Assassin Nation
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Assorted Sordid "A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen
11 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I thought she was supposed to be kept alive! Doesn't seem like they all get the same messages. This is really awful, I am wondering what is going on in the White House?? Who is this Samantha that has so much control? She kills the President, albeit unknowingly, then she does some awful things to Johnson, not a nice lady, unless she is being controlled by something in her brain? Another excellent part. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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I thought she was supposed to be kept alive! Doesn't seem like they all get the same messages. This is really awful, I am wondering what is going on in the White House?? Who is this Samantha that has so much control? She kills the President, albeit unknowingly, then she does some awful things to Johnson, not a nice lady, unless she is being controlled by something in her brain? Another excellent part. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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I am developing these characters to be almost totally unreadable as to their next move. Control is the overriding concept.
Comment from kahpot
Well I must be honest, I found this chapter a bit confusing, we have established who's who regarding chain of command yet it goes from name to position thus frustrating the reader (me) example the third last paragraph "of the speaker of the house's final move...." when we know Rupp is him, and Manny is introduced as Kondroz in the cast of characters, then it resorts to Kontroz again, again maybe just me ****kahpot
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
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Well I must be honest, I found this chapter a bit confusing, we have established who's who regarding chain of command yet it goes from name to position thus frustrating the reader (me) example the third last paragraph "of the speaker of the house's final move...." when we know Rupp is him, and Manny is introduced as Kondroz in the cast of characters, then it resorts to Kontroz again, again maybe just me ****kahpot
Comment Written 27-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
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I spelled Kontroz wrong once in the cast list, then kept moving it from chapter to chapter. Fixed it. The other piece with Rupp is just assuming too much from the reader. I?ll rephrase it. Thanks.
Comment from brenda faye curtis
The story is engaging, as always, but I am a little confused about why Phil Learp is being targeted. I may be having trouble keeping up with all the inter-relationships between characters, but this event has me stumped.
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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The story is engaging, as always, but I am a little confused about why Phil Learp is being targeted. I may be having trouble keeping up with all the inter-relationships between characters, but this event has me stumped.
Comment Written 26-May-2019
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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The new President is thinning out the people at the top and will guide his own associates into these key positions.
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I see. That's a good plan!
Comment from nomi338
Man oh man, you are on one today. Kill them all I say. It is probably a very good thing that is is a story and actually happening in our government at this time. I daresay that many who aspire to a career in politics would quickly develop different aspirations if faced with a future like the one you are writing about.
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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Man oh man, you are on one today. Kill them all I say. It is probably a very good thing that is is a story and actually happening in our government at this time. I daresay that many who aspire to a career in politics would quickly develop different aspirations if faced with a future like the one you are writing about.
Comment Written 26-May-2019
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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Things will pick up now.
Comment from Gloria ....
This moves along at a rapid rate, Bill and many thanks for the acronym explanations or I would've been totally lost.
I'm still relatively new to this story, but the characters and plot are developing well.
Much enjoyed.
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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This moves along at a rapid rate, Bill and many thanks for the acronym explanations or I would've been totally lost.
I'm still relatively new to this story, but the characters and plot are developing well.
Much enjoyed.
Gloria
Comment Written 25-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Thanks, Gloria
Comment from royowen
You write these action series really well Bil. It sets up an imagery of the dead generally not meaning very much, but in a James Bond movie that is pretty well what it's all about, with the odd compliant beauty around. Well Bill, this is my first time. Not terribly familiar with the storyline, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : esco(u)rted
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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You write these action series really well Bil. It sets up an imagery of the dead generally not meaning very much, but in a James Bond movie that is pretty well what it's all about, with the odd compliant beauty around. Well Bill, this is my first time. Not terribly familiar with the storyline, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : esco(u)rted
Comment Written 25-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Thank you, Roy.
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Welcome Bill
Comment from lyenochka
Boy, that Samantha character is one to watch out for. I'm guessing that the female that was killed at the end was the almost dead body that was sent via plane?
The Manuel character reminds me of the Samuel L. Jackson character in Pulp Fiction with his odd Scripture quotes.
"organize whover is there" (whoever)
" Cabinet Affairs Under Secreatary with" (Secretary)
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Boy, that Samantha character is one to watch out for. I'm guessing that the female that was killed at the end was the almost dead body that was sent via plane?
The Manuel character reminds me of the Samuel L. Jackson character in Pulp Fiction with his odd Scripture quotes.
"organize whover is there" (whoever)
" Cabinet Affairs Under Secreatary with" (Secretary)
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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I swear I repaired those spellings already. I?m establishing a messiah complex for Manuel and building Sam up as a restrained sociopath.
Comment from Earl Corp
This one is starting out slower than Baker's Dozen, I guess putting in a lot of background makes the story stretch out a bit. Butt pack? Now that's old school. Can't wait for the next installment.
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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This one is starting out slower than Baker's Dozen, I guess putting in a lot of background makes the story stretch out a bit. Butt pack? Now that's old school. Can't wait for the next installment.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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I?ve found that purposeful people use gear that suits theirs needs even if it?s odd.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Bill, I'm glad you put the meanings for the abbreviations down below... it was really helpful in bringing the end together, at least for me! I expect that's not something you made up? ;) This whole secret spy thing is a little confusing... I'm not really sure what the point of everything is yet, besides some kind of power struggle.
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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Hi Bill, I'm glad you put the meanings for the abbreviations down below... it was really helpful in bringing the end together, at least for me! I expect that's not something you made up? ;) This whole secret spy thing is a little confusing... I'm not really sure what the point of everything is yet, besides some kind of power struggle.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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The story before this one, Baker's Dozen, was about the Chief of Staff running what looked like a 'Most Deadly Game' scenario for the President's enemies, and it turned out to be an assassin training area. At the end, all characters seem to have been killed. This story happens immediately afterwards. There is definitely no one to be trusted here.
Comment from C T Curtis
Excellent writing; wonderful reading - I enjoyed it! There's a lot going on in the story. You used good descriptive words without overdoing it. Seems like cross and double-cross at the forefront. On the picky level, you might want to add an "e" to "whover" in the 'stood there waiting for whover to be dumped there' paragraph. I'm not sure a comma is needed right after the 'butt pack' words. I'm somewhat prone to looking at stuff like that. Good job; well written.
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reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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Excellent writing; wonderful reading - I enjoyed it! There's a lot going on in the story. You used good descriptive words without overdoing it. Seems like cross and double-cross at the forefront. On the picky level, you might want to add an "e" to "whover" in the 'stood there waiting for whover to be dumped there' paragraph. I'm not sure a comma is needed right after the 'butt pack' words. I'm somewhat prone to looking at stuff like that. Good job; well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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I checked the whoever spelling and it's correct. I may have fixed it while you were reviewing. The comma has to stay since it's preceding an inserted adjective phrase.
Thank you for finding these and telling me. Happy day.
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Thank you for explaining!
