Reviews from

Haiku Club Challenges, Book II

Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "summer love on beach (haiku)"
an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets

85 total reviews 
Comment from Gert sherwood
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Hello Sis Cat
I like what you did with your haiku using the movie
From Here to Eternity with the love scene on the beach
along with Sinatra's song how it cleverly connects with your last line
of your haiku.

Gert

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, Gert, for your cheerful review of my Haiku. I had forgotten that Sinatra had won a best supporting Oscar for From Here to Eternity. I must watch the film again!
reply by Gert sherwood on 13-Jul-2017
    You are welcome Sis Cat

    Gert
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
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Hi Andre, I have to review this as, not only is this a very good, and amusing haiku, with lines one and two interconnecting and your line three is a good and amusing satori, but also because I adore Burt Lancaster, LOL. Well done. Regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 13-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, Dorothy, for your review of my amusing Haiku. Yes, Burt was great in that film!
Comment from Grasshopper2
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Andre,
The beach right now where I am is hot, humid, and sand fleas are biting. Your satori sums up the situation with a vivid image. One nit is line one. It is guilty of missing the word "the." I believe that is called Tontoism. But, you know that so it is intentional. I enjoyed the haiku.

Michael

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Michael, for your review--the last anyone gave this poem before the certificate expired. I am glad you enjoyed my haiku. Others have noted the omission of "the," too.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
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You never think of being uncomfortable when you are in the throws of passion and embrace, single minded in the romance and love masks everything else, true words here, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Dolly, for your review of my poem about love masking everything else.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
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LOL!! That is so very funny and so clever. It puts a new light onto courting on the beach! This will be a wonderful addition to the multi-author book, very well done, my friend. :) Sandra. xx

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, Sandra, for your review of my funny and clever poem. I am glad it made you LOL. Thank you also for wishing is addition to the multi-author book.
Comment from Monz1
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Honest truth! Not always as romantic as it may seem, ha ha. Well written, concise theme in a mere few words, image well complements your poem too, cheers

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, Monz1, for your review of my poem which told the honest truth. I am glad you found it well-written.
Comment from giraffmang
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Hi Andre,

This is a great little haiku. Very amusing and gives an indelible image...lol

Works on a couple of levels here, but the literal is my favourite.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Oh, thank you, G., for your review of my poem. I am glad it worked for your on many levels. Thanks for wishing me all the best. I wish the same to you, too.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
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Very eloquent yet tastefully written.
I can safely say that many will vouch for the authenticity of these words.
Sand acts as though a shape sifter and can be many places at one time.
Clever word use and image complements well.
:-) Shirley

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Shirley, for your review of my gritty, shape-shifting poem.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
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Hi, Sis Cat

= Love this! Great song you chose to go with it as well.
= Between the sun and sand, I hated the beach when growing up in California.
= Nope--give me a good boo and life is good.
= Well penned and presented. A joy to read.

<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers <> Jax / Jackie

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Jax, for your review. I grew up in California, too, and hated the sand going everywhere it shouldn't.
Comment from Oatmeal
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Sis Cat,

The theme is strong. Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. The flow is smooth. Well chosen words are excellent. Thoughts are described well.

The only thing I would do is put the word "the" or "a" before your word "beach.
This would smooth it out.

I look forward to seeing you again.

Love you,

Oatmeal

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2017

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Oatmeal, for your generous review of my poem. Since you are the third reviewer who suggested that I need an article before "Beach," I am now adding "a." Given that my satori as three syllables, I can still add "a" to the opening line and still maintain my haiku of seventeen syllables or less. Thank you for convincing me of this change.