Assassin Nation
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Seeking Information"A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen
16 total reviews
Comment from Anya Trofimova
This piece is very enjoyable and engaging! The characters that you bring to life in this scene are complex and dynamic. You are masterfully able to weave in moments of humour and comic relief such as 'He smiled at the implied suggestion that the plane was a relic and possibly not safe to fly.' In the fight scene that you describe the short sentences really contribute to the building tension and action. I would possibly just recommend changing 'A piece of metal trimming was grabbed and broken off by the woman and became a makeshift knife.' to the active form 'The woman grabbed a piece of metal trimming...' to add to the drama. The variety of different verbs that you use: 'dove', 'seized', 'landed', 'spun', etc. pile together to create the overall drama in this scene and keeps the action fresh and exciting. Well done on this write!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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This piece is very enjoyable and engaging! The characters that you bring to life in this scene are complex and dynamic. You are masterfully able to weave in moments of humour and comic relief such as 'He smiled at the implied suggestion that the plane was a relic and possibly not safe to fly.' In the fight scene that you describe the short sentences really contribute to the building tension and action. I would possibly just recommend changing 'A piece of metal trimming was grabbed and broken off by the woman and became a makeshift knife.' to the active form 'The woman grabbed a piece of metal trimming...' to add to the drama. The variety of different verbs that you use: 'dove', 'seized', 'landed', 'spun', etc. pile together to create the overall drama in this scene and keeps the action fresh and exciting. Well done on this write!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Anya
Comment from Bill Pinder
There is a lot of interesting intrigue going on in this chapter. That is definitely a unique relationship between mother and daughter. An unexpected twist Was her voluntarily kneeling before him during the encounter.
Bill
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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There is a lot of interesting intrigue going on in this chapter. That is definitely a unique relationship between mother and daughter. An unexpected twist Was her voluntarily kneeling before him during the encounter.
Bill
Comment Written 16-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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A better description for her kneeling would be her slow recovery from being essentially knocked out. Thanks for reviewing, Bill. Bill
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Although I've kindof lost track of this one with school and other, I was just curious why you decided to post this one as poetry...? Is it because it's a back story and not part of the book...? Either way, well written, Bill -- you have a very creative mind!! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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Although I've kindof lost track of this one with school and other, I was just curious why you decided to post this one as poetry...? Is it because it's a back story and not part of the book...? Either way, well written, Bill -- you have a very creative mind!! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 15-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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I have no answer for why it is identified as poetry. I added it to the existed book as usual. All other chapters read fiction. The world may never know.
Comment from Ross E Silke
You have the voice of an author and it flows well. The characters are well developed and there's a coherent sequence of events . I like the name Red Appleton--good character naming. I like the climax and struggle with the knife episode to create suspense. There's lots to digest in this and to keep entertained.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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You have the voice of an author and it flows well. The characters are well developed and there's a coherent sequence of events . I like the name Red Appleton--good character naming. I like the climax and struggle with the knife episode to create suspense. There's lots to digest in this and to keep entertained.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Ross, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Seeking Information
by Bill Schott
Hello, Bill,
You did a great job with this chapter. A good topic and excellent characters development. Nice picture.
Stay safe stay home save lives.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Seeking Information
by Bill Schott
Hello, Bill,
You did a great job with this chapter. A good topic and excellent characters development. Nice picture.
Stay safe stay home save lives.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Thanks, GBR
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, I will say that this is a fast moving piece of prose that has a somewhat unexpected ending. I don't know whether the bit where she sends the flight on a downward trajectory and then have a prolonged fight is quite believable. The plane would have gone into a dangerous stall which would have been next to impossible to recuperate. A forward stall can be more dangerous than a nose up stall.
Why not make them both desperately grabbing for the controls while they're fighting. They only have a minute or so. Just a suggestion.
Not sure why you've posted this under poetry?
Love the story and looking out for more. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Hi Bill, I will say that this is a fast moving piece of prose that has a somewhat unexpected ending. I don't know whether the bit where she sends the flight on a downward trajectory and then have a prolonged fight is quite believable. The plane would have gone into a dangerous stall which would have been next to impossible to recuperate. A forward stall can be more dangerous than a nose up stall.
Why not make them both desperately grabbing for the controls while they're fighting. They only have a minute or so. Just a suggestion.
Not sure why you've posted this under poetry?
Love the story and looking out for more. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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I?ve never heard of a plane stalling in a dive, as this is a way to recover from a stall. I paced the fight as taking fifteen seconds. Diving from 10000 feet would bring a plane that size to the ground in thirty seconds. Hardly even exciting, but possible, according to me. Thank you for keeping me honest, Ulla.
The site is screwy as to the chapter identified as poetry. I ADDED a chapter as usual, and all other chapters are properly identified.
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Oh, yes, a dive stall is extreemly dangerous. If not recovered in time the plane goes into a spin and that's it. :))
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Fortunately, as often happens in fiction, the best circumstances of a bad situation were realized.
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very true!
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written, interesting action-packed, suspenseful chapter start to finish. Your dialogue seems realistic and your characters come to life. I had to laugh at the ending. All this going on and her mother calls, too funny. Great job.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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This is a very well-written, interesting action-packed, suspenseful chapter start to finish. Your dialogue seems realistic and your characters come to life. I had to laugh at the ending. All this going on and her mother calls, too funny. Great job.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Thank you, MD, for the encouraging review. Bill
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Bill, you have so many people in this story that can, and do murder, without compunction, that I am having a hard time finding a "Good Guy" that I can make my hero. ( Every Novel NEEDS a hero who STANDS for truth, justice and fair play.
I am also not sure if this action takes place before or after Dr, Woo is killed. (I read that episode some time ago.)
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2020
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Dear Bill, you have so many people in this story that can, and do murder, without compunction, that I am having a hard time finding a "Good Guy" that I can make my hero. ( Every Novel NEEDS a hero who STANDS for truth, justice and fair play.
I am also not sure if this action takes place before or after Dr, Woo is killed. (I read that episode some time ago.)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2020
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This is present day and Dr. Wu has recently been killed. There may be one character who appears at some point to be the lesser of all evils. This is my view of this story?s world. Manuel Kontroz is currently the closest thing to a hero here.
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I have only the lesser of evils to pick from! Oh whoa is me
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What an interesting chapter. I have not seen your work before so to understand the story, I have to go back and begin reading. So far it is exciting!
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2020
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What an interesting chapter. I have not seen your work before so to understand the story, I have to go back and begin reading. So far it is exciting!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2020
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Thank you, TT, for giving this a look.
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My pleasure.
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hi Bill, this is a good read and nicely written. Are you posting it as a poem to get around the fact that poets are reviewed so much more than prose or script writers?? Good idea if you did.
This held my attention and your characters dialogue was easy to understand and moved the story along very well.
The only thing I noticed is the word hangar? Is that how you spell it for an aeroplane hangar. I'm not sure, so just thought I would bring that to your attention.
Thanks for sharing your writing and best of luck, cheers, Eve.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2020
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Hi Bill, this is a good read and nicely written. Are you posting it as a poem to get around the fact that poets are reviewed so much more than prose or script writers?? Good idea if you did.
This held my attention and your characters dialogue was easy to understand and moved the story along very well.
The only thing I noticed is the word hangar? Is that how you spell it for an aeroplane hangar. I'm not sure, so just thought I would bring that to your attention.
Thanks for sharing your writing and best of luck, cheers, Eve.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2020
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It says poetry, but everything else is registered as fiction. Site error. Hangar is spelled correctly. A hanger is for clothing. Thank you for giving this a look.
