Brindled Thoughts
Free Verse for the contest29 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt and thought-provoking free verse poem about brindled thoughts of a poet. While we are living we can pen our thoughts down after death we can only hope someone will find our scribes useful.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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A very well-written heartfelt and thought-provoking free verse poem about brindled thoughts of a poet. While we are living we can pen our thoughts down after death we can only hope someone will find our scribes useful.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Sandra, and for your kind words. Most affirming. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
The verses are so densely packed with meaning, I can't say I fully grasp it. Yet, I feel it as it speaks to me of poets and writers from ancient times and somehow their words still connect with us.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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The verses are so densely packed with meaning, I can't say I fully grasp it. Yet, I feel it as it speaks to me of poets and writers from ancient times and somehow their words still connect with us.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Many thanks, Helen. I appreciate your very kind words and award of six stars. Most generous. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Zue65
I like you more when you write free verse, the flow of thought is not restricted and thus, the poem just rush over you freely. I learned new words too, from the author's notes. Again, thanks for sharing your gift to the readers.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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I like you more when you write free verse, the flow of thought is not restricted and thus, the poem just rush over you freely. I learned new words too, from the author's notes. Again, thanks for sharing your gift to the readers.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Very many thanks, Nassus. I appreciate your review and comments about the free verse. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow Tony! A stunning entry for this contest and I am envious of anyone that can write free verse well.
You've brought life and emotion to your words in an unfolding picture of the fears and loves of life and all good things that make poetry what it is.
I like the use of "brindled" and your ability to transcend the reader into the story and unify everything as one until you gently send them off with the breeze at the end.
Wonderful stuff. Poets leave SUCH a great legacy in their words. You will be NO different my friend.
Six shiny ones.
P
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Wow Tony! A stunning entry for this contest and I am envious of anyone that can write free verse well.
You've brought life and emotion to your words in an unfolding picture of the fears and loves of life and all good things that make poetry what it is.
I like the use of "brindled" and your ability to transcend the reader into the story and unify everything as one until you gently send them off with the breeze at the end.
Wonderful stuff. Poets leave SUCH a great legacy in their words. You will be NO different my friend.
Six shiny ones.
P
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Many thanks, Phillippa. I appreciate your very kind words and award of six stars. Most generous. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from ameen786
Brilliant! Wow, what a wonderful write;rich in vocabulary and loaded with superb alliteration/so meaningful;simple awesome; thanks for the treat my friend.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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Brilliant! Wow, what a wonderful write;rich in vocabulary and loaded with superb alliteration/so meaningful;simple awesome; thanks for the treat my friend.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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I'm delighted that you enjoyed this! Thank you for the wonderful validation of your six stars. Very much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from damommy
This is such a beautiful free verse, especially when read aloud.
Good alliteration, cross-rhyme, and assonance. (See, I did learn something. lol)
This is a winner for the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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This is such a beautiful free verse, especially when read aloud.
Good alliteration, cross-rhyme, and assonance. (See, I did learn something. lol)
This is a winner for the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Yvonne. In some ways this one almost wrote itself, though I did spend a few days fiddling around with the detail after writing my first draft. I appreciate the good luck wishes. This contest is so far ahead that I shall probably forget having entered it! It'll be a nice surprise if it hits the jackpot!
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It will be. I hate it when the deadline is so far away. 8-)
Comment from rama devi
Every line of your poem has deep meaningful substance and eloquent voicing. It's masterfully crafted, with finesse, nuance and fantastic phonetics, worthy of a six. Superb flow of thought and phrasing. LOVED READING THIS ALOUD! Multiple reads reveal more layers. Just wonderful. Brilliant. Delightful. I enjoyed the opening, but it is voiced as a question so I suggest;
Now shall I speak in brindled words
the brindled thoughts of poets wise,
whose scope of life and whim,
surmise and sighs,
and love for life,
is seen in ecstasies of weald and wood.(?)
Is it weal or weald?
Love the alliteration and assonance of
â??
and the word play with brindled and bridled.
Clever.
LOVE THESE LINES:
their fears and loves survive,
transcending time
in harmonies that rise
to waft and wheel, then drop
with claws of steel
to pierce the soft of human stuff
and taffeta ordeal,
raising up such welts and weals
as resurrection deems it needs
to vanquish death.
Delightful alliteraiton of D & S & L and assonance of A and consonance of W, M, L & S here:
Diffuse the light of whispered dawn,
still damp with dew when I arise;
a no-man's land, where lost souls scrawl
a half-scene purgatory of mists
that hang like flaccid sheets,
in the main awaiting
doldrum days, the listlessness
of lethargy and age,
until a gentle breeze
brings life again.
one suggestion:
doldrum-days
(optional)
Glad I have a six for4 the phenomenal poem. Good luck in the contest. This should win.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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Every line of your poem has deep meaningful substance and eloquent voicing. It's masterfully crafted, with finesse, nuance and fantastic phonetics, worthy of a six. Superb flow of thought and phrasing. LOVED READING THIS ALOUD! Multiple reads reveal more layers. Just wonderful. Brilliant. Delightful. I enjoyed the opening, but it is voiced as a question so I suggest;
Now shall I speak in brindled words
the brindled thoughts of poets wise,
whose scope of life and whim,
surmise and sighs,
and love for life,
is seen in ecstasies of weald and wood.(?)
Is it weal or weald?
Love the alliteration and assonance of
â??
and the word play with brindled and bridled.
Clever.
LOVE THESE LINES:
their fears and loves survive,
transcending time
in harmonies that rise
to waft and wheel, then drop
with claws of steel
to pierce the soft of human stuff
and taffeta ordeal,
raising up such welts and weals
as resurrection deems it needs
to vanquish death.
Delightful alliteraiton of D & S & L and assonance of A and consonance of W, M, L & S here:
Diffuse the light of whispered dawn,
still damp with dew when I arise;
a no-man's land, where lost souls scrawl
a half-scene purgatory of mists
that hang like flaccid sheets,
in the main awaiting
doldrum days, the listlessness
of lethargy and age,
until a gentle breeze
brings life again.
one suggestion:
doldrum-days
(optional)
Glad I have a six for4 the phenomenal poem. Good luck in the contest. This should win.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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I'm delighted that you enjoyed this one, RD! Thank you for the wonderful validation of your six stars. Very much appreciated! I shall have to think about the question mark. Despite the inversion of "Now shall I", it is not intended to be a question. However, if I write "Now I shall" it destroys the rhythm of the first line. Maybe I can find a better way of expressing it.
A weald is a wild, uncultivated upland region, often wooded, and a weal is a red, swollen mark left on flesh by a blow. Perhaps I should add that to my author notes.
I had been reading a book of poetry that night which included Hopkins' "Glory be to God for dappled things ? For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow" and Tennyson's Eagle "He watches from his mountain walls, / And like a thunderbolt he falls", both of which were still echoing in my mind when I wrote this the next morning.
Best wishes, as always, Tony
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I think it's fine, actually...it can be read as inverted without a question mark too.
Thanks for teaching me a new word!
Nice reading!
I am reading an amazing novel called Tinkers, by Paul Harding. Highly recommend it. Immensely nuanced creative example of 'showing not telling', with rich detail, superb AHAs, and a unique style. So impressive. It won a Pulitzer.
Warm Wishes,
rd
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:)))
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:-)))))
Comment from pome lover
Oh, that is really wonderful. I love your word choices, and the soft flow of them, though I'm curious about some of them, for instance, "taffeta ordeal." And when you say brindled, ( I always think of the boxer we used to have) do you mean a mix? mottled? "Brindled words" - I'm trying to figure that one out, too, which probably leads you to think, "then what does she love?" I love the sound of it, the thoughtful, intelligent sound of the whole of it. I have to say if you run a B&B you probably don't have time for lethargy, unless the doldrum days and waiting for the gentle breeze are meant literally instead of figuratively. I have probably overdone this review. sorry. I do like it.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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Oh, that is really wonderful. I love your word choices, and the soft flow of them, though I'm curious about some of them, for instance, "taffeta ordeal." And when you say brindled, ( I always think of the boxer we used to have) do you mean a mix? mottled? "Brindled words" - I'm trying to figure that one out, too, which probably leads you to think, "then what does she love?" I love the sound of it, the thoughtful, intelligent sound of the whole of it. I have to say if you run a B&B you probably don't have time for lethargy, unless the doldrum days and waiting for the gentle breeze are meant literally instead of figuratively. I have probably overdone this review. sorry. I do like it.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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I'm delighted that you enjoyed this one, Katherine! Thank you for the wonderful validation of your six stars. Very much appreciated! I've added an author note explaining the meaning of brindled. The taffeta ordeal connects with the idea of 'the soft of human stuff' and is meant to convey an idea of the silken luxury of civilisation that stands between us and the innate wildness of our inner feelings. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
I definitely want to use this in my upcoming Rhyme and Metre in Free Verse class. It is so rich in both without going over the edge and ceasing to be free verse. The examples of cross rhyme and assonance are particularly fine.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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I definitely want to use this in my upcoming Rhyme and Metre in Free Verse class. It is so rich in both without going over the edge and ceasing to be free verse. The examples of cross rhyme and assonance are particularly fine.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2018
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I'm delighted that you enjoyed this one, Jim! Thank you for the wonderful validation of your six stars. Very much appreciated! By all means use it in your upcoming class if it suits your purpose. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from krys123
My Lord, Tony, Cheers;
-I was dazzled by the tickling of my tongue is the alliteration's rolled smoothly with each breath that I took. The inconspicuous rhymes that popped up now and then made the tempo flow smoothly within each line. Thus making each rhyming word contingent to the meaning and concept of each line which helped the understanding of the enjambment and the topic which also flow smoothly.
-"...until a gentle breeze brings life again." All throughout this writing I get the feeling that poetry is dead but the authors live forever. And yet a new poem arises and brings new life to the authors of such a archival talented format, "I hear their words on angels' wings for, though these poets died, their fears and loves survive,
transcending time in harmonies that rise,....raising up such welts and weals
as resurrection deems it needs to vanquish death." Beyond all else poetry defies death and the authors are of these poems shall live forever within the words that put and deciphered the disclosures and pleasures of life on the faces of all readers.
-Good luck in the contest, Tony, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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My Lord, Tony, Cheers;
-I was dazzled by the tickling of my tongue is the alliteration's rolled smoothly with each breath that I took. The inconspicuous rhymes that popped up now and then made the tempo flow smoothly within each line. Thus making each rhyming word contingent to the meaning and concept of each line which helped the understanding of the enjambment and the topic which also flow smoothly.
-"...until a gentle breeze brings life again." All throughout this writing I get the feeling that poetry is dead but the authors live forever. And yet a new poem arises and brings new life to the authors of such a archival talented format, "I hear their words on angels' wings for, though these poets died, their fears and loves survive,
transcending time in harmonies that rise,....raising up such welts and weals
as resurrection deems it needs to vanquish death." Beyond all else poetry defies death and the authors are of these poems shall live forever within the words that put and deciphered the disclosures and pleasures of life on the faces of all readers.
-Good luck in the contest, Tony, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 25-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Many thanks, Alex. I appreciate your very kind words and award of six stars. Most generous. Best wishes, Tony
