Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 81 "Chapter Funfundzwanzig Part eins"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
22 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was amazing, Barbara. I'm just back from a ten day break and catching up. This part was certainly action-packed. I'm off to read your latest part now! :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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That was amazing, Barbara. I'm just back from a ten day break and catching up. This part was certainly action-packed. I'm off to read your latest part now! :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I hope you had a wonderful trip.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Barbara, :)
Good chapter. You write action well. Sorry, there was a death but I'm beginning to think that is what sells. I just started a prompt. Twelve hours to write an action scene -- if you are interested. :)
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018
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Hello, Barbara, :)
Good chapter. You write action well. Sorry, there was a death but I'm beginning to think that is what sells. I just started a prompt. Twelve hours to write an action scene -- if you are interested. :)
Comment Written 14-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018
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Action scenes, I actually struggle with. LOL I always have to have help. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jan Anderegg
Judging from the chapter number the book is well advanced. A gripping action scene to start it off. The dialogue was believable and natural.
Just one thought on the part where Shana hits the intruder over the head with a clay flower pot. It seemed a little improbable that being hit with a clay flowerpot would knock out a large man. Could you have her find something a little heavier? Like a flat piece of iron bar? It also seemed unlikely she would be able to sneak up on him without him hearing her especially when he is already on the lookout for her.
Just food for thought. Feel free to ignore. LOL I noticed your notes about having written and re-written this piece. I know when that happens to me, there is usually something that is just not working in the chapter. Hope you figure it out.
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2018
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Judging from the chapter number the book is well advanced. A gripping action scene to start it off. The dialogue was believable and natural.
Just one thought on the part where Shana hits the intruder over the head with a clay flower pot. It seemed a little improbable that being hit with a clay flowerpot would knock out a large man. Could you have her find something a little heavier? Like a flat piece of iron bar? It also seemed unlikely she would be able to sneak up on him without him hearing her especially when he is already on the lookout for her.
Just food for thought. Feel free to ignore. LOL I noticed your notes about having written and re-written this piece. I know when that happens to me, there is usually something that is just not working in the chapter. Hope you figure it out.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 13-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2018
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I will recheck the area. Thank you.
Comment from Sasha
This one had me holding my breath from beginning to end. I noticed Shana didn't complain when Drew kissed her and called her sweetheart...good sign. Great work with this chapter. I cannot wait until you post the next one.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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This one had me holding my breath from beginning to end. I noticed Shana didn't complain when Drew kissed her and called her sweetheart...good sign. Great work with this chapter. I cannot wait until you post the next one.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Artasylum
Well my favorite reads are thrillers/with a bit of romance. Very good characterization, well done. The story moved along very nicely and you kept me in suspense at the end. thanks so much. yours, diana
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Well my favorite reads are thrillers/with a bit of romance. Very good characterization, well done. The story moved along very nicely and you kept me in suspense at the end. thanks so much. yours, diana
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. This adventure for Shana has been going on for quite some time and still manages tom hold the reader's interest. Well constructed images here and there throughout.
Suggestions from my review: " She noticed a clay flowerpot next to the building, picked it up, and crept behind the man. Lifting it above her, she slammed it into the back of the man's head. He crumbled to the ground in a daze." (In order to eliminate the repeating the word, "man" so close in proximity, I suggest this:
" . . . and crept behind Bezrukov, then Lifting it above her, she slammed it into the back of the man's head. He crumbled to the ground in a daze."
Also: "Family members rushed outside as Anderson shoved the knife into Bezrukov's chest. (Perhaps, JUST as Anderson shoved the knife into Bezrukov's chest.)
And; Redo this sentence for better flow and impact: "When she saw him, she ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. "You're safe."
I suggest: "She threw her arms around his neck. You're safe, she excaimed." (None of the rest is necessary, Barbara.
Good job, Bob
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Hi, Barbara. This adventure for Shana has been going on for quite some time and still manages tom hold the reader's interest. Well constructed images here and there throughout.
Suggestions from my review: " She noticed a clay flowerpot next to the building, picked it up, and crept behind the man. Lifting it above her, she slammed it into the back of the man's head. He crumbled to the ground in a daze." (In order to eliminate the repeating the word, "man" so close in proximity, I suggest this:
" . . . and crept behind Bezrukov, then Lifting it above her, she slammed it into the back of the man's head. He crumbled to the ground in a daze."
Also: "Family members rushed outside as Anderson shoved the knife into Bezrukov's chest. (Perhaps, JUST as Anderson shoved the knife into Bezrukov's chest.)
And; Redo this sentence for better flow and impact: "When she saw him, she ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. "You're safe."
I suggest: "She threw her arms around his neck. You're safe, she excaimed." (None of the rest is necessary, Barbara.
Good job, Bob
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you. I have made the changes and it does read better. I worked very hard on this post and it still didn't read right. I appreciate the help.
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:) Bob
Comment from country ranch writer
so many trials and tribulations a young girl must face in her short life. trying to get her family's painting back has caused so much unrest.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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so many trials and tribulations a young girl must face in her short life. trying to get her family's painting back has caused so much unrest.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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So true. Thank you for the kind review.
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next
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Close call. Maybe Shana should be packin' a pistol. In fact, I think everyone should be armed and dangerous. It's the only way to keep psychos from murdering kids at school. Start shooting back and see how crime goes waaayyy down. :)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Close call. Maybe Shana should be packin' a pistol. In fact, I think everyone should be armed and dangerous. It's the only way to keep psychos from murdering kids at school. Start shooting back and see how crime goes waaayyy down. :)
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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I am wondering if maybe parents should start parenting. NOBODY parents any more. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. Loved the action scene -- quick as it was brutal -- not drawn out as some writers do. Liked Anderson's thought regarding Shana shouldn't be exposed to violence as it wasn't part of her world. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. Loved the action scene -- quick as it was brutal -- not drawn out as some writers do. Liked Anderson's thought regarding Shana shouldn't be exposed to violence as it wasn't part of her world. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from meeshu
very good, Barbara. this is a really good story I have been following for a while now. I enjoy the different characters and the way you have developed them........meeshu
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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very good, Barbara. this is a really good story I have been following for a while now. I enjoy the different characters and the way you have developed them........meeshu
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.