Love Long Distance
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Dreams Come True - Chapter 31"A Wartime Romance
19 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
So glad that the babies are getting better each day and getting stronger. And another surprise....spending sometime at home. Congratulations on your published book!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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So glad that the babies are getting better each day and getting stronger. And another surprise....spending sometime at home. Congratulations on your published book!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Hi Rosemary. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. Also, thank you for the continued support and congratulations. Yay! Wishing you a wonderful weekend. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, surprises are always good things, but the having to wait to get them is even hard on us old people. LOL. Thanks for sharing another find chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Well, surprises are always good things, but the having to wait to get them is even hard on us old people. LOL. Thanks for sharing another find chapter.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi Ric, Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. We're glad you are following along. Chapter 32 will be posted soon. We're happy to announce that this book was published a few days ago. The advertisement for it is on FanStory now. We couldn't have done it without all the encouragement and support. Much appreciated! Wishing you all the best. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from abnerdwight
This seems to be a build up to a great family saga and a volume of epics, and maybe spin-offs. Great potential.
Whilst reading, I kept checking the time line of the story because the dialogue kept me in the 1800s. The dialogue seems to elaborate for men in war, roughed up by the tropics. Consider adding (military and civilian) slang and contractions. Natural dialogue does not give perfectly constructed sentences and long winded replies (see the conversation in the plane and the phone to grandpa after), there are grunts, gestures, one worded replies, and run-offs. But grandpa might be a chatty sort, so I don't know.
You can delete the adverbs, the scene that you build will tell us how they do. The word "exclaimed" was used twice, I think we can do without these as well. The scene that you build before the interaction will tell us how they do it.
'"Whippersnapper..' Is also used, is it because our Commando's a country boy? It's cute, but it jolted me out of the scene.
I understand that you put Patrick Kennedy in there for context of the times that they're living in, but is there a better way to write it in?
You have a good skeleton of a plot and something potentially big to build up on. I advise on reworking this and doing major operations on the dialogue parts.
Build the scenes in the movie of your mind and tell us about the scuffed shoes and that undone stitch on Colonel Rose's shoes. What did it feel like leaving the humid air of Vietnam ending up in the crisp cold air of Tennessee. Is Billy feeling the jet-lag of this awful flight or is he just plain worried.
You see, I couldn't feel what the man is feeling. His daughter is in an incubator, and I couldn't tap into him.
Also, does everybody call everybody a Hero?
Best Wishes and Good Luck.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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This seems to be a build up to a great family saga and a volume of epics, and maybe spin-offs. Great potential.
Whilst reading, I kept checking the time line of the story because the dialogue kept me in the 1800s. The dialogue seems to elaborate for men in war, roughed up by the tropics. Consider adding (military and civilian) slang and contractions. Natural dialogue does not give perfectly constructed sentences and long winded replies (see the conversation in the plane and the phone to grandpa after), there are grunts, gestures, one worded replies, and run-offs. But grandpa might be a chatty sort, so I don't know.
You can delete the adverbs, the scene that you build will tell us how they do. The word "exclaimed" was used twice, I think we can do without these as well. The scene that you build before the interaction will tell us how they do it.
'"Whippersnapper..' Is also used, is it because our Commando's a country boy? It's cute, but it jolted me out of the scene.
I understand that you put Patrick Kennedy in there for context of the times that they're living in, but is there a better way to write it in?
You have a good skeleton of a plot and something potentially big to build up on. I advise on reworking this and doing major operations on the dialogue parts.
Build the scenes in the movie of your mind and tell us about the scuffed shoes and that undone stitch on Colonel Rose's shoes. What did it feel like leaving the humid air of Vietnam ending up in the crisp cold air of Tennessee. Is Billy feeling the jet-lag of this awful flight or is he just plain worried.
You see, I couldn't feel what the man is feeling. His daughter is in an incubator, and I couldn't tap into him.
Also, does everybody call everybody a Hero?
Best Wishes and Good Luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi abnerdwight, Thanks for stopping by to read and review this chapter. If you had followed it for a while, we think you'd understand it better and the characters would be familiar to you. In any case, we respect and appreciate your comments/suggestions. Chapter 32 will be posted soon. We've just published this book and advertisement for it is on this site. Wishing you all the best. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
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Thank You for reading me out.
Good Luck and Best Wishes on your work.
Comment from Ulla
Hi there to both of you. This is a great chapter and I'm praying that little Angel will survive. It's a great story and very well written. I'm so glad that you are at the brink of publishing. Good luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi there to both of you. This is a great chapter and I'm praying that little Angel will survive. It's a great story and very well written. I'm so glad that you are at the brink of publishing. Good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 30-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi Ulla. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. We're glad you enjoyed it. Chapter 32 will be posted soon. We want to also thank you for your continued support and encouragement. It's exciting to announce that Love Long Distance was published just a few days ago. HURRAH! Lots of work this past month. We are thrilled with the results! It is currently being advertised here. Wishing you all the best. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Teri7
This is a really good chapter you two have penned. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I always enjoy reading your work. Thank you for sharing. I can't wait to see more. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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This is a really good chapter you two have penned. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I always enjoy reading your work. Thank you for sharing. I can't wait to see more. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi Teri,
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Thinking of you and hoping all is better there. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. Your continued support means so much to us. Chapter 32 will be posted soon. We're happy to announce that this book was published a few days ago. HURRAH! Lots of work blending it all together, but now it's even better! It's being advertised on FanStory now. Wishing you all the best. Take care. Love and Blessings.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from roof35
This is an engaging story. Your story is well written and I enjoyed your "Smoky Mountain" comments. You did leave a cliffhanger which will get this reader back. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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This is an engaging story. Your story is well written and I enjoyed your "Smoky Mountain" comments. You did leave a cliffhanger which will get this reader back. Nicely done.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi roof35. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. We are glad you enjoyed it! The next chapter will be posted soon. We're happy to announce that we published the book just a few days ago! It is being advertised on FanStory now. What a feeling! Wishing you all the best. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from damommy
I'm happy that Bill was able to return home even if the circumstances were difficult. This is written well with good dialog and pacing. I remember the baby in the video and story. That was a sad time for the Kennedy family. The ending left me eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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I'm happy that Bill was able to return home even if the circumstances were difficult. This is written well with good dialog and pacing. I remember the baby in the video and story. That was a sad time for the Kennedy family. The ending left me eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi Yvonne. Your continued support means so much to both of us. Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. We're glad you enjoyed it and are looking forward to the next chapter. We will post it soon. We're happy to announce that Love Long Distance was published a few days ago. HURRAH! There's an advertisment for it on FanStory now. Wishing you all the best. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
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Congratulations!
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Thank you so much! Very exciting and rewarding. Many hours of work putting all the chapters together to flow right. Thrilled with the results! We couldn't have succeeded without all the support here! <3
Comment from laMont Flanagan
The chapter provides an insight into the joys ,sorrows and misfortunes in life.The authors adeptly establish a juxtaposition between their premature baby on the precipice of death and the baby of President John Kennedy,Patrick Bouvier Kennedy.The chapter corrals the reader's interest by invoking their empathy and curiosity.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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The chapter provides an insight into the joys ,sorrows and misfortunes in life.The authors adeptly establish a juxtaposition between their premature baby on the precipice of death and the baby of President John Kennedy,Patrick Bouvier Kennedy.The chapter corrals the reader's interest by invoking their empathy and curiosity.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi laMont, Thanks so much for stopping by to read and review this chapter. We really appreciate the great comments! Chapter 32 will be posted in the near future. We're happy to announce that Love Long Distance was published just a few days ago! HURRAH! Wishing you all the best. Take care and God bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from karenina
OH! Well this chapter as about as full of worry, excitement, joy and anticipation as any that have come before! Reminds me there's many a kind of life's "battles" we are faced with...not all in a combat zone...
"Angel" was the perfect name chosen--and interweaving the Kennedy grief which was all too true. Thank goodness I saved a six! Another exciting and perfect chapter...I'm already anxious for the next!--Karenina
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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OH! Well this chapter as about as full of worry, excitement, joy and anticipation as any that have come before! Reminds me there's many a kind of life's "battles" we are faced with...not all in a combat zone...
"Angel" was the perfect name chosen--and interweaving the Kennedy grief which was all too true. Thank goodness I saved a six! Another exciting and perfect chapter...I'm already anxious for the next!--Karenina
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi Karenina, Thank you SO MUCH for the AWESOME six star rating and review. HURRAH! We both "SALUTE" you! Chapter 32 will be posted in the near future. Love Long Distance is now published. Very exciting! Wishing you all the best. Take care and God Bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
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Listen--you two have earned every single six I've sent your way! Congrats on your success!--Karenina
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a terrible place to stop! Is Bill going to be promoted? Hmm. I'll have to wait and see. It's good to know Angel is improving each day, she has God on her side that's for sure. This was a lovely chapter, you two, the emotions, the worry, the love, all there. I thought the names were perfect. Well done, another wonderful addition to your story. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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What a terrible place to stop! Is Bill going to be promoted? Hmm. I'll have to wait and see. It's good to know Angel is improving each day, she has God on her side that's for sure. This was a lovely chapter, you two, the emotions, the worry, the love, all there. I thought the names were perfect. Well done, another wonderful addition to your story. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Hi Sandra, Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this chapter. Also, for your continued encouragement and support. We will post the next chapter soon. Love Long Distance is now published. HURRAH! Very exciting! Many of those who've been following along will find we put a lot of work into the final manuscript. Wishing you all the best. Take care and God Bless.
Respectfully with Admiration,
Bill & Cathy
