Accidental Hitchhiker
It takes one willing spirit to move another...28 total reviews
Comment from 24chas
This was a fun read, Yvette. It was perfectly paced and I wasn't sure where the story was going at first. Way to spring it at the end. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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This was a fun read, Yvette. It was perfectly paced and I wasn't sure where the story was going at first. Way to spring it at the end. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Thanx so much for stopping in on this one, Chas -- it was fun to try to 'squeeze it' into the word limit and still have it be 'eery'! :) ;) ! :) ;) Take care! :) ;) Yvette
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Trying to figure this out. I'm assuming she, too, was killed, and we're dealing with a ghost--one who needs a ride to her casket, I suppose. Am I close? I don't "get" supernatural stuff, because it doesn't have to make sense, so I am only guessing. Fun read, though. :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Trying to figure this out. I'm assuming she, too, was killed, and we're dealing with a ghost--one who needs a ride to her casket, I suppose. Am I close? I don't "get" supernatural stuff, because it doesn't have to make sense, so I am only guessing. Fun read, though. :)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thanx for taking the time on this one, Phyllis -- always appreciate hearing from you, ma'am! :) ;) Yvette
Comment from Bill Schott
This one-hundred-word flash fiction story, Accidental Hitchhiker, uses the required word count and reveals a haunting story that finds the ghost late for her own funeral. Nicely told.
Let me throw out a couple of punctuation points to debate.
"Finally!" (she) cheered. There isn't a need to capitalize 'she', as the explanation mark is part of the dialogue and captured within the quotation marks.
"Gotta tellum bye(;) ya know? These are a statement and a question which, I think, should either be displayed as two thoughts separated by a semicolon, or a statement, where 'ya know' is spoken as a point of order rather than a question. Then it would all end with a period.
I typically pass on these observations, but I appreciate folks catching my faux pas. Sometimes, when dealing with British and American English rules, both are right wherever you live.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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This one-hundred-word flash fiction story, Accidental Hitchhiker, uses the required word count and reveals a haunting story that finds the ghost late for her own funeral. Nicely told.
Let me throw out a couple of punctuation points to debate.
"Finally!" (she) cheered. There isn't a need to capitalize 'she', as the explanation mark is part of the dialogue and captured within the quotation marks.
"Gotta tellum bye(;) ya know? These are a statement and a question which, I think, should either be displayed as two thoughts separated by a semicolon, or a statement, where 'ya know' is spoken as a point of order rather than a question. Then it would all end with a period.
I typically pass on these observations, but I appreciate folks catching my faux pas. Sometimes, when dealing with British and American English rules, both are right wherever you live.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thanx so much for dropping in on this one, Sir Bill, and for the advice -- always welcome and appreciated! :) ;) You be sure to enjoy the week thinking up more Ned and Pons! :) ;) Yvette :)
Comment from Debra White
Oh...wow!! 'You' see dead people?!
What a fab story, I really enjoyed the read - I really didn't see that coming at all.
Good luck in the contest - I think this is a winner for sure.
Best wishes, Debra :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Oh...wow!! 'You' see dead people?!
What a fab story, I really enjoyed the read - I really didn't see that coming at all.
Good luck in the contest - I think this is a winner for sure.
Best wishes, Debra :)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thanx so much for dropping in on this one, Debra, and a special thanx for the vote of confidence, ma'am -- really means a lot to me! :) ;) You take good care of you and family over there and have a great week! :) ;) Yvette
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I love this! I love the title and even more, the line above the title. Very inspirational. I knew right away that you were mimicking her speech patterns. It's a shame that others might not see that. The artwork is astoundingly beautiful! I love the story, the dialogue, and the spacing between the lines is very effective. Although I guessed the outcome of the story ahead of time, I still stopped my breathing for just a moment when I read the last two lines. It gives off an eery feeling, whether it was fiction or not. Like shivers down the spine. I have heard some ghost stories, of hitchhikers who disappear, when nearing the end of a town, or a cemetery. The storytellers usually say it really happened to them. More shivers down the spine. It's a great story and you told it well. Thank you for the chills.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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I love this! I love the title and even more, the line above the title. Very inspirational. I knew right away that you were mimicking her speech patterns. It's a shame that others might not see that. The artwork is astoundingly beautiful! I love the story, the dialogue, and the spacing between the lines is very effective. Although I guessed the outcome of the story ahead of time, I still stopped my breathing for just a moment when I read the last two lines. It gives off an eery feeling, whether it was fiction or not. Like shivers down the spine. I have heard some ghost stories, of hitchhikers who disappear, when nearing the end of a town, or a cemetery. The storytellers usually say it really happened to them. More shivers down the spine. It's a great story and you told it well. Thank you for the chills.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Oh, Jesse, what a wonderful surprise to open the review registry to this morning, sir!! :) ;) You have put a much needed smile on my face.... had a 'procedure' (worked my but off all weekend to get ahead with work) this morning and am just kinda working through the 'uncomfortability' .... no biggie, but you've really cheered me! :) ;) I'm so glad you found this one 'gripping' and that it delivered the shivers I was going for .... it was something new for me and I probably should have waited for a 150-word write or something, but I wanted to give 'creepy' a try! ;) ;) LOL! Thanx for those bright stars, Jesse -- you rock!! :) Keep taking care of you -- was good to read your poem earlier! -- and I look forward to your next post! ;) ;) Have a great week! :) ;) Yvette :)
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Hi Yvette
Yes, you really have a knack for 'creepy'. I am glad I brought a needed smile on your face. I hope the procedure wasn't too painful. You most certainly deserved the six stars! Enjoy your week, as well!
Jesse
Comment from aryr
Good luck Yvette in the contest. This was fantastic and very well done in such a short space. Strange things can and do happen when we least expect it. Very enjoyable to read. I enjoyed the speech she used. Very well done.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Good luck Yvette in the contest. This was fantastic and very well done in such a short space. Strange things can and do happen when we least expect it. Very enjoyable to read. I enjoyed the speech she used. Very well done.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed this one, Ali -- it was a bit of new ground for me...I can do fantasy, but creepy is something different! :) ;) Thanx for the vote of confidence, ma'am! :) Take care! :) Yvette
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You are so welcome Yvette.
Comment from Sugarray77
Hi Yvette... you did a very good job with this 100 Flash. It does end on a spooky note with the disappearing rider. Ewww.. Dean will like this one. I like the characters with the slangy speech. Well done.
Melissa
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Hi Yvette... you did a very good job with this 100 Flash. It does end on a spooky note with the disappearing rider. Ewww.. Dean will like this one. I like the characters with the slangy speech. Well done.
Melissa
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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LOL! :) ;) I definitely don't have Dean's flair, but I thought I'd try my hand at 'creepy' -- gotta try new things once in a while, you know? :) ;) Thanx for taking the time to review it, Melissa -- I appreciate YOU! :) ;) Take care! ;) Yvette
Comment from Dean Kuch
I guess the lady at the grocery store assumed the old woman's brother Bobby was the one who had died.
As it turned out, the old woman was the victim of the tragedy.
Things that are left unsaid can have a profound impact on those who leave this earthly realm for the spirit side. It all depends on how badly the dearly departed feels it needed saying.
Good story with a supernatural twist, Yvette.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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I guess the lady at the grocery store assumed the old woman's brother Bobby was the one who had died.
As it turned out, the old woman was the victim of the tragedy.
Things that are left unsaid can have a profound impact on those who leave this earthly realm for the spirit side. It all depends on how badly the dearly departed feels it needed saying.
Good story with a supernatural twist, Yvette.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Glad you thought it sounded alright, Dean -- means a lot! :) This was a bit new for me as I usually just stick to the 'fantastic'... :) Thanx for stopping in and you have a great week ahead! :) Yvette
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My pleasure.
Comment from Bucketlist
Aw, and I thought "What a plethora of nits I can tell her about!" LOL what an eerie piece of prose for flash fiction! I enjoyed reading it ( I think) until I got to your disclaimer!
Thanks for sharing your kool entry
Hugs, Trisha
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Aw, and I thought "What a plethora of nits I can tell her about!" LOL what an eerie piece of prose for flash fiction! I enjoyed reading it ( I think) until I got to your disclaimer!
Thanks for sharing your kool entry
Hugs, Trisha
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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LOL! :) You know I put that there because I seem to get reviews on my prose where folks are correcting the 'speech pattern' words... :) :) So, I thought I would just head it off at the pass this time - LOL! :) ;) Thanx for the review and the smile, Trisha -- you're the best! :) ;) Yvette
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written creepy hundred word flash fiction about the lady who needs a lift to the funeral home from the shopping parking area, it seems she already died earlier and her soul still hangs around at the parking area.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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A very well-written creepy hundred word flash fiction about the lady who needs a lift to the funeral home from the shopping parking area, it seems she already died earlier and her soul still hangs around at the parking area.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Wow Sandra! :) You just made my evening and maybe my week!! :) ;) This was a little something I tried and wasn't sure how it would go over ...so glad you enjoyed it! :) Thank you so much for those wonderful stars! :) Have a great week ahead! :) ;)
