The Wishing Stone
One last wish17 total reviews
Comment from Bucketlist
A distinct shift in the takent stream! To be honest, I think your story
Writing should be shared with us more frequently . I am bad at reviewing long posts, but you outdid yourself in my view, this time.
Happy 2020 cheers 'n hugs
Trisha
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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A distinct shift in the takent stream! To be honest, I think your story
Writing should be shared with us more frequently . I am bad at reviewing long posts, but you outdid yourself in my view, this time.
Happy 2020 cheers 'n hugs
Trisha
Comment Written 01-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
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Hi Trisha, Thanks so much and I was thrilled to receive a second place by the committee for my story. I shall try to write more as I really enjoyed this one and so pleased with this result. Thanks for your lovely encouraging review Have a great 2020 Cheers and hugs Chris
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Hi Trisha, Thanks so much and I was thrilled to receive a second place by the committee for my story. I shall try to write more as I really enjoyed this one and so pleased with this result. Thanks for your lovely encouraging review Have a great 2020 Cheers and hugs Chris
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Congratulations - I know a good piece when I read it, you are welcome, hugs happy new year
Comment from susand3022
Hi Christine, I really enjoyed your Christmas story. A true Christmas Wish. It was so sad though to find out that he died on Christmas night. :( -or is it just that he had to repeat the way he died, no matter when it was?
The fact that the family didn't remark on it was a bit strange... but it's a story, so we're going with the flow... ;)
The one thing I will mention is where you say where she lived... a little grammar problem:
...(the) small rural town of Bramford..." or "a small rural town (called) Bramford... but you can't say "(a) small rural town (of) Bramford.
I'm afraid if I try to play the comma game right now I'll lead you astray, so I'm not going to try. lol
I found this to be a really sweet story, reminded me a little of the stone that Harry Potter had at the end, that could call the dead back from the other side. For the day, she was happy... they were all happy. :)
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2019
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Hi Christine, I really enjoyed your Christmas story. A true Christmas Wish. It was so sad though to find out that he died on Christmas night. :( -or is it just that he had to repeat the way he died, no matter when it was?
The fact that the family didn't remark on it was a bit strange... but it's a story, so we're going with the flow... ;)
The one thing I will mention is where you say where she lived... a little grammar problem:
...(the) small rural town of Bramford..." or "a small rural town (called) Bramford... but you can't say "(a) small rural town (of) Bramford.
I'm afraid if I try to play the comma game right now I'll lead you astray, so I'm not going to try. lol
I found this to be a really sweet story, reminded me a little of the stone that Harry Potter had at the end, that could call the dead back from the other side. For the day, she was happy... they were all happy. :)
Comment Written 29-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2019
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Hi Susan Thanks so much and ai will fix that grammar mistake re Bramford My made up town and yes I wanted Jack to just go after the one day and let the reader make up their minds as to what happened too him. he didn't die on Christmas night, not intention anyway but I wanted him to leave then. Appreciate your review and help Cheers Christine
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This was slice-of-life a story with details and action that felt true-to-life. Neat how Joan found the wishing stone and having Jack back for one day after eight years having passed away. I think I would put a word here: . Peter did his apprenticeship as a diesel mechanic and very handy with a car.
I would insert the word 'was' in front of 'very handy with a car.'
With this line:
A noise in the room disturbed her thought and she opened her eyes "Hello love," Jack said as he stood in the kitchen dressed in his favourite jumper and grey coloured trousers.
I would put in some commas and other punctuation thus:
A noise in the room disturbed her thought, and she opened her eyes. "Hello, love," Jack said as he stood in the kitchen, dressed in his favourite jumper and grey-coloured trousers.
There were some other places that could use extra punctuation well, but those were what I saw close to the top.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2019
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This was slice-of-life a story with details and action that felt true-to-life. Neat how Joan found the wishing stone and having Jack back for one day after eight years having passed away. I think I would put a word here: . Peter did his apprenticeship as a diesel mechanic and very handy with a car.
I would insert the word 'was' in front of 'very handy with a car.'
With this line:
A noise in the room disturbed her thought and she opened her eyes "Hello love," Jack said as he stood in the kitchen dressed in his favourite jumper and grey coloured trousers.
I would put in some commas and other punctuation thus:
A noise in the room disturbed her thought, and she opened her eyes. "Hello, love," Jack said as he stood in the kitchen, dressed in his favourite jumper and grey-coloured trousers.
There were some other places that could use extra punctuation well, but those were what I saw close to the top.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2019
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Hi CrystieCookie999 Thanks so kich for your review and suggestions I have changed both so appreciate your help Other needed bit at the moment I have left it Have madecquite a few changes according to FS advice. Cheers Chris
Comment from aryr
Very well done Christine, good luck in the contest. This was indeed a great story with delightful little twists and turns. It was great that Joan found the wishing stone and that Jack returned for her one day. I think this gave her the closure she needed.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Very well done Christine, good luck in the contest. This was indeed a great story with delightful little twists and turns. It was great that Joan found the wishing stone and that Jack returned for her one day. I think this gave her the closure she needed.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Hi Ary Thank you, very much for reading my story I thought I would try to do one and this story just seemd to come to mecso herecgoes LOL I may try more stories in 2020 and really appreciate your lovely support. zhope you had a great Christmas. Cheers Chrisxx
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It was great Christine, you are so welcome. Happy New Years to all.
Comment from Therese Caron
I love the story but I kept dreading the moment he was going to leave. That means that you wrote a very good story. We have all lost family members, and we all know that Christmas is one of the hardest days, because when someone is gone, even just one person, the traditions change a little. Or they stay the same and there's a big gap where the person used to be.This is a beautifully written story.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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I love the story but I kept dreading the moment he was going to leave. That means that you wrote a very good story. We have all lost family members, and we all know that Christmas is one of the hardest days, because when someone is gone, even just one person, the traditions change a little. Or they stay the same and there's a big gap where the person used to be.This is a beautifully written story.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Hi Theresa, Thank you so very much for your lovely review it really heartened me to think you thought it beautifully written, I have re edited it as sometimes I struggle with punctuation, however your words have given me more confidence in my writing .Thanks you and "Merry Christmas" Cheers Christine
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I need to be more careful when reviewing. Grammar and punctuation are my very strong points. But if I really like what I am reading, I do not even notice punctuation errors. I probably would still noticed grammatical errors, but punctuation flies right by me because it?s unimportant to me in the middle of a good story.
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Thanks Teresa , yes I am the same If I like a story I never notice the punctuation either although only if a spelling stands out. Much appreciation for your comments. Cheers Christine
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Christine. I enjoyed your story that brought Joan's hubby, Jack, back for one more day. Isn't that what we all wish when we lose someone dear? So overall, for the story, you receive 5 stars from me.
There are two areas that need work, though:
1) How come no one mentioned the missing Jack was there?
2) There are many incorrect punctuation points throughout the story, especially when using quotation marks. Also suggest separating paragraphs in which a different speaker makes a comment.
Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Hi Christine. I enjoyed your story that brought Joan's hubby, Jack, back for one more day. Isn't that what we all wish when we lose someone dear? So overall, for the story, you receive 5 stars from me.
There are two areas that need work, though:
1) How come no one mentioned the missing Jack was there?
2) There are many incorrect punctuation points throughout the story, especially when using quotation marks. Also suggest separating paragraphs in which a different speaker makes a comment.
Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Hi Marilyn Thanks you very much for reading my story. I do at times struggle with punctuation and have done several edits and will get a professional to look over it for me I will improve LOL. I wanted this to be Joans wish as if she had brought back Jack 8 years earlier so therefore no one would know any different except for Joan that is why I didnt go into the saga of explaining Jacks return to anyone. Maybe I will expand on this story and do so later on Bit will leave it as is for the contest. Have no hope of doing any good with the committee anyway and they will pick up all the mistakes still I enjoyed having a go and may write a few more stories ( plus do a course in writing to correct my mistakes ) I have split up the sentences so it is less bulky to read. I never know if
I need talking marks if someone thinks ?
Hang in there Ha Ha Hope you had a lovely Christmas Cheers Chrisxx
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Hi Christine. No quotes for thinking. I usually put those in italics. Punctuation marks go within the quote marks, separated by commas--like...
She said, "Where is the dog?"
"I let him out," he said smiling, "but I'll let him back in now."
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a touching and well told entry for the Christmas Story contest.
Very nicely done.
I wish you the best of luck with the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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I think this is a touching and well told entry for the Christmas Story contest.
Very nicely done.
I wish you the best of luck with the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Hi Sharon Many thanks for reading and reviewing my story and I do appreciate your best of luck for the contest Merry Christmas Cheers Christine
Comment from Gloria ....
Yay! Congratulations to you Chris for posting your first story. In my opinion a writer always stretches their craft and you have done a fine job of it and for that reason I am not focusing on proofreading or edits, but just the heart of your story.
I love your motif and the characterizations and backstory are well-developed. The wishing stone demonstrates the true character of Joan, as she could have wished for much more, but being generous and thoughtful she did not.
Merry Christmas to you on the other side of the planet. I hope to see many more stories coming from your quarter. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Yay! Congratulations to you Chris for posting your first story. In my opinion a writer always stretches their craft and you have done a fine job of it and for that reason I am not focusing on proofreading or edits, but just the heart of your story.
I love your motif and the characterizations and backstory are well-developed. The wishing stone demonstrates the true character of Joan, as she could have wished for much more, but being generous and thoughtful she did not.
Merry Christmas to you on the other side of the planet. I hope to see many more stories coming from your quarter. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2019
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Oh my dear Gloria Thank you so much for yoir generous stars I tried to make this story believable and written as ai would expect Joan to be and the characters jist came oit along with the story line. I know there will be heaps of mistakes I do struggle with punctuation etc at times and probably put commas and full stops, talking marks all in the wrong places. I will get better and yes I will write more stories so bare with me. I will also do a writers course ,so I will upskill my grammar etc. Never to old, Hell I was 50 when I did a Masters degree Ha Ha. That was a Masters in Education Adult Vocation and Training not English LOL.
Merry Christmas to you also and I hope you had a great day
My husband and me Or should I say I like the Queen Ha Ha are now camping up at a river in 40 degree heat I love the hot weather and have my bikini top on .
Cheers And once again I really appreciate this lovely review Chrisxxx hugs too
Comment from lyenochka
Congratulations, Christine, for writing a sweet story that is magical and relate-able! I think it's longer than most short story posts but I could relate to Joan's desire to see her husband one more time. I wondered why she didn't wish he never died. I also wondered how he looked. Did he age the 8 years along with her? And why didn't the kids not question the unusual event of him being alive again. I guess that was part of the magic.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!!
"in her girlfriend's eyes" (girlfriends') seems like you meant the plural so the possessive form should have the apostrophe after the s.
" four fourty five" (four forty-five)
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
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Congratulations, Christine, for writing a sweet story that is magical and relate-able! I think it's longer than most short story posts but I could relate to Joan's desire to see her husband one more time. I wondered why she didn't wish he never died. I also wondered how he looked. Did he age the 8 years along with her? And why didn't the kids not question the unusual event of him being alive again. I guess that was part of the magic.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!!
"in her girlfriend's eyes" (girlfriends') seems like you meant the plural so the possessive form should have the apostrophe after the s.
" four fourty five" (four forty-five)
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2019
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Hi Helen Thanks for your review and suggestions have corrected the mistakes LOL .I wrote is as it came to me no real planning about the story so I just wanted it to be as it came out of my mind therefore no real detail I had a great Chritmas with my son and his wife We are enjoying the break and lovely warm weather here at the moment. All the best to you Merry Christmas cheers chris xx
Comment from RShipp
I really enjoyed your story. I was at a loss to figure out how you were going to end to magical happening. Well done!!
Your ending was far more creative than the 'waking from a dream' themes.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2019
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I really enjoyed your story. I was at a loss to figure out how you were going to end to magical happening. Well done!!
Your ending was far more creative than the 'waking from a dream' themes.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my story. This just seemed to come to me over the past few days so I thought I would write it down and hopefully the ending fitted the story Much appreciation for your comments Cheers and Merry Christmas Christine