Assassin Nation
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Clean Up"A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen
10 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a well written chapter, but does have me lost as to what is going on as I haven't read what came before. Best wishes with your story, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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This is a well written chapter, but does have me lost as to what is going on as I haven't read what came before. Best wishes with your story, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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Thanks, Debbie. If you go back two chapters to BEFORE THE NEXT CHAPTER, I summarize the first story and the first five chapters of this one.
Happy day.
Comment from nomi338
My respect for your ability to keep it all together is growing by leaps and bounds. The crosses, double, triple and quadruple going on in this story has my head literally swimming. I no longer who to become attached to. Good work.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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My respect for your ability to keep it all together is growing by leaps and bounds. The crosses, double, triple and quadruple going on in this story has my head literally swimming. I no longer who to become attached to. Good work.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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Thank you, nomi. I?m going into flashback mode to open a few windows.
Comment from brenda faye curtis
I am so happy to see Baker finally reappear! And I knew Connor had to be alive. This is starting to feel like the first novel, and I welcome that. I'm still rooting for Baker! :)
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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I am so happy to see Baker finally reappear! And I knew Connor had to be alive. This is starting to feel like the first novel, and I welcome that. I'm still rooting for Baker! :)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
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Thank you, Brenda.
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You're welcome, Bill.
Comment from Gloria ....
I really enjoy your face-paced writing. Not a word slips in as the action moves from scene to gory scene with great precision and an understated wit.
I guess the next chapter will explain it all.
Excellent.
Gloria
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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I really enjoy your face-paced writing. Not a word slips in as the action moves from scene to gory scene with great precision and an understated wit.
I guess the next chapter will explain it all.
Excellent.
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Thanks, Gloria
Comment from lyenochka
Yay! Baker is back on the scene! It's dangerous to be on either side of whoever is on the White House, especially Anthax Sam. Looking forward to see if Baker can get rid of Caca Connor.
"A pop, as a gourd erupting" (I had trouble imagining a gourd erupting, or even popping. )
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Yay! Baker is back on the scene! It's dangerous to be on either side of whoever is on the White House, especially Anthax Sam. Looking forward to see if Baker can get rid of Caca Connor.
"A pop, as a gourd erupting" (I had trouble imagining a gourd erupting, or even popping. )
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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I changed the sound. Thanks for reviewing and the nickname for sweet Samantha.
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A "mushy thud" is something I can imagine.
Comment from Earl Corp
Glad to see you're back to writing chapters for Assassin Nation. I'm just as surprised that Connor is alive as yout characters are. I thought GI Joe took care of him in Baker's Dozen. Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Glad to see you're back to writing chapters for Assassin Nation. I'm just as surprised that Connor is alive as yout characters are. I thought GI Joe took care of him in Baker's Dozen. Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Thanks, Earl
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This feels like an able combination of action and dialogue, where you are never sure what will happen next. It feels like Baker is a sniper-style assassin on a good day. Wondering if you are a Mission Impossible fan. I think this is a personal preference, because I like personalized action, but with the sentence "The remaining body dropped straight to the ground." I think I would say, "Deere's body dropped straight to the ground." Otherwise it sounds like more of the head was lost than just a quarter, which is bloody enough.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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This feels like an able combination of action and dialogue, where you are never sure what will happen next. It feels like Baker is a sniper-style assassin on a good day. Wondering if you are a Mission Impossible fan. I think this is a personal preference, because I like personalized action, but with the sentence "The remaining body dropped straight to the ground." I think I would say, "Deere's body dropped straight to the ground." Otherwise it sounds like more of the head was lost than just a quarter, which is bloody enough.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Thanks, CC, for the help.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is truly action passed with not a form of suspense being left out. it's well written and easy to follow since it progresses in a clear and logical manner. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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This is truly action passed with not a form of suspense being left out. it's well written and easy to follow since it progresses in a clear and logical manner. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Thanks, MA
Comment from JLR
Great graphic that explains the immediate scene. Strong character development and I must say for the first time I type selection and font size were the best of class reading on my iPad. Good success with your work.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Great graphic that explains the immediate scene. Strong character development and I must say for the first time I type selection and font size were the best of class reading on my iPad. Good success with your work.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Thanks, JLR
Comment from robyn corum
Bill,
Sounds like a political piece with intrigue and too much machinery - blah, blah. As you can tell, I don't follow these kinds of tales - so you may not see too much of me in the future. I do know that there's lots of folks who love these sorts of stories though.
It seemed to be well done. I only noticed a couple of things - though they were rather big - hahaha! (#2, specifically)
Notes:
1.) He held both nine millimeters in front of him, one precariously in a swollen and aching grasp, prepared to kill whatever moved.
--> come on, Bill, you said his wrist was SNAPPED.
2.) "Do you recognize this fellow, Ryan?"
--> he's talking to RYAN? The one who's head parts just went flying? (Same question for the opening of the next paragraph...)
Thanks - enjoyed!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Bill,
Sounds like a political piece with intrigue and too much machinery - blah, blah. As you can tell, I don't follow these kinds of tales - so you may not see too much of me in the future. I do know that there's lots of folks who love these sorts of stories though.
It seemed to be well done. I only noticed a couple of things - though they were rather big - hahaha! (#2, specifically)
Notes:
1.) He held both nine millimeters in front of him, one precariously in a swollen and aching grasp, prepared to kill whatever moved.
--> come on, Bill, you said his wrist was SNAPPED.
2.) "Do you recognize this fellow, Ryan?"
--> he's talking to RYAN? The one who's head parts just went flying? (Same question for the opening of the next paragraph...)
Thanks - enjoyed!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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You can actually hold things in your hand with a snapped wrist, but there wouldn?t be any trigger pulling for sure. I give Johnson high marks for endurance.
Wow! Yes, indeed. Deere would not be at all interested in Connor?s query as he was totally deceased. I was tempted to have Johnson correct him and tell him he wasn?t Deere, but, since he was dying at the end of the chapter, I just named him correctly. Thanks for showing me that huge error.
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Yup. So glad to help!
