Was I the Child You Lost?
Before my birth.68 total reviews
Comment from Heather Knight
This poem is beautifully tragic. You're trying to come to terms with your mother's feelings:
You wished your body would become my hearse.
Tough words indeed.
I see both your parents were very artistic.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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This poem is beautifully tragic. You're trying to come to terms with your mother's feelings:
You wished your body would become my hearse.
Tough words indeed.
I see both your parents were very artistic.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Yes, Maria, both of my parents were artistic. My father created the sculptures while my mother wrote poems as artist statements. My father documented this in a ledger I inherited from him. Given that her previous baby miscarried causing my mother to end up in a psych ward, she channeled her anxieties to poetry when she was pregnant with me.
Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
My heart goes out to your mother. How horrifying. I do understand and have empathy. I lost a baby too. Only mine wasn't still born but died in open heart surgery.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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My heart goes out to your mother. How horrifying. I do understand and have empathy. I lost a baby too. Only mine wasn't still born but died in open heart surgery.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes, Barbara, the trauma a woman experiences when she loses a child is horrendous. My mother ended up in a psychiatric ward after her miscarriage. She focused her anxieties on writing the poem which inspired me. Thank you for your review and compassionate concerns.
Comment from catch22
Hi SC, this is a lovely and soulful sonnet with excellent rhymes and meter. I would have sixed this, except the following line does not make sense to me and the rhyme felt forced (likely due to the reversed syntax of bereft):
you craved the beat of tiny feet bereft.
I thought overall, the use of multisyllabic words was skillfuly done and the meter was expertly handled. A very emotional subject, no doubt. Miscarriage can take a tremendous toll on a woman, especially when it happens later in her term. My heart goes out to you and your family.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi SC, this is a lovely and soulful sonnet with excellent rhymes and meter. I would have sixed this, except the following line does not make sense to me and the rhyme felt forced (likely due to the reversed syntax of bereft):
you craved the beat of tiny feet bereft.
I thought overall, the use of multisyllabic words was skillfuly done and the meter was expertly handled. A very emotional subject, no doubt. Miscarriage can take a tremendous toll on a woman, especially when it happens later in her term. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Catch22, for your review and suggestion about that line.
The miscarriage took such a heavy toll on my mother that she landed in a psych ward and never told her children about it. We only learned about it after her death when we found our parents' papers.
Once again, thank you for your review.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Poem! The author's words were heart felt, brave, strong and thought
provoking. The reader pondered on the words of this poem. Thank you for the
author's notes the poem became so clear. The artwork compliments both the words and theme of this poem.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Excellent Poem! The author's words were heart felt, brave, strong and thought
provoking. The reader pondered on the words of this poem. Thank you for the
author's notes the poem became so clear. The artwork compliments both the words and theme of this poem.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Thank you, harmony13, for your review. My father a potter created the "Woe is Me!" sculpture while my mother created the poem for it as the artist statement. My poem complimented both works. Aside from the four weeks I spent writing this, one of the hardest things I achieved was limited my author's notes to one hundred-and-seven words--the same length as my poem. Thanks.
Comment from c_lucas
Avarice and greed
Makes one think
only of themselves
No thoughts of the innocent party.
***
One need not condemn the innocents for their own sins. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Avarice and greed
Makes one think
only of themselves
No thoughts of the innocent party.
***
One need not condemn the innocents for their own sins. This is very well written.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, C_lucas, for your thoughtful review and comments on the innocents.
Comment from robyn corum
"Unworthy web of pain," objects your voice.
You wished your body would become my hearse.
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Wow. Andre. This is powerful stuff. I can't imagine the joy-- and the pain-- you may be experiencing as you travel your mother's life and thoughts going through her book of poems. I imagine it could be some life-changing stuff in there. Just remember that you ARE special. I'm glad you're here. *smile* BIG hugs--
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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"Unworthy web of pain," objects your voice.
You wished your body would become my hearse.
***
Wow. Andre. This is powerful stuff. I can't imagine the joy-- and the pain-- you may be experiencing as you travel your mother's life and thoughts going through her book of poems. I imagine it could be some life-changing stuff in there. Just remember that you ARE special. I'm glad you're here. *smile* BIG hugs--
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Robyn, for your comfort and encouragement and also for your review. Yes, lots of things go through my mind as I read my mother's writings about her dread of childbirth and resentment of babies as a result from a childhood pelvic injury by a baseball in which her doctors predicted she may never have children and may require an operation. Her miscarriage five years before I was born caused her anxieties to resurface and she ended up in a psych ward. Five years later, she focused her anxieties creatively when pregnant with me. Thank you for your compassionate review.
Comment from jlsavell
Sis Cat,
When you write of your life, your feelings, it is so very moving. Quite emotional. Loss of a child at any given time sets one on an unimaginable roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes reasoning appears to be unclear or out of sync with humanity, but it is the humanness in us that strives to survive loss whether by words or actions. Love your work. The sculpture is beautiful too!!
Jimi
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Sis Cat,
When you write of your life, your feelings, it is so very moving. Quite emotional. Loss of a child at any given time sets one on an unimaginable roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes reasoning appears to be unclear or out of sync with humanity, but it is the humanness in us that strives to survive loss whether by words or actions. Love your work. The sculpture is beautiful too!!
Jimi
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Jimi, for your generous review. My father would have been proud that you called his sculpture beautiful, too. My parents dug into their personal experience and anxieties over the loss of a child in order to create the "Woe is Me!" sculpture and poem that inspired me. Thanks again.
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Your parents were quite the cerebral artisans. I love to hear about them. You have captured their passions and talent quite well within the immense talent you have inherited.
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Yes, Jimi. I inherited a lot of talent from my parents.Thanks again.
Andre
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Andre, When I read your work I can't help but feel things usually quite deep. As a woman the images invoked here make me weep with pain. It would be something unusual indeed to wish a child dead even if it were from rape, but to miscarry well that's something else again. Are you the child literally, I believe in that kind of thing. Exquisite writing my friend. Deeply emotional and the honesty of this one is humbling. xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hello Andre, When I read your work I can't help but feel things usually quite deep. As a woman the images invoked here make me weep with pain. It would be something unusual indeed to wish a child dead even if it were from rape, but to miscarry well that's something else again. Are you the child literally, I believe in that kind of thing. Exquisite writing my friend. Deeply emotional and the honesty of this one is humbling. xoxo deborah
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Kiwigirl, for your review which acknowledges the depth and honesty of my poem. Given that my parents created the "Woe is Me!" sculpture and poem the year I was born and they address the unborn child, I wonder if I was literally the child, or if that dead child was in a parallel universe or a previous time in the event my mother's pregnancy ended in a miscariage like the previous one. Thank you for your review.
Comment from rama devi
Amazing work, my friend. Deep and poignant. How wonderful you have artistic genes from both sides (obviously inherited talents!)
I love the emphatic overtone of this. It's got superb rhymes and phonetics, fine flow and near-flawless meter. Outstanding internal rhymes as well. Superb subtle alliteration. Especially applaud this lines:
unhallowed tomb to cradle all your woes?
Hearse and verse make an awesome rhyme pair.
Outstanding stanza with rhymes and meaning:
O mother, brother Terry found you wrote
that germ miscarried when your husband left.
Entrapped within a psychiatric moat,
you craved the beat of tiny feet bereft.
Beautiful closing note, but I think the meter is forced in the closing line:
O Mom, each poem brings forgiving hope
to inspire rhymes and runes that help me cope.
Suggestion for your kind consideration:
O Mom, each poem brings forgiving hope
inspiring rhymes and runes that help me cope.
Since this is almost a six, I'm giving you one anyway, hoping you edit the last line somehow or another.
Touching write.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Amazing work, my friend. Deep and poignant. How wonderful you have artistic genes from both sides (obviously inherited talents!)
I love the emphatic overtone of this. It's got superb rhymes and phonetics, fine flow and near-flawless meter. Outstanding internal rhymes as well. Superb subtle alliteration. Especially applaud this lines:
unhallowed tomb to cradle all your woes?
Hearse and verse make an awesome rhyme pair.
Outstanding stanza with rhymes and meaning:
O mother, brother Terry found you wrote
that germ miscarried when your husband left.
Entrapped within a psychiatric moat,
you craved the beat of tiny feet bereft.
Beautiful closing note, but I think the meter is forced in the closing line:
O Mom, each poem brings forgiving hope
to inspire rhymes and runes that help me cope.
Suggestion for your kind consideration:
O Mom, each poem brings forgiving hope
inspiring rhymes and runes that help me cope.
Since this is almost a six, I'm giving you one anyway, hoping you edit the last line somehow or another.
Touching write.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, Rama, for your generous, and thorough six star review. You are the second reviewer to point out the weakness of the forced final line. I like and adopted you suggested edit to smooth out my final line in my touching write.
Once again, thank you for your analysis, support, and edit.
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Yay! So glad to be of help and to witness your work getting polished to its high potential.
Warm Smiles, rd
Comment from bookishfabler
Wow, that is intense. The sculpture is way awesome. I had three miscarriages, I can relate, but now I just have two four legged babies. So sorry. It is an aweful theng to go through.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Wow, that is intense. The sculpture is way awesome. I had three miscarriages, I can relate, but now I just have two four legged babies. So sorry. It is an aweful theng to go through.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes, Heidi, a miscarriage is an awful thing to go through. I was stunned to tears when my brother discovered her account of a miscarriage and stay at a psych ward because of it. She never told us either.
Thank you for your review and for finding my father's sculpture awesome. He would be proud.
