Within the Bone
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Return"A tale of love, magic, and revenge.
4 total reviews
Comment from Ben B.
I think you've got a system set up. Dialogue is strong and natural. Characterization has clearly been developed and your names are memorable. Except for Sjaligr I have no idea how to pronounce that. What's most important is that you've developed a sense of culture in their land. Keeping that consistent will be tricky in a lengthy book but I'm sure you can do it.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
  |
I think you've got a system set up. Dialogue is strong and natural. Characterization has clearly been developed and your names are memorable. Except for Sjaligr I have no idea how to pronounce that. What's most important is that you've developed a sense of culture in their land. Keeping that consistent will be tricky in a lengthy book but I'm sure you can do it.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
-
Thank you very much for reviewing! I appreciate it. Consistency will definitely be interesting to maintain.
Comment from AJ McCall
Wow. So Mara has a cure? What kind of cure? I hate how her father and brother treats her... puts you more on her side again. But this... I can't wait to read the next chapter! I'm taking notes!! :)
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2020
|
Wow. So Mara has a cure? What kind of cure? I hate how her father and brother treats her... puts you more on her side again. But this... I can't wait to read the next chapter! I'm taking notes!! :)
Comment Written 08-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2020
-
Thanks for reviewing! Her father and brother definitely have their problems. I'm looking forward to writing more of them.
-
:)
Comment from H. Darwin Reeves
Dropped in on this chapter and found it an interesting read. Easy to follow, good dialogue, well-crafted characters. I enjoyed your descriptions of surroundings, buildings and people. You pulled the reader along until the end and left wondering about the next event. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2020
|
Dropped in on this chapter and found it an interesting read. Easy to follow, good dialogue, well-crafted characters. I enjoyed your descriptions of surroundings, buildings and people. You pulled the reader along until the end and left wondering about the next event. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2020
-
Thank you very much for reviewing. I really appreciate it!
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Good job on this story! I believe the characters interact well together and this story is well written as well;-) The storyline is creative and interesting as well as well thought out;-)
My suggestion is that you use single spacing instead of double spacing because single is easier to read and follow!
Thank you for sharing;-) Blessings ;-)
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2020
 |
Good job on this story! I believe the characters interact well together and this story is well written as well;-) The storyline is creative and interesting as well as well thought out;-)
My suggestion is that you use single spacing instead of double spacing because single is easier to read and follow!
Thank you for sharing;-) Blessings ;-)
Comment Written 08-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2020
-
Thank you very much for the review! I'll have to take a look at the formatting. Still getting used to Fanstory, so I'm not always sure how it will render the text I put in.
