Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Threads of Life"Musings of an old man -2020
42 total reviews
Comment from rjuselius
This is a brilliant piece of poetry dear jlr! I think you have managed successfully to convey your philosophy of life. Bravo!
Thank you for sharing!
Good luck!
Blessings and a larger than life hug!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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This is a brilliant piece of poetry dear jlr! I think you have managed successfully to convey your philosophy of life. Bravo!
Thank you for sharing!
Good luck!
Blessings and a larger than life hug!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Rebekka, as always I appreciate your validations
Comment from Sugarray77
J... you have done such a good job in crafting this verse. I enjoyed reading the progression from birth to later years with the highlights well described and believable. So well done.. I wish you luck.
Melissa
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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J... you have done such a good job in crafting this verse. I enjoyed reading the progression from birth to later years with the highlights well described and believable. So well done.. I wish you luck.
Melissa
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Melissa, thank you as always for the validation.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork, JLR.
-Your note is appreciated.
-I enjoyed reading your
poem very much.
-It flowed well and was
very interesting with good description.
-I like how you go through the
various stages in life, from your
own birth to that of your children,
and then their children.
-Effective imagery and rhyme, as well.
-The concluding verse is very good, too.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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-Nice artwork, JLR.
-Your note is appreciated.
-I enjoyed reading your
poem very much.
-It flowed well and was
very interesting with good description.
-I like how you go through the
various stages in life, from your
own birth to that of your children,
and then their children.
-Effective imagery and rhyme, as well.
-The concluding verse is very good, too.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Pam, as always, thank you!
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You are very welcome, JLR.
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. A solid poem for this writing prompt.
I like the way the lines on the stanzas get longer and fuller. It's like watching the writer's mind flesh out the idea, bringing it bigger and growing into life.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Hello. A solid poem for this writing prompt.
I like the way the lines on the stanzas get longer and fuller. It's like watching the writer's mind flesh out the idea, bringing it bigger and growing into life.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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Thank you
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I loved the line about being more loved when you cried as a toddler. I never thought about it like that but you do have point. Of course they are loved on, but when they are hurt or sick, man it's laid on thick then. Great job.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I loved the line about being more loved when you cried as a toddler. I never thought about it like that but you do have point. Of course they are loved on, but when they are hurt or sick, man it's laid on thick then. Great job.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I thank you!
Comment from Lil' Mormon Boy
I particularly like this piece, because it is my life to a tee. You laid out the life of a typical upbringing only to begin a new cycle of life.
Well done.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I particularly like this piece, because it is my life to a tee. You laid out the life of a typical upbringing only to begin a new cycle of life.
Well done.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2020
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I thank you for the validation
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Threads of Life, certainly finds space for many of the events and challenges we experience in these separate eras of living. I feel you have found the bulk of our trials and successes that lead finally to our look-back position now.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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This poem, Threads of Life, certainly finds space for many of the events and challenges we experience in these separate eras of living. I feel you have found the bulk of our trials and successes that lead finally to our look-back position now.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Bill thank you for your validation through your comments.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a delightful poem that falls in the contest requirements. However, most extremely elderly people I have studied reach a point where they feel that they have outlived their joy and usefulness. Thus, this poem seems unfinished to me, lacking the sting in the tail.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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This is a delightful poem that falls in the contest requirements. However, most extremely elderly people I have studied reach a point where they feel that they have outlived their joy and usefulness. Thus, this poem seems unfinished to me, lacking the sting in the tail.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Katherine it may well be that the writer is in the early stages of retirement and feels as though the last half of life is just beginning, thus not yet feeling the sting of the scorpions tail just yet.
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of course. It was just a thought to push you onto the rails of completing, as you seem to be covering the whole of life
Comment from Mark Valentine
I love that your biography, as all biographies do, starts in the "primordial cosmos". It firmly establishes that this will be a commentary, not only on one life, but on human existence in general. The stages you describe are stages that most of us go through (I'm at the empty nest phase - unfortunately retirement is still a ways off).
"We are loved more when we cry" - what a great insight on the origins of compassion. Mostly, your poem points out (for me, at least) that the meaning of life consists of finding meaning in the dating and working and diaper changing and mortgage paying and the hundreds of other things that we spend our time doing (hopefully with someone we love).
Loved it - it gets my last six.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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I love that your biography, as all biographies do, starts in the "primordial cosmos". It firmly establishes that this will be a commentary, not only on one life, but on human existence in general. The stages you describe are stages that most of us go through (I'm at the empty nest phase - unfortunately retirement is still a ways off).
"We are loved more when we cry" - what a great insight on the origins of compassion. Mostly, your poem points out (for me, at least) that the meaning of life consists of finding meaning in the dating and working and diaper changing and mortgage paying and the hundreds of other things that we spend our time doing (hopefully with someone we love).
Loved it - it gets my last six.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Mark, I am truly grateful for your validation and comments. Your six-star review is the capstone to this poetic verse.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. There was a lot of stuff here! And I had a chance to do quite a bit of thinking as I read. When I got to the end and saw that you were saying you had no regrets or sorrows, I thought - CONGRATS - that is a wonderful achievement. I hope I may be able to say the same... though, at age 57, I'm afraid I may have already blown it. hahaha
I do have a couple of comments to make for you below - things that may improve your poem - though you certainly may not agree. *smile*
And I didn't really get what your philosophy for life was, which is what this particular contest call for. I understood what you were saying you and your wife have DONE in yours and I definitely commend you. I have been through a lot of what you're talking about. And it's hard. Those teenage years 'bout killed me. *smile*
AND watching my kids parent THEIR kids is hard at times, too. Keeping my mouth shut isn't always easy for me - as you see in this review.
Anyway - I don't see what you are recommending -- like what you suggest for others... what your philosophy is. Do you see what I mean? You're intimating a few things YOU'VE learned... but... I'm not sure that meets the criteria.
Either way - here are some other notes:
1.) we learned we are loved more when we cry,
--> we learned we are (attended) more when we cry,
2.) As more years came, more years (went) by.
3.) The college scene (brought) people to toast
--> the end of the poem makes it appear it's an elderly couple speaking - so all this stuff they are reflecting on would be in the past tense, wouldn't it? (If so, I would suggest changing the verbs/etc throughout the poem to past tense?) Another ex:
*
The college scene (brought) people to toast
As young lasses and lads bring on love and doom
Until we (found) the one who, we just (knew), we (would) love most.
We dated and lived large, (even), as a bride and groom.
*
See what I mean? Then it's even more obviously YOUR story. (Ha - you are WELCOME to disagree. Lots of people disagree with me.)
4.) watching, hearing, surviving the terrible two's (questions) why,
--> no need for the apostrophe
5.) as the teenager(s') woes begin to churn and make them and us cry.
--> 'cause it appears you are speaking of multiple teens
That's it. Hope this helps (and does not offend.)
Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. There was a lot of stuff here! And I had a chance to do quite a bit of thinking as I read. When I got to the end and saw that you were saying you had no regrets or sorrows, I thought - CONGRATS - that is a wonderful achievement. I hope I may be able to say the same... though, at age 57, I'm afraid I may have already blown it. hahaha
I do have a couple of comments to make for you below - things that may improve your poem - though you certainly may not agree. *smile*
And I didn't really get what your philosophy for life was, which is what this particular contest call for. I understood what you were saying you and your wife have DONE in yours and I definitely commend you. I have been through a lot of what you're talking about. And it's hard. Those teenage years 'bout killed me. *smile*
AND watching my kids parent THEIR kids is hard at times, too. Keeping my mouth shut isn't always easy for me - as you see in this review.
Anyway - I don't see what you are recommending -- like what you suggest for others... what your philosophy is. Do you see what I mean? You're intimating a few things YOU'VE learned... but... I'm not sure that meets the criteria.
Either way - here are some other notes:
1.) we learned we are loved more when we cry,
--> we learned we are (attended) more when we cry,
2.) As more years came, more years (went) by.
3.) The college scene (brought) people to toast
--> the end of the poem makes it appear it's an elderly couple speaking - so all this stuff they are reflecting on would be in the past tense, wouldn't it? (If so, I would suggest changing the verbs/etc throughout the poem to past tense?) Another ex:
*
The college scene (brought) people to toast
As young lasses and lads bring on love and doom
Until we (found) the one who, we just (knew), we (would) love most.
We dated and lived large, (even), as a bride and groom.
*
See what I mean? Then it's even more obviously YOUR story. (Ha - you are WELCOME to disagree. Lots of people disagree with me.)
4.) watching, hearing, surviving the terrible two's (questions) why,
--> no need for the apostrophe
5.) as the teenager(s') woes begin to churn and make them and us cry.
--> 'cause it appears you are speaking of multiple teens
That's it. Hope this helps (and does not offend.)
Good luck!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2020
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As always Robyn, you are spot on for most of your suggestions, I am never offended....just thankful for wise council.
