Take the Sandwich!
A Flash Fiction story24 total reviews
Comment from Earl Corp
Excellent advice, take the damn sandwich. This was funny and well written. Good luck in the contest. No disrespect but I hope you take second place.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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Excellent advice, take the damn sandwich. This was funny and well written. Good luck in the contest. No disrespect but I hope you take second place.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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Thank you. I'll take second only if you're in first. Deal? lol
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Deal.
Comment from LaRosa
Ahhh, and all the best laid plans of mice and men somehow go awry! Isn't that the way it goes when you really need down time to spoil yourself? Hmm, maybe the friends needed company for the scary parts?
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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Ahhh, and all the best laid plans of mice and men somehow go awry! Isn't that the way it goes when you really need down time to spoil yourself? Hmm, maybe the friends needed company for the scary parts?
Comment Written 27-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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That might have been it. Thanks for a delightful review.
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
lol, this is a really cute flash fiction entry. I believe I would have taken the sandwich too. lol. Nicely done, my friend. Good luck! ~Kerry
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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lol, this is a really cute flash fiction entry. I believe I would have taken the sandwich too. lol. Nicely done, my friend. Good luck! ~Kerry
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Thank you. I hope you had a good laugh! It happened many years ago, but it still cracks me up.
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OMG! lol, that's funny. I'm so very sorry for the late reply, I haven't really been on lately.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Yvonne, a nice little piece of you wanting to be alone at the pictures and then you were chatted up by you're friends. I think I would have taken the sandwich as well. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Hi Yvonne, a nice little piece of you wanting to be alone at the pictures and then you were chatted up by you're friends. I think I would have taken the sandwich as well. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Thank you. Yes, I'm careful to take whatever my sons offer me. LOL
Comment from Pantygynt
There seems to be no minimum length and, as this is well within the 500 word maximum you should be all right. sometimes the most well-meaning of friends can bve a pain in the butt as here. I did like the punch line though.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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There seems to be no minimum length and, as this is well within the 500 word maximum you should be all right. sometimes the most well-meaning of friends can bve a pain in the butt as here. I did like the punch line though.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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I'm glad you did. Thank you for reviewing. I realize it's longer than normal, but that's how the directions were given.
Comment from humpwhistle
Yep, I believe I'd've taken the sandwich, too.
I like your story, but it's all 'tell' no 'show'. I'm not sure I'd call it Flash, either. One of the hallmarks of Flash is word-economy. I know they allow up to 500 words in this contest, but 'economy' should still be exercised, or it's not Flash.
A hot night. I couldn't sleep. Decided to take in a film.
The theater sat nearly deserted. I almost did a joyous jig. Instead I found a dark, cool spot, settled in for a private viewing . . .
Just an example of what I mean by 'economy'. Writing this way also mitigates the 'tell' aspect.
I hope this helps.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Yep, I believe I'd've taken the sandwich, too.
I like your story, but it's all 'tell' no 'show'. I'm not sure I'd call it Flash, either. One of the hallmarks of Flash is word-economy. I know they allow up to 500 words in this contest, but 'economy' should still be exercised, or it's not Flash.
A hot night. I couldn't sleep. Decided to take in a film.
The theater sat nearly deserted. I almost did a joyous jig. Instead I found a dark, cool spot, settled in for a private viewing . . .
Just an example of what I mean by 'economy'. Writing this way also mitigates the 'tell' aspect.
I hope this helps.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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It does, Lee. Thanks a lot for the suggestions.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Damommy;
>Impact, how great was the impact of your last line, is what I asked myself when I read your story twice.
> So I asked you how do you think your endings impact played on your story.
> I found it a little less of an impact but very interesting and definitely humorous.
> I really identified with you in having despair during the movies while listening to your friends talking during the movie. I've had that happen to me, too many times
> Good luck In the contest, my friend, take care and have a good one.
Alx
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Cheers, Damommy;
>Impact, how great was the impact of your last line, is what I asked myself when I read your story twice.
> So I asked you how do you think your endings impact played on your story.
> I found it a little less of an impact but very interesting and definitely humorous.
> I really identified with you in having despair during the movies while listening to your friends talking during the movie. I've had that happen to me, too many times
> Good luck In the contest, my friend, take care and have a good one.
Alx
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Thanks for reviewing. I'll try to do better.
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You welcome, Damommy.
Alx
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written flash fiction story that seems to be a movie afternoon that become a little strange when two friends join you and they seem to spoil the movie for you.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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A very well-written flash fiction story that seems to be a movie afternoon that become a little strange when two friends join you and they seem to spoil the movie for you.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Sandra. I appreciate your review.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a hoot Yvonne! I was so engrossed in your story I didn't see that coming. I bet everyone broke out laughing.
I know I would have preferred the sandwich! Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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This is a hoot Yvonne! I was so engrossed in your story I didn't see that coming. I bet everyone broke out laughing.
I know I would have preferred the sandwich! Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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hahahaha. Thank you, Nancy. I'm glad you laughed.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was so funny, Yvonne, I'd've taken the damned sandwich, too! This is a wonderful flash fiction story, my friend, I was sitting there listening to those annoying friends wanting to tell them to be quiet. LOL. Well done and good luck in the contest! :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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That was so funny, Yvonne, I'd've taken the damned sandwich, too! This is a wonderful flash fiction story, my friend, I was sitting there listening to those annoying friends wanting to tell them to be quiet. LOL. Well done and good luck in the contest! :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 26-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review. If you wanted to tell the to hush, I guess I did my job in telling it. I'm trying to improve my prose writing.
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You are really doing well, Yvonne, this was excellent. You must write some more. :) xx
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I was told by one reviewer that I 'told' rather than 'showed.' For life of me, I don't how else I could have told this story. Thanks for your encouragement.
