Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Ster Crazy"All chapters
8 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Marv,
Some very interesting little tidbits in that conversation. It is always nice to know the why behind the killing - and the new alibi.
Great little contraptions - those tape recorders. Great piece of dialogue, here. The characters had differently distinct voices, and the dialogue moved the piece along.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Hi, Marv,
Some very interesting little tidbits in that conversation. It is always nice to know the why behind the killing - and the new alibi.
Great little contraptions - those tape recorders. Great piece of dialogue, here. The characters had differently distinct voices, and the dialogue moved the piece along.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 09-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Hi, Marv,
Some very interesting little tidbits in that conversation. It is always nice to know the why behind the killing - and the new alibi.
Great little contraptions - those tape recorders. Great piece of dialogue, here. The characters had differently distinct voices, and the dialogue moved the piece along.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~ Comment Written 09-Aug-2018 by Mustangpatty1029
Comment from pbomar1115
Just when I was on the hook, you ended it. I entered the story expecting two detectives to solve a crime. This is the how good writers hook readers: Leave them hanging, wanting more.
Philip
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Just when I was on the hook, you ended it. I entered the story expecting two detectives to solve a crime. This is the how good writers hook readers: Leave them hanging, wanting more.
Philip
Comment Written 09-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thanks for reviewing.
Part II is coming soon.
Thank you for the compliments.
Prior to this post and the Blurb, the title was FOW Play.
Marv
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You're welcome, Marv.
Phillip
Comment from Sugarray77
Very interesting. You kept my attention toon throughout this part of the tale and I'm looking forward to the continuation of it. Good dialogue and use of different fonts to showcase it. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Very interesting. You kept my attention toon throughout this part of the tale and I'm looking forward to the continuation of it. Good dialogue and use of different fonts to showcase it. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the 5 stars.
I'm glad you liked this part of the chapter. I intend to post the rest of it ASAP.
Thanks for the compliments.
I've been having trouble with titles. Hope that doesn't cause you any inconvenience.
Marv
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Marv. It looks to me that your story is progressing well. I particularly got a kick out of wondering if there is any money in writing line. I'll bet that line jumped out at all your readers. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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Hi Marv. It looks to me that your story is progressing well. I particularly got a kick out of wondering if there is any money in writing line. I'll bet that line jumped out at all your readers. Marilyn
Comment Written 07-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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Thank you for reviewing. The story is wrapping up well.
The 'money in writing' line presented an opportunity I couldn't resist.
It didn't jump out at all my readers.
One reviewer wrote: I enjoyed Brennan's wondering if there was any money to be made in writing.
Another wrote: '- don't be a fool - stick to detecting.'
Thanks for all the ways you help me.
Marv
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You're welcome.
Comment from judiverse
Excellent chapter. I enjoyed Brennan's wondering if there was any money to be made in writing. Maybe he'll have a new career when he retires. Doherty listens to the tape recording that has a discussion of the plans for the money. One plan was for Sterling to pitch the bag up on the roof where it wouldn't be seen. He and Roman were, supposedly, the only ones to wind up with the loot. Then Sterling says he has a better plan. The tape recording is well used for this chapter. Curious about the better plan. judi
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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Excellent chapter. I enjoyed Brennan's wondering if there was any money to be made in writing. Maybe he'll have a new career when he retires. Doherty listens to the tape recording that has a discussion of the plans for the money. One plan was for Sterling to pitch the bag up on the roof where it wouldn't be seen. He and Roman were, supposedly, the only ones to wind up with the loot. Then Sterling says he has a better plan. The tape recording is well used for this chapter. Curious about the better plan. judi
Comment Written 07-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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I'm really glad you like this chapter.
I couldn't resist putting in the part about '. . . any money to be made in writing.' How often does an opportunity like that occur?
I have plans for Brennan if he lives through this.
The spelling of the bank manager has been changed to fit the new title. I think it worked out perfectly. Or I could title it, "Ster Crazy." If you have time, let me know which you prefer.
Thanks for reviewing and the 5 stars.
Marv
Comment from giraffmang
Ah, so the method of secretion is coming to the fore. Nice instalment.
Detective Brennan and detective Doherty - perhaps capitalise both uses of Detective here.
Brennan thought. I wonder if there's any money to be made in writing. - don't be a fool - stick to detecting.
"Wait til you hear this, S.B.!" - til needs the apostrophe to start here - 'til.
"Stop the tape," Brennan said, "Let's let that sink in for a minute."- let's should be lower case as the previous dialogue and sentence isn't closed off with closing punctuation. Either that or change the comma after said to a full stop / period.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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Ah, so the method of secretion is coming to the fore. Nice instalment.
Detective Brennan and detective Doherty - perhaps capitalise both uses of Detective here.
Brennan thought. I wonder if there's any money to be made in writing. - don't be a fool - stick to detecting.
"Wait til you hear this, S.B.!" - til needs the apostrophe to start here - 'til.
"Stop the tape," Brennan said, "Let's let that sink in for a minute."- let's should be lower case as the previous dialogue and sentence isn't closed off with closing punctuation. Either that or change the comma after said to a full stop / period.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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You are an immense help, as usual.
Your comment about writing was enjoyable. I couldn't resist adding what I wrote.
I've made all the necessary changes. Thanks for all your help in that regard.
Marv
Comment from pome lover
very good, MM, but I see you didn't lose Loophole.
Beats me how you get rid of it - unless when you edit, you could delete it? But you've probably tried that.
Oh - it just dawned on me what you were talking about in "worried.>
I was just being snippy - but it was supposed to be in a light- hearted way., kinda teasing you. I aplogize if it didn't come across that way.
Question - what did Brennan mean when he said, What I'm asking you to do could go a long way toward the end."? I didn't get that. Now you can be snippy back at me. :)
PL
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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very good, MM, but I see you didn't lose Loophole.
Beats me how you get rid of it - unless when you edit, you could delete it? But you've probably tried that.
Oh - it just dawned on me what you were talking about in "worried.>
I was just being snippy - but it was supposed to be in a light- hearted way., kinda teasing you. I aplogize if it didn't come across that way.
Question - what did Brennan mean when he said, What I'm asking you to do could go a long way toward the end."? I didn't get that. Now you can be snippy back at me. :)
PL
Comment Written 06-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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Thanks for reviewing.
I'm glad you thought it was good.
Once I click submit ?Loophole? gets added.
The words you're asking about reads, ?. . . toward that end." he's referring to, ?. . . search the vehicles of all the employees,?
Thanks for the 5 stars.
Marv
Marv
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thanks for explaining, and thanks for the thanks. :)
Comment from Nanny 6
Now that's very interesting, so he was recorded planning the heist and the tape almost got erased when they were going to record over it. Hmmmm. Very interesting story line you have here. You got my attention...
Judy
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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Now that's very interesting, so he was recorded planning the heist and the tape almost got erased when they were going to record over it. Hmmmm. Very interesting story line you have here. You got my attention...
Judy
Comment Written 06-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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Basically, you're correct. The robber, Ronald Roman, asked the cops to take his deathbed confession, before he croaked. While the cops were conferring with the doctors, he had a burst of lucidness and added to his statement.
I hope that won't burst your bubble, but it's my fault that you were mislead.
Thanks for reviewing and the five stars.
Marv
