A Long Day Trip
102 words flash fiction17 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a horrible day. He could try to find something sharp to pierce the cactus to get water. He could also rest during the day and walk at night to find more water filled cactus. Are you implying it was a poisonous snake that bit him.
Congratulations of placing third in the contest.
dp
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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This is a horrible day. He could try to find something sharp to pierce the cactus to get water. He could also rest during the day and walk at night to find more water filled cactus. Are you implying it was a poisonous snake that bit him.
Congratulations of placing third in the contest.
dp
Comment Written 28-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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Yes a poisonous fellow. Poor guy. Thanks for reading and your good wishes.
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You're welcome on both accounts. He could have a snake bite kit in his car, if he thought ahead, just to be positive.
dp
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent little flash fiction. I know from living in California that the desert and the mountains have multitudes of snakes. Written well and the danger of these creatures is not overstated. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Excellent little flash fiction. I know from living in California that the desert and the mountains have multitudes of snakes. Written well and the danger of these creatures is not overstated. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Thanks so much for reading and your valued review.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh no! No struggle to survive? He's too calm and forgiving and surrenders too quickly! At least, he could just eat the snake for revenge. Or perhaps he's just wise to let go. I still think he should fight a little.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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Oh no! No struggle to survive? He's too calm and forgiving and surrenders too quickly! At least, he could just eat the snake for revenge. Or perhaps he's just wise to let go. I still think he should fight a little.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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Lol. I guess in 100 words, one can't put up much a fight. Thanks so much for reading and feeling sorry for poor old Bill.
Comment from MizKat
Hi frogbook,
The short story you've written was interesting to read. I'm getting so forgetful lately that it's hard for me to read things now. I hope I can
keep reading your work for awhile as it's always so good.
Kat
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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Hi frogbook,
The short story you've written was interesting to read. I'm getting so forgetful lately that it's hard for me to read things now. I hope I can
keep reading your work for awhile as it's always so good.
Kat
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
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Thanks so much my dear little friend
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You are very welcome. Kat
Comment from Joy Graham
You have a good story in 100 words here. Good descriptions of the scene. You bring out great emotions. I'm terrified of snakes and can't imagine what it would be like to get a snake bite in the middle of nowhere with no hope for help to save my life. Yikes! Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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You have a good story in 100 words here. Good descriptions of the scene. You bring out great emotions. I'm terrified of snakes and can't imagine what it would be like to get a snake bite in the middle of nowhere with no hope for help to save my life. Yikes! Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thanks so much. I guess you won't be writing one of your clever little poem/somgs about snakes any time soon-LOl
Comment from Bill Schott
This hundred-word story, A Long Day Trip, sure depicts what has to be the worse day in a person's life. This brief story captures the emotional downturn that leads to an escape from the scene of an argument, the untimely failing of the car's radiator, and the unlucky meeting of man and beast. If I try a bit, I can wrest a vision of Genesis and mankind's expulsion to somewhere East of Eden. The story may be bigger than it looks.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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This hundred-word story, A Long Day Trip, sure depicts what has to be the worse day in a person's life. This brief story captures the emotional downturn that leads to an escape from the scene of an argument, the untimely failing of the car's radiator, and the unlucky meeting of man and beast. If I try a bit, I can wrest a vision of Genesis and mankind's expulsion to somewhere East of Eden. The story may be bigger than it looks.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thanks, Bill for this illuminating review. Who knew-haha. Really appreciate you taking a look.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
My, this is short, sharp and to the point -
for me the ending is quite chilling - what
a terrible way to go.
you did well portraying what a hell of a day he started with
and the worse end possible.
I couldn't cope with flash fiction, I have too much to say in my stories.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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My, this is short, sharp and to the point -
for me the ending is quite chilling - what
a terrible way to go.
you did well portraying what a hell of a day he started with
and the worse end possible.
I couldn't cope with flash fiction, I have too much to say in my stories.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thanks so much Margaret. I love the flash fiction-maybe a short attention span issue-haha. I wish I could pour out a great novel like you do. I seem to lose momentum in the middle.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Terrific job on this 100 Word Flash Fiction write, JoAnn!
Crystal clear beginning, middle and end in a mere 100 words. Not an easy feat, but you mastered it with this story! I wouldn't change a thing! Perfection!
Best wishes in the contest with this winner of an entry. ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Terrific job on this 100 Word Flash Fiction write, JoAnn!
Crystal clear beginning, middle and end in a mere 100 words. Not an easy feat, but you mastered it with this story! I wouldn't change a thing! Perfection!
Best wishes in the contest with this winner of an entry. ~~ Connie
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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You are too kind, my friend. Thanks so much for your very generous review. I am so pleased that you thought it went along well.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written hundred word flash fiction. Sometimes a decision in a moment of distress can lead us to dangerous situations where there is no way to escape from.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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A very well-written hundred word flash fiction. Sometimes a decision in a moment of distress can lead us to dangerous situations where there is no way to escape from.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thanks so much, Sandra. Appreciate your thoughtful review.
Comment from Bucketlist
YOWSER! I'm glad it's fiction! That's why I'm a townie! I enjoyed your desciptions and the images they produced. Grammatically I found no fault.i wish yo luck in the contest
Hugs Trisha
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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YOWSER! I'm glad it's fiction! That's why I'm a townie! I enjoyed your desciptions and the images they produced. Grammatically I found no fault.i wish yo luck in the contest
Hugs Trisha
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Haha. Thanks much.
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You are welcome!
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You are welcome!
