Fog Walk
A walk in the fog can change perception of the world.4 total reviews
Comment from DeboraDyess
LOvely poe and a perfect picture to illustrate your words. It does make an impressionist type world, doesn't it! Hadn't thought of it quite like that before. Beautifully done and a great contest entry!
Blessings, peace and health,
Deb
reply by the author on 01-May-2020
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LOvely poe and a perfect picture to illustrate your words. It does make an impressionist type world, doesn't it! Hadn't thought of it quite like that before. Beautifully done and a great contest entry!
Blessings, peace and health,
Deb
Comment Written 01-May-2020
reply by the author on 01-May-2020
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Thank you for the read, the comments and the blessing.
Comment from RodG
I really like the premise of your poem, but there are some syntax mistakes that can be easily corrected and I'd advise stronger verbs than two participles. In lines 1 & 2 it seems the mist is doing the walking. My suggestion:
While I walk in fog
a mist forms on my glasses
Great closing line!
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2020
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I really like the premise of your poem, but there are some syntax mistakes that can be easily corrected and I'd advise stronger verbs than two participles. In lines 1 & 2 it seems the mist is doing the walking. My suggestion:
While I walk in fog
a mist forms on my glasses
Great closing line!
Comment Written 28-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the help. I have incorporated your suggestion. Much appreciated.
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I am glad I could help. I added astar to my rating. Rod
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Thank you, sir. Always appreciate your insight.
Comment from Susan X Smith
The wonderful picture drew me right into this short Haiku poem. It is an excellent contest entry. I especially liked the last line and the atmosphere you set in this piece.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2020
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The wonderful picture drew me right into this short Haiku poem. It is an excellent contest entry. I especially liked the last line and the atmosphere you set in this piece.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the read and the review.
Comment from susand3022
Hello Author, I like where you're going with this poem, but it's not quite a haiku yet. It's still more of a Senryu. I'm going to send you a cut/paste of the haiku rules that were sent to me when I got here by one of the good poets here... I can't remember which one. But I copied them and kept them and pass them on whenever I can.
Please pay special attention to The difference between a Senryu and a Haiku and the Title. After that, you should be all set. :)
Good luck in the contest! :)
A Haiku is a Japanese poem that is written in three lines. It has a short/long/short format and contains 17 or fewer syllables. They are usually known to be 5-7-5 but don't need to be, as long as they follow the short/long/short format.
It deals with nature's world, not the human one, and will contain a seasonal word or reference.
The second line should serve as a Satori line, transitioning you from the first line to the third line epiphany.
The title is always written the same way: haiku(first words or line of the poem) this one is, haiku(spring rains fall)
There are never any capitals or punctuation in haiku unless absolutely necessary... (proper nouns, apostrophes... things like that)
They should focus on a brief moment in time, use colorful images and leave one with a sense of enlightenment or illumination.
(no... they aren't asking much... I don't usually hit all the markers though it's fun to try!)
haiku(spring rains fall)
spring rains fall
grass grows greener
new life blooms
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2020
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Hello Author, I like where you're going with this poem, but it's not quite a haiku yet. It's still more of a Senryu. I'm going to send you a cut/paste of the haiku rules that were sent to me when I got here by one of the good poets here... I can't remember which one. But I copied them and kept them and pass them on whenever I can.
Please pay special attention to The difference between a Senryu and a Haiku and the Title. After that, you should be all set. :)
Good luck in the contest! :)
A Haiku is a Japanese poem that is written in three lines. It has a short/long/short format and contains 17 or fewer syllables. They are usually known to be 5-7-5 but don't need to be, as long as they follow the short/long/short format.
It deals with nature's world, not the human one, and will contain a seasonal word or reference.
The second line should serve as a Satori line, transitioning you from the first line to the third line epiphany.
The title is always written the same way: haiku(first words or line of the poem) this one is, haiku(spring rains fall)
There are never any capitals or punctuation in haiku unless absolutely necessary... (proper nouns, apostrophes... things like that)
They should focus on a brief moment in time, use colorful images and leave one with a sense of enlightenment or illumination.
(no... they aren't asking much... I don't usually hit all the markers though it's fun to try!)
haiku(spring rains fall)
spring rains fall
grass grows greener
new life blooms
Comment Written 28-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for the help. I have copies out the rules.