Record of Life
The record of life spins. Who loses or wins?63 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is very good. I would have liked to read about more of the music of your youth, but this was your trip down memory lane and the event you recall is your confrontation with the shopkeeper.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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This is very good. I would have liked to read about more of the music of your youth, but this was your trip down memory lane and the event you recall is your confrontation with the shopkeeper.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Yes, Thomas, I would have liked to have included more of the music of my youth--I wrote in my diary that I bought at the shop Jesus Christ Superstar and The Carpenters, but I could not fit these references into my song. The best I could do is to pay homage to the music of the people by mentioning common themes of blue jeans and rock 'n' roll while providing a twist with the horrible incident that happened in the shop. Thank you for your review.
Comment from jenintorre
Wow. This is a brilliant entry for the lyrics competition. Brilliant story, very nostalgic. I really enjoyed it. I was singing it in my head. Good luck
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Wow. This is a brilliant entry for the lyrics competition. Brilliant story, very nostalgic. I really enjoyed it. I was singing it in my head. Good luck
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thank you, jenintorre, for your generous, six star review and for wishing me good luck in the contest. I focused on telling my own story through lyrics. I am glad you found them singable.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Wow! What a story? And what an amazing poem, I was drawn in from the start and to think your life could have been over through a mis-understanding, one more life gone through guns and the suspicions of black people, I am shocked and so glad that this did not happen to you and you were able to lead a fulfilling life. I wish you luck with your songwriting, our experiences resonate deep within us. Your poem deserves a well earned six, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Wow! What a story? And what an amazing poem, I was drawn in from the start and to think your life could have been over through a mis-understanding, one more life gone through guns and the suspicions of black people, I am shocked and so glad that this did not happen to you and you were able to lead a fulfilling life. I wish you luck with your songwriting, our experiences resonate deep within us. Your poem deserves a well earned six, love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Yes, Dolly, I did not realize the significance of my experience until years later when I heard about all of these shootings of unarmed black people. I now knew that my experience was common so I decided to tell my story.
Thank you for your generous, six star review of my story/poem/song and for wishing me success with my songwriting.
Comment from lyenochka
This is such an important song not just because it records a real life experience but it teaches those who haven't had that experience what horrible injustice people of color suffer.
The chorus reminds us that it could happen to any one of us - and the brush with death could happen in a car, in a random shooting.
And all of the horror of the worst side of humanity (the salesman who fears robbery) who threatens human life is in the context of a young man enjoying the beauty of music, the excitement and anticipation of enjoying the discs.
Thank you for your notes: There's a typo as I think you meant "Tom Petty" not "Top Petty."
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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This is such an important song not just because it records a real life experience but it teaches those who haven't had that experience what horrible injustice people of color suffer.
The chorus reminds us that it could happen to any one of us - and the brush with death could happen in a car, in a random shooting.
And all of the horror of the worst side of humanity (the salesman who fears robbery) who threatens human life is in the context of a young man enjoying the beauty of music, the excitement and anticipation of enjoying the discs.
Thank you for your notes: There's a typo as I think you meant "Tom Petty" not "Top Petty."
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Yes, lyenochka, the sad thing about my incident is that even though it happened thirty-seven years ago, incidents like these are still happening today. A record is an apt metaphor. Not only does it goes around and around, but if there is a skip, it will keep repeating a line. We have been repeating this same line for decades.
Thank you for your generous, six star review and for fixing the typo.
Comment from fayesh
I like the metaphor of the spinning records, but as a lyrical song, it just doesn't have that musical effect on me. If this song is reminiscing about the 60's then the verbs should be in the past tense (in the first part), then work up to the present. The poem is just a poem about 50 years of racial and social injustice. As a theme for a song, it is missing the musicality.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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I like the metaphor of the spinning records, but as a lyrical song, it just doesn't have that musical effect on me. If this song is reminiscing about the 60's then the verbs should be in the past tense (in the first part), then work up to the present. The poem is just a poem about 50 years of racial and social injustice. As a theme for a song, it is missing the musicality.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Thank you, fayesh, for your review and comments. I wrote in the present tense to increase the immediacy and decrease the distance of what happened to me in the shop. I am glad you like the metaphor of the spinning records because it represents racial and social injustice repeating like a skip in a record. Thanks again.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Excellent and very scary poem! How people figure things are more important than lives I don't understand and I hope I never understand! I didn't see any errors. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Excellent and very scary poem! How people figure things are more important than lives I don't understand and I hope I never understand! I didn't see any errors. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Kathleen, for your review and for wishing me good luck in the contest. No, I don't understand how people figure things are more important than lives.
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You're welcome :-)
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Record of Life", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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"Record of Life", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Duchess, for your enthusiastic review. It is always an honor and I look forward to you reviewing my next post.
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Dear Anon, you're more than welcome.
Best wishes, take care and bless you,
the Duchess
Comment from Cybertron1986
Loved it. I love the inclusion of societal events which added to the history of our nation over time. The rhyme scheme is quite catchy. Brought back timeless memories of me playing records as a kid on my dad's record player. I miss that. It's always great to run into creative pieces such as this, which creatively expresses the genuine feels of a historic era in music. Beautiful!
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Loved it. I love the inclusion of societal events which added to the history of our nation over time. The rhyme scheme is quite catchy. Brought back timeless memories of me playing records as a kid on my dad's record player. I miss that. It's always great to run into creative pieces such as this, which creatively expresses the genuine feels of a historic era in music. Beautiful!
Comment Written 08-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Yes, Cybertron1986, what made this song is that I included details of the period, everything from the smell of vinyl records to the joy of buying them. Add to this the horrible incident in the secondhand shop and I give a balanced image of the time.
Thank you for your review. I am glad you found this to be a creative piece.
Comment from Sallyo
Well... it works for me! I remember that period, and record shops, very well although my Tasmanian experience was different. I like the refrain and the way the story unfolds. The lyrics would work well supported by riffs and bridges. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Well... it works for me! I remember that period, and record shops, very well although my Tasmanian experience was different. I like the refrain and the way the story unfolds. The lyrics would work well supported by riffs and bridges. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Sallyo, for your encouraging review. I got teary eyed writing this song as I recall my love for records and their music.
Comment from Liberty Justice
Six stars for you dear poet. You did amazing job telling your story in prose poem style. Your rhymes flow with the struggles and joys of life as you travelled and experienced many biases. AFTER contest tell me who you are. You got my nod.WELL DONE! Check mine out also. liberty justice
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Six stars for you dear poet. You did amazing job telling your story in prose poem style. Your rhymes flow with the struggles and joys of life as you travelled and experienced many biases. AFTER contest tell me who you are. You got my nod.WELL DONE! Check mine out also. liberty justice
Comment Written 08-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Liberty Justice, for your ringing, six star review. I created an autobiographical story and song in rhyme, including both my joys and struggles during that period, and how decades later I revisited the now shuttered shop. Thanks again.
