes in. I only noticed very minuscule fixes:
knowing her child had no more life in him than a ragdoll.
Just put a space between rag and doll
soul stirring silence,
I would put a hyphen between soul and stirring
There may have been a couple more tiny things. Enjoyed reading this!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2020
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Thanks again, Crystie!
Comment from Mastery
Hi Stan. another good chapter, my friend. I believe you are handling a sensitive subject quite well so far.
Fine imagery here: "It was then the wind stirred through the branches and flirted with the leaves. The mother snapped from her trance, as if a demon departed."
And here: We rode on for hours, sore in the saddle, and blistered by the sun. But before the sun melted over the horizon we caught a glimpse of the McCord ranch with a few sandhills and bluffs between us."
Suggestion:
Correct this: "There was gulf silence between us as we moved east against the rising sun." S/be "There was A gulf of silence between us.. . .. etc."
:) Bob
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
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Hi Stan. another good chapter, my friend. I believe you are handling a sensitive subject quite well so far.
Fine imagery here: "It was then the wind stirred through the branches and flirted with the leaves. The mother snapped from her trance, as if a demon departed."
And here: We rode on for hours, sore in the saddle, and blistered by the sun. But before the sun melted over the horizon we caught a glimpse of the McCord ranch with a few sandhills and bluffs between us."
Suggestion:
Correct this: "There was gulf silence between us as we moved east against the rising sun." S/be "There was A gulf of silence between us.. . .. etc."
:) Bob
Comment Written 17-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Bob. It's so cool pulling out sentences or phrases that to a reader/reviewer are memorable. I think I started doing it because of your lead from way back when.
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Thanks, Stan. Good writing. : ) Bob
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Aww. Thanks Stan. I appreciate that comment very mu h, that you would remember that. LOL : ) Bob
Comment from Sally Law
A fine chapter for your book. Thank you for honoring life in this. How refreshing. Life was very different back then and many children didn't make it for one reason or another. My grandparents lost many children to miscarriage and stillborn delivery.
Sending you my best today as always, and six stars.
Sally xo
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
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A fine chapter for your book. Thank you for honoring life in this. How refreshing. Life was very different back then and many children didn't make it for one reason or another. My grandparents lost many children to miscarriage and stillborn delivery.
Sending you my best today as always, and six stars.
Sally xo
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
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Thanks again, Sally. You have helped renew my interest in fanstory for your reviews and your writing. Stan
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
This is an excellent chapter with some very intense and sensitive narrative and dialogue. The loss of the child was so much more prevalent in times past.
A very interesting part of the chapter was the funeral service and her confronting the loss of her son. This is well written with details that stir emotions.
Robert
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Hello Stan.
This is an excellent chapter with some very intense and sensitive narrative and dialogue. The loss of the child was so much more prevalent in times past.
A very interesting part of the chapter was the funeral service and her confronting the loss of her son. This is well written with details that stir emotions.
Robert
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thanks again, Robert. Having you on fanstory for your writing and reviewing has helped revived my desire to keep posting. Blessings...
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Hello Stan. I am truly humbled by your words. I thank you for those comments.
Robert
Comment from zanya
Atmosphere well evoked where human emotion, raw in its manifestation and Nature meet and compliment each other - connection with Nature portrayed like a silken thread - an enjoyable read
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Atmosphere well evoked where human emotion, raw in its manifestation and Nature meet and compliment each other - connection with Nature portrayed like a silken thread - an enjoyable read
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thanks for mentioning how it worked with nature and the comparison to silken thread. So appreciate and covet your words.
Comment from Mistydawn
That poor woman going through all she did and losing her son too. Hopefully, Jane can help her work through some of her pain. God knows she's had her share. Your story is well-written, interesting, believable start to finish. The last part, the burial brought tears to my eyes. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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That poor woman going through all she did and losing her son too. Hopefully, Jane can help her work through some of her pain. God knows she's had her share. Your story is well-written, interesting, believable start to finish. The last part, the burial brought tears to my eyes. Nicely done.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thanks again for the golden cross, Misty.
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It was well deserving.
Comment from BethShelby
This is beautifully written. It is sad the captive girl who had been with the Indians had to come to terms with the death of her child. Hopefully life will go better for her now that she is with people of her race. I've enjoyed this chapter and look forward to more.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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This is beautifully written. It is sad the captive girl who had been with the Indians had to come to terms with the death of her child. Hopefully life will go better for her now that she is with people of her race. I've enjoyed this chapter and look forward to more.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thanks again for the golden cross, Beth
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is another wonderful chapter. Enjoyed it tremendously.
Typos:
Some of the men circled me. They pried on me with their eyes. Their silence spooked me. I knew what they wanted. They wanted my help separating the child and her (his)mother.
Redhawk opened the bundle and further examined the baby in the light of day. "I suspect this child was born too soon." As I looked in with him, I noticed now how shriveled he was, a premature birth in a harsh wilderness."(wilderness.)
Thad took his hatchet to a hickory shrub and fashioned a cruel cross from two limbs. As we departed, Emily looked back one last time where her son was buried and no doubt (left) a piece of her heart.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2020
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This is another wonderful chapter. Enjoyed it tremendously.
Typos:
Some of the men circled me. They pried on me with their eyes. Their silence spooked me. I knew what they wanted. They wanted my help separating the child and her (his)mother.
Redhawk opened the bundle and further examined the baby in the light of day. "I suspect this child was born too soon." As I looked in with him, I noticed now how shriveled he was, a premature birth in a harsh wilderness."(wilderness.)
Thad took his hatchet to a hickory shrub and fashioned a cruel cross from two limbs. As we departed, Emily looked back one last time where her son was buried and no doubt (left) a piece of her heart.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2020
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Thanks so much Rebecca. I saved it so I could mark down those fixes. Stan
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Glad to help.
Comment from Alaskastory
"Beyond The Blue" is an inspiring chapter. The drama was well detailed and progressed well.
However I didn't understand this: "I brought water from my skin and......."
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2020
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"Beyond The Blue" is an inspiring chapter. The drama was well detailed and progressed well.
However I didn't understand this: "I brought water from my skin and......."
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2020
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I made some changes to that paragraph, and I think it helped smooth things out. As always, I need those editing helps. Amen.
Comment from equestrik
The harshness of life in the west is well portrayed here and included a grieving mother, a woman who takes on the task of telling her, her baby is dead, and the responsibility of Thad and the men. Heart breaking-nice job.
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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2020
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The harshness of life in the west is well portrayed here and included a grieving mother, a woman who takes on the task of telling her, her baby is dead, and the responsibility of Thad and the men. Heart breaking-nice job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2020
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Thanks so much. It means much to me that you mention harsh times and the tough choices folks had. So appreciated.