to darkness
3-6-9 Contest14 total reviews
Comment from DeborahWrite
Dear KIWISTEVEH,
Your poem and photograph were well matched. Its solemn content was beautiful and clearly written. It felt as though I entered a world--both beautiful and dark.
My best,
Deborah
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Dear KIWISTEVEH,
Your poem and photograph were well matched. Its solemn content was beautiful and clearly written. It felt as though I entered a world--both beautiful and dark.
My best,
Deborah
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Hi, Deborah. Welcome to FanStory. I hope you like it here.
Yes, this one was a little on the gloomy side, wasn't it. There are plenty of the other sort in my portfolio if you ever feel like visiting!
Hope to catch some of your work soon.
Steve
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Thank you for your welcome, kiwisteveh, I look forward to reading your writing and I appreciate you mentioned reading mine. Deborah
Comment from dragonpoet
The scene in the artwork is so austere and grey just like the words of the poem. Loneliness can be as grey inside as the weather is outside sometimes. Well done. Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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The scene in the artwork is so austere and grey just like the words of the poem. Loneliness can be as grey inside as the weather is outside sometimes. Well done. Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Joan. This was fairly gloomy, but it does reflect the everday life of some people.
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve. Sadly, it is true of some people's lives. Hopefully that can change.
~Joan
Comment from LisaMay
To me, this is a post-funeral poem. The loneliness and loss are palpable. The speeches have all been made, extolling the virtues of the deceased with solemn words, ashes to ashes dealt to... now one is left to face the darkness alone. The only note of positivity in the stark imagery is the honest river and the birds watching - they may sing again.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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To me, this is a post-funeral poem. The loneliness and loss are palpable. The speeches have all been made, extolling the virtues of the deceased with solemn words, ashes to ashes dealt to... now one is left to face the darkness alone. The only note of positivity in the stark imagery is the honest river and the birds watching - they may sing again.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Lisa. Strangely, I had not given this any definite context in my mind, but you are right, it could easily be, as you say, a post-funeral poem and I can easily link it to something like the grief of my mother-in-law after her husband of many years passed away.
Sometimes a poem springs from nothing and so it was with this. I don't think even the birds offer hope - it's just a bleak little piece.
Steve
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Well that's just me then... a soppy optimist.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your 3-6-9 series embedded in the matching, dark background of the artwork. Your description of the "ashen sun" falling from the sky and the "gods of loneliness and loss" was quite compelling. Best wishes in the contest and enjoy the remains of the Sunday holiday- Joan
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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I admired your 3-6-9 series embedded in the matching, dark background of the artwork. Your description of the "ashen sun" falling from the sky and the "gods of loneliness and loss" was quite compelling. Best wishes in the contest and enjoy the remains of the Sunday holiday- Joan
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Joan. Not exactly a cheerful poem, was it? Not quite sure where it came from - I was not thinking about any personal loss...
Steve
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I am glad you captured these feelings, regardless of whence they came. Sighs- Joan
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a dark poem filled with sadness and loss, a very atmospheric piece and altogether a great presentation, a good entry for the contest, I wish you luck, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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This is a dark poem filled with sadness and loss, a very atmospheric piece and altogether a great presentation, a good entry for the contest, I wish you luck, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Dolly. Dark, indeed. Fortunately, not springing from any particular incident in my life, but more an attempt to conjure up what great loss must feel like.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
I'm not sure what terrible darkness you refer to, Steve--there are lots of contenders. But you certainly convey an aura of doom. Perhaps it's because my mind has been niggling at the topic lately, but this has a Spoon River message for me. The honest river and ashen sun speak to me. On the other hand, you might be welcoming your winter, though terror seems extreme for that.
Anyway, I think I can kiss this contest goodbye-bye.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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I'm not sure what terrible darkness you refer to, Steve--there are lots of contenders. But you certainly convey an aura of doom. Perhaps it's because my mind has been niggling at the topic lately, but this has a Spoon River message for me. The honest river and ashen sun speak to me. On the other hand, you might be welcoming your winter, though terror seems extreme for that.
Anyway, I think I can kiss this contest goodbye-bye.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Lee. No particular inspiration for this, or even a firm context in my mind. Someone has suggested it is a post-funeral poem...
Spoon River rings a bell, but I don't know what bell? I suspect it was mentioned in Lonesome Dove, and I see it has a poetic connection with a collection by Edgar lee masters called the Spoon River Anthology, but I don't know him or his poems. I'll have to go and look him up!
No, I don't have a dread of winter. The woodshed is full and we'll be having a rare visit from our one and only grand-daughter who lives in Melbourne with her mother who is separated from our son. Hopefully that will inspire something more cheerful than this bleak little piece!
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
Still waters and a setting sun - how we are drawn to such things to assuage our sadnesses. Great atmospherics in this. I'm still trying to decide why you chose describe the river as honest.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Still waters and a setting sun - how we are drawn to such things to assuage our sadnesses. Great atmospherics in this. I'm still trying to decide why you chose describe the river as honest.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Tony.
Not a bundle of laughs, was it? And the honest river? It just felt right in my head. Assign whatever meaning you like to it.
Steve
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Steve Found this dark and mysterious, not quite sure of the message but it was interesting to read and perhaps one makes their own mind up as to the meaning Good luck in the contest Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Hi Steve Found this dark and mysterious, not quite sure of the message but it was interesting to read and perhaps one makes their own mind up as to the meaning Good luck in the contest Cheers Christine
Comment Written 20-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Christine. Yes, I do try to leave readers to make up their own minds when I can. Actually, this one is unusual for me in that I haven't even assigned my own meaning for it!
Steve
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I found your contest entry very interesting. I've read it twice and each time I've received a different message. I find that interesting. This poem flows well and I wish it the very best with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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I found your contest entry very interesting. I've read it twice and each time I've received a different message. I find that interesting. This poem flows well and I wish it the very best with the contest.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Barbara.
yes, it's another one of my cryptic pieces! Another reviewer has suggested it is a post-funeral poem, dealing with that strong grief. That's as good a guess as any!
Steve
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and
presentation, Steve.
-The syllable count is good.
-The imagery is effective,
and the progression of
ideas and mood is good.
-I like the image of an
"honest river."
-The images get gradually
darker until the last stanza
when this person seems
to be seized by loneliness
and despair.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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-Nice image and
presentation, Steve.
-The syllable count is good.
-The imagery is effective,
and the progression of
ideas and mood is good.
-I like the image of an
"honest river."
-The images get gradually
darker until the last stanza
when this person seems
to be seized by loneliness
and despair.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Pam.
It doesn't refer to any real situation, but, yes, it does get bleaker and bleaker, doesn't it?
I'd better attempt something more cheerful next time!
Steve
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You are welcome, Steve. It does get bleaker, but I am glad it wasn't a real situation. I didn't think it was but wasn't sure. I will look forward to something more cheerful next time!