Forgotten
A Chain Rhyme34 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
This is very poignant. The vines obscuring the tomb make a wonderful touch for your poem. They suggest how people may be forgotten over time. The narrator suggests that the person in the tomb may be a young man who died in battle, with loved ones still waiting to hear from him. The story of what may have happened to the individual who's buried there may remain a mystery, according to the narrator. Excellent work with your rhyme, and the lines flow smoothly. Excellent attention to the details that add to the atmosphere. Good luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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This is very poignant. The vines obscuring the tomb make a wonderful touch for your poem. They suggest how people may be forgotten over time. The narrator suggests that the person in the tomb may be a young man who died in battle, with loved ones still waiting to hear from him. The story of what may have happened to the individual who's buried there may remain a mystery, according to the narrator. Excellent work with your rhyme, and the lines flow smoothly. Excellent attention to the details that add to the atmosphere. Good luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 30-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thank you for these lovely remarks, Judi. Much appreciated.
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You're welcome. I like that you made the grave site obscured, so the grave could be anyone's. judi
Comment from dragonpoet
This looks like a hard form. But, you did it well. It is a sad poem about a young soldier who died and who seems to be forgotten because his family never got
the news of his death or his deeds.
Good luck in the contest
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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This looks like a hard form. But, you did it well. It is a sad poem about a young soldier who died and who seems to be forgotten because his family never got
the news of his death or his deeds.
Good luck in the contest
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 30-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thank you for reviewing and for the good wishes.
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Don't mention it.
dp
Comment from Sanku
This is a very good chain rhyme.
we can see many such graves that bear no inscription.
i used to wonder sometimes about who lies beneath it.
your poem is very evocative.and gives a gentle nostalgic feel .
like a gentle wind lifting off a curtain to give a glimpse inside.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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This is a very good chain rhyme.
we can see many such graves that bear no inscription.
i used to wonder sometimes about who lies beneath it.
your poem is very evocative.and gives a gentle nostalgic feel .
like a gentle wind lifting off a curtain to give a glimpse inside.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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I found some unmarked grave on my land years ago. Had no idea who or why. Makes good story telling. 8-)
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Damommy;
> First I looked up what is a chain line and discovered the challenges in the rhyming format of each verse is quite different as the last verse being a mono-rhyme format.
> The enchantment flowed smoothly throughout the writing and I thiink that was due to the fact that each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smoothly.
> This in turn help the enchantment to be understood quickly and easily and the theme of the concept was readily understood.
>The last verse was really a knockout On how welll you devise the mono rhyming to working so well is if it was there righteously so.
>You can't wait for love if it's there for the taking, or if it's there for the loving.
>Thanks for sharing this, Damommy, and take care and always have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alx
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Cheers, Damommy;
> First I looked up what is a chain line and discovered the challenges in the rhyming format of each verse is quite different as the last verse being a mono-rhyme format.
> The enchantment flowed smoothly throughout the writing and I thiink that was due to the fact that each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smoothly.
> This in turn help the enchantment to be understood quickly and easily and the theme of the concept was readily understood.
>The last verse was really a knockout On how welll you devise the mono rhyming to working so well is if it was there righteously so.
>You can't wait for love if it's there for the taking, or if it's there for the loving.
>Thanks for sharing this, Damommy, and take care and always have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alx
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review, and for the lovely comments.
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You're Welcome, Damommy.
Alx
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Forgotten", is an extremely well-written and deftly descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. You KEEP WRITING and I'll KEEP READING. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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"Forgotten", is an extremely well-written and deftly descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. You KEEP WRITING and I'll KEEP READING. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much. I'm happy you like it.
damonny,
You're welcome and I certainly liked it.
Take care and God bless you,
the Duchess :)))))
Comment from lyenochka
Love the gentle meter of this well-rhymed poem. (yet another new format!) And you do a great job building up the feeling of sadness in the reader considering this forgotten unknown person's tomb.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Love the gentle meter of this well-rhymed poem. (yet another new format!) And you do a great job building up the feeling of sadness in the reader considering this forgotten unknown person's tomb.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for this fantastic review, Helen. I'm so glad you like it.
Comment from karenina
Know what would help? If the requirements for this contest were listed. I tried toggling back and forth between here and the required rhyme scheme and other parameters and -- well, it makes for a frustrating experience! SO--on content and theme and tone and originality I applaud your effort. I'm going to assume anyone smart enough to write this would have stuck to the contest "requirements"--God Bless our forgotten heroes! Nice write (in any rhyme scheme!)
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Know what would help? If the requirements for this contest were listed. I tried toggling back and forth between here and the required rhyme scheme and other parameters and -- well, it makes for a frustrating experience! SO--on content and theme and tone and originality I applaud your effort. I'm going to assume anyone smart enough to write this would have stuck to the contest "requirements"--God Bless our forgotten heroes! Nice write (in any rhyme scheme!)
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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I'm sorry, but we weren't allowed to have author notes. The form is described in the contest. I appreciate your review and lovely comments. Thank you.
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Yes, I noted that in the instructions when I went over to see just what this form was all about...whoever posted this contest really wanted we reviewers to work I guess! (Your poem was great!)
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Thank you. 8-)
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:) Sure thing!
Comment from Lady Jane
but now lies here - could you use:
but now 'lying' unknown
no tales to tell of bravery or disgrace.- edit suggestion:
no tales elude to bravery or disgrace
I'm loving reading these chain poems. Yours is so poignantly written with a story that is sure to resonate with many. I'm a genealogist in my spare time and enjoy reading and recording histories of ancestors and friends. The rhyme was solid with excellent pacing throughout the piece. As stated, the content was very well chosen. I made just the two suggestions, but they are by no means required. Just suggestions from one poet to another. The image chosen worked to really draw the reader into the depth of writing. Well done and I wish you the best of luck.
Janelle
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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but now lies here - could you use:
but now 'lying' unknown
no tales to tell of bravery or disgrace.- edit suggestion:
no tales elude to bravery or disgrace
I'm loving reading these chain poems. Yours is so poignantly written with a story that is sure to resonate with many. I'm a genealogist in my spare time and enjoy reading and recording histories of ancestors and friends. The rhyme was solid with excellent pacing throughout the piece. As stated, the content was very well chosen. I made just the two suggestions, but they are by no means required. Just suggestions from one poet to another. The image chosen worked to really draw the reader into the depth of writing. Well done and I wish you the best of luck.
Janelle
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thank you for taking the time to review, and for the good wishes. I'm going to leave it as it is for now, but I appreciate the suggestions.
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sounds great :) good luck. you and Jan have very good ones. These will be hard to beat ... hehe
Comment from LaRosa
Your sense of reverie about a grave you seem to have stumbled on provides food for thought.
This picture is very nicely chosen to fit the story told. The chain rhyme rules look like they might not have been easy to work with. But everything flowed smoothly and easily on the ear.
It's a haunting feeling to wonder who waited and how long.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Your sense of reverie about a grave you seem to have stumbled on provides food for thought.
This picture is very nicely chosen to fit the story told. The chain rhyme rules look like they might not have been easy to work with. But everything flowed smoothly and easily on the ear.
It's a haunting feeling to wonder who waited and how long.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thank you. I'm so glad you saw what I intended. Thanks for these wonderful comments.
Comment from zanya
A hauntingly beautiful exploration of a burial site and its deceased occupants as to who they were and how they lived their earthly existence - perhaps a young war veteran - exquisite imagery especially the last two lines
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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A hauntingly beautiful exploration of a burial site and its deceased occupants as to who they were and how they lived their earthly existence - perhaps a young war veteran - exquisite imagery especially the last two lines
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your wonderful comments.
