Back from the Past
It's not just us who cannot leave well enough alone...15 total reviews
Comment from AJ McCall
Wait so the human was the beast in this story? His eight eyes... it sounds like a spider lol. It was interesting. I liked the way you described the police cars arriving to the scene.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2020
  |
Wait so the human was the beast in this story? His eight eyes... it sounds like a spider lol. It was interesting. I liked the way you described the police cars arriving to the scene.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2020
-
Yeah, we are the monters in this one. It was much more clear-ct in my head. Didn't quite get it where I wanted it, but a second next to my older sister isn't a bad loss. :)
Thanks for the review,
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
A beautiful story dear Deb! What a suspense! Oh, how I feel for those officers, I could feel the fear in their voices. As always, you have written well.
You may want to look at these: "but now ... He'd seen it with his own eyes." the "H" in "He'd" should be lower case.
In: their tires shrieking against wet pavement. an "a", "the" before "wet" or "pavements" replacing "pavement" will be better replacements.
In: Why?"Who was first officer on the scene?" You may want to add a backspace after the first question mark. Again, a "the" before "first" would really help the reader for emphasis purposes.
In: "a sergeant at the boss,'" "boss's" would be a better replacement for "boss."
My best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
A beautiful story dear Deb! What a suspense! Oh, how I feel for those officers, I could feel the fear in their voices. As always, you have written well.
You may want to look at these: "but now ... He'd seen it with his own eyes." the "H" in "He'd" should be lower case.
In: their tires shrieking against wet pavement. an "a", "the" before "wet" or "pavements" replacing "pavement" will be better replacements.
In: Why?"Who was first officer on the scene?" You may want to add a backspace after the first question mark. Again, a "the" before "first" would really help the reader for emphasis purposes.
In: "a sergeant at the boss,'" "boss's" would be a better replacement for "boss."
My best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
I'll head over and fix those. ThANK you. My sister beat me out in this, but her story was SOOOO much better I can't even be upset. (Well, maybe a little upset. lol)
Thanks for all,
Belssings,
Deb
Comment from Ulla
Hi Debora, I enjoyed this story which had the tongue firmly placed in the cheek. I can so understand that you enjoyed writing this. It's a very good entry and a good one. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
|
Hi Debora, I enjoyed this story which had the tongue firmly placed in the cheek. I can so understand that you enjoyed writing this. It's a very good entry and a good one. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
-
Thank you, Ulla! It was fun ? kind of an nod to the old, cheesy sci-fi movies of the 50s and 60s. :) Thought I might have a winner ? right up 'til I read my sister's post. Crazy how we still are competitive with each other! lol. Ah, well ? It was fun and that's what's important.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This kind of tongue-in-cheek comedy would be lengthened into a good, low-budget show. We could almost see what the characters would look like with your vivid descriptions. I thoroughly enjoyed your wordplay. I could go on but this is enough for now. I am voting for this one.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
|
This kind of tongue-in-cheek comedy would be lengthened into a good, low-budget show. We could almost see what the characters would look like with your vivid descriptions. I thoroughly enjoyed your wordplay. I could go on but this is enough for now. I am voting for this one.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
-
OMGosh, I was thinking 'B-movie' the WHOLE time I was writing this! lol. I do appreciate your review and encouragement. It was fun to conceptualize and write. :)
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from Patty Palmer
Well, I have to admit that your story kept my interest from the first word until the last! Your words are very descriptive making the scenes come to life allowing me to "watch" the story. Good luck with the contest!
Patty
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
|
Well, I have to admit that your story kept my interest from the first word until the last! Your words are very descriptive making the scenes come to life allowing me to "watch" the story. Good luck with the contest!
Patty
Comment Written 11-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
-
Thanks, Patty! Appreciat your review.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a perfect entry for The Thing contest. It strikes fear into the hearts of any breathing human. It is death personified. Great entry. Good luck!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
|
This is a perfect entry for The Thing contest. It strikes fear into the hearts of any breathing human. It is death personified. Great entry. Good luck!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
-
Thanks, Rebecca! Appreciate your review.
Blessings,
Deb
-
You're very welcome.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Very subtle and horrifying this story about the thing. Very well written and in the parameters of the contest.Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
|
Very subtle and horrifying this story about the thing. Very well written and in the parameters of the contest.Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2020
-
You, Too, Iza!
Thanks! Appreciate your review.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
I thought your names were very unusual - but I read your notes and now I appreciate them more. I think you did a great job with the prompt and hope you do well in the contest! You might want to read this in regular review mode and check out the white highlighting in several places.
"An officer nereby screamed in terror." (nearby)
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
|
I thought your names were very unusual - but I read your notes and now I appreciate them more. I think you did a great job with the prompt and hope you do well in the contest! You might want to read this in regular review mode and check out the white highlighting in several places.
"An officer nereby screamed in terror." (nearby)
Comment Written 10-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
-
Thank you! You caught an error that no one saw. I appreciate your sharp eye and kind words. :)
blessings and hugs,
Deb
Comment from sherrygreywolf
SWEET! Love this nifty little horror tale with the unexpected twist at the end. I did see one thing that I think you need to correct right quick - when you said "the best stood, roaring its fury." Didn't you mean to say "beast"? Other than that, it looks very good! Super job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
|
SWEET! Love this nifty little horror tale with the unexpected twist at the end. I did see one thing that I think you need to correct right quick - when you said "the best stood, roaring its fury." Didn't you mean to say "beast"? Other than that, it looks very good! Super job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
-
Augh! Thanks, sis!
Deb
Comment from richie b
Debora,
Your story combines your creative skills and
cleverness to make this a very good story.
You led the reader down a path of growing
suspense and anticipation. Using the prehistorical
monster as a metaphor for the virus is brilliant.
Your sharp dialogue carries your story and adds
spice to your plot. Thank you for sharing.
Peace,
Richie b
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
|
Debora,
Your story combines your creative skills and
cleverness to make this a very good story.
You led the reader down a path of growing
suspense and anticipation. Using the prehistorical
monster as a metaphor for the virus is brilliant.
Your sharp dialogue carries your story and adds
spice to your plot. Thank you for sharing.
Peace,
Richie b
Comment Written 10-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
-
IRchie B, thank you for reading! I appreciate your comments. :)
Blessings,
Deb
