Ambushed
What's In A Name?13 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Almost all of this Flash Fiction is spent on background. However, this is worth it for that one marvellous last word. The illustration chosen is particularly applicable to Amber - good choice.
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Almost all of this Flash Fiction is spent on background. However, this is worth it for that one marvellous last word. The illustration chosen is particularly applicable to Amber - good choice.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2019
Comment from lyenochka
Well done in telling this little tale of good intentions that were "ambushed" in so few words. Yes, poor gal. Kids can be mean no matter our names. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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Well done in telling this little tale of good intentions that were "ambushed" in so few words. Yes, poor gal. Kids can be mean no matter our names. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to read what I wrote. - Lobber
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem shows both how beautiful unusual names can be and also how mean kid can be. It shows that parents never think about how people with odd names are picked on. I never thought of 'Amberger' though.
Wonderful piece of artwork used as illustration.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing
~dragonpoet
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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This poem shows both how beautiful unusual names can be and also how mean kid can be. It shows that parents never think about how people with odd names are picked on. I never thought of 'Amberger' though.
Wonderful piece of artwork used as illustration.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing
~dragonpoet
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Hi Bob,
Thanks for your comments. You say zero dialogue. Not sure what you mean since it is not a script. Also, you mention there?s not much color and lack of detail. Are you referring to the Greek mythology section? The whole submission had to be 100 words. But I agree with you, we all can do better. At least that?s what I always said to my students when I was teaching at university. If you want to see overkill on detail, check out my poem Wall to Wall Walls. But then it?s a complicated and multi-structural piece meant for teaching. To help the instructor I?ve supplied a Teaching Tool. The poem ends with a antimetabole (or chiasmus), an element few students ever get to see in action. As to luck regarding Ambused, you?re right since the piece came in second. I will renember your comments and aim for first next time. - Lobber
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You must of accidentally entered this reply in my box. That's ok.
Joan
Comment from Mastery
Not much color and zero dialogue in this flash job, Lobber. Perhaps if you put a little more detail in your work you would do better with flash fiction writing. Just sayin. Good luck and keep writing. Bob
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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Not much color and zero dialogue in this flash job, Lobber. Perhaps if you put a little more detail in your work you would do better with flash fiction writing. Just sayin. Good luck and keep writing. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Hi Bob,
Thanks for your comments. You say zero dialogue. Not sure what you mean since it is not a script. Also, you mention there?s not much color and lack of detail. Are you referring to the Greek mythology section? The whole submission had to be 100 words. But I agree with you, we all can do better. At least that?s what I always said to my students when I was teaching at university. If you want to see overkill on detail, check out my poem Wall to Wall Walls. But then it?s a complicated and multi-structural piece meant for teaching. To help the instructor I?ve supplied a Teaching Tool. The poem ends with a antimetabole (or chiasmus), an element few students ever get to see in action. As to luck regarding Ambused, you?re right since the piece came in second. I will renember your comments and aim for first next time. - Lobber
Comment from Rikki66
Love the tale, shows that the best of intentions can go awry. My given name is Rickey forever teachers insisted upon calling me, Richard. When in the fourth grade we read Kipling I became Rikki Tikki Tavi or just Tavi. Not being a fan of Tavi I called myself Rikki.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Love the tale, shows that the best of intentions can go awry. My given name is Rickey forever teachers insisted upon calling me, Richard. When in the fourth grade we read Kipling I became Rikki Tikki Tavi or just Tavi. Not being a fan of Tavi I called myself Rikki.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your superstars and your insight- Lobber
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Welcome.
Rikki
Comment from Gail Denham
Cute story actually - no matter what you name your child I guess, they will gain a nickname - my uncle called his sweet girl by "Sluggo" most of her life - for a long time I could not remember her real name. But we try. When we named our four boys, we felt the names were unusual. Found out "no" - there were lots with that same name.
You bring thoughts and memories to mind - good story.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Cute story actually - no matter what you name your child I guess, they will gain a nickname - my uncle called his sweet girl by "Sluggo" most of her life - for a long time I could not remember her real name. But we try. When we named our four boys, we felt the names were unusual. Found out "no" - there were lots with that same name.
You bring thoughts and memories to mind - good story.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Glad I dug up a memory... I just know you?ll like my flash story Pass the Pancakes 🥞 Please - Lobber
Comment from dozziegirl
That was very funny. You set me up in the story as I identified with the parent's search for a name. The ending was quick, a parent's worst nightmare, and so true it was funny. Humor is an art! You nailed it.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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That was very funny. You set me up in the story as I identified with the parent's search for a name. The ending was quick, a parent's worst nightmare, and so true it was funny. Humor is an art! You nailed it.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Thanks for my superstars- Lobber
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Lobber,
Ha ha ha! Good one. I love your allusion to mythology in this piece. Your poem is very well written and effectively complemented by the image. Thanks for sharing. Jan :-)
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Hi Lobber,
Ha ha ha! Good one. I love your allusion to mythology in this piece. Your poem is very well written and effectively complemented by the image. Thanks for sharing. Jan :-)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Thanks for my superstars- Lobber
Comment from 24chas
I liked this read, Lobber. It was really funny and I liked the play on Amber's name. Kids can be so cruelly funny sometimes. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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I liked this read, Lobber. It was really funny and I liked the play on Amber's name. Kids can be so cruelly funny sometimes. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the 5-pack. Glad I gave you a chuckle. You might like my 1-line poem ?The Mayor's Nude Erection Is Overdue?- Lobber
Comment from Jan Anderegg
An interesting flash fiction story. My daughter's name is Amber. :-) The only thing I wasn't sure about was how the daughter came to be called Amberger or why?
I didn't see any errors in your piece.
All the best in the contest.
Jan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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An interesting flash fiction story. My daughter's name is Amber. :-) The only thing I wasn't sure about was how the daughter came to be called Amberger or why?
I didn't see any errors in your piece.
All the best in the contest.
Jan
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the 5-pack. - Lobber