Starfish?!
some iambic quatrains15 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Nicely written iambic quatrains Red starting with the young man in spring and going through the seasons. I love your final line - winter's wind across his grave - good selection for the weather topic.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Nicely written iambic quatrains Red starting with the young man in spring and going through the seasons. I love your final line - winter's wind across his grave - good selection for the weather topic.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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I thought about calling to topic "other," but seasons are after all mostly about the weather. We are having a mild winter. I read that parts of Australia are having a fierce summer...wish we could borrow about ten degrees F from you...thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your poem, Red. Good job on the rhymes and smooth flow of lines. I like the rhymes and touches of alliteration. I like how your correlate one's life to the seasons. It is easy to understand the passing of time as the seasons pass. The picture is good and is still appropriate. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
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I enjoyed your poem, Red. Good job on the rhymes and smooth flow of lines. I like the rhymes and touches of alliteration. I like how your correlate one's life to the seasons. It is easy to understand the passing of time as the seasons pass. The picture is good and is still appropriate. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
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As my notes said, the old folk song set me to thinking...thank you very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from JudyE
Intriguing poem about life passing by. I notice that spring has two verses as opposed to one each for the other seasons which is how it should be - in my humble opinion. And I love the photo with the sun colouring the middle ground.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
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Intriguing poem about life passing by. I notice that spring has two verses as opposed to one each for the other seasons which is how it should be - in my humble opinion. And I love the photo with the sun colouring the middle ground.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I thought I would do a verse each about baby, child, adult, geezer and croaked, but poems shape themselves in the hands of the amateur like me...
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Awww, heck, LlJ...this brought a tear to my eye this morning...what a beautiful poem for the life of a young man! :) Being the mom of three sons, this one wove it's way into my heart. Thank you so very much for the awesome words and narrative here...just perfect! ;) :) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Awww, heck, LlJ...this brought a tear to my eye this morning...what a beautiful poem for the life of a young man! :) Being the mom of three sons, this one wove it's way into my heart. Thank you so very much for the awesome words and narrative here...just perfect! ;) :) Yvette :)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Sometimes old guys living alone get to thinking what might have been, even after a longish and placid life...thank you very much for reading and reviewing my verses!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent poem of loneliness and longing, Red.
The aabb rhyme scheme keeps this pumping right along with a heartbeat-like rhythm.
Most folks here seem to want poems about cuddly puppy dogs, cooing infants, long-lasting elderly love, child or spousal abuse, or kitty cats. So, to see a poem of this type topping the Well-Received charts today--one of despondency and heartache (and death)--does my blackened heart good.
~Dean
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Excellent poem of loneliness and longing, Red.
The aabb rhyme scheme keeps this pumping right along with a heartbeat-like rhythm.
Most folks here seem to want poems about cuddly puppy dogs, cooing infants, long-lasting elderly love, child or spousal abuse, or kitty cats. So, to see a poem of this type topping the Well-Received charts today--one of despondency and heartache (and death)--does my blackened heart good.
~Dean
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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I have to credit the diuretic, the vascodilator and the blocker, Dean. When the BP hits double digits, the verses turn sour...thanks very much for reading my attack on poesy...Miko snarls a greeting...
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My pleasure...
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt poem. On the wrong side of fifty, we often think back about our younger days when we still have the energy to go around and find some fun things to do, now every day is about the same and we travel around the world in our minds. It is a very beautiful picture of a fantastic scene.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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A very well-written heartfelt poem. On the wrong side of fifty, we often think back about our younger days when we still have the energy to go around and find some fun things to do, now every day is about the same and we travel around the world in our minds. It is a very beautiful picture of a fantastic scene.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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I loved that mountain and hated it. Commuting twenty miles in foul weather was a pain, but when the mountain chose to be beautiful, I looked. I rarely have sour moods, but they do make for good verses sometimes...thanks very much for reading.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Red. You've done a wonderful job with this rhyming poem. Word choices and theme are great. A timely piece which always remains timeless. We have to enjoy the moment. Marilyn
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Hi Red. You've done a wonderful job with this rhyming poem. Word choices and theme are great. A timely piece which always remains timeless. We have to enjoy the moment. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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I take blood pressure meds that sometimes produce darker moods than is my nature, but they give viewpoints and verses sometimes...the potlatch club challenge choice of style led me to this iambic tetrameter venture. thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A lifetime was had in these few verses, from spring to winter, a clever well rhymed poem, much enjoyed, the last stanza is my favourite and the last line sums up the final death which is quite chilling, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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A lifetime was had in these few verses, from spring to winter, a clever well rhymed poem, much enjoyed, the last stanza is my favourite and the last line sums up the final death which is quite chilling, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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I guess my picking iambic tetrameter in a poem style of choice prompt by the potlatch club vents my opinion clearly. Rhymes and meter make poetry. Anything else is cute prose. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
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I agree x
Comment from Gloria ....
Just a terrific write, Ellijay. Your rhyme and metre sublime and most importantly your sentiment illustrated in fresh imagery.
A poem to be savoured and enjoyed many times.
Thank you for your always spectacular poetry. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Just a terrific write, Ellijay. Your rhyme and metre sublime and most importantly your sentiment illustrated in fresh imagery.
A poem to be savoured and enjoyed many times.
Thank you for your always spectacular poetry. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Sometimes I feel a bit like the chap in the poem, when meds and moods mix badly, but most days I am a bit more satisfied with how the game played out...thanks very much for reading and reviewing my potlatch club poem...
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hi Red,
I like your choices of some seldom seen verbs and adjectives such as; perfumed days pant madly by till summer steels the tender sky, I love your choice of "steels" and "pant" and the alliterations in those lines. The rhythm of your poem is excellent as are all of your rhymes. But most importantly your words portray how quickly life can pass by and change from summer to fall and eventually to winter. I loved your last two quatrains "but sad dry stalks are all that wave... in winter's wind across his grave". Terrific write!
All the best
Warren
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Hi Red,
I like your choices of some seldom seen verbs and adjectives such as; perfumed days pant madly by till summer steels the tender sky, I love your choice of "steels" and "pant" and the alliterations in those lines. The rhythm of your poem is excellent as are all of your rhymes. But most importantly your words portray how quickly life can pass by and change from summer to fall and eventually to winter. I loved your last two quatrains "but sad dry stalks are all that wave... in winter's wind across his grave". Terrific write!
All the best
Warren
Comment Written 16-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
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Sometimes I feel like the guy in the poem, but not too often. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my response to the potlatch poetry club challenge, and that sixth star really makes my day!