One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Reality Strikes"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
38 total reviews
Comment from XGoneX
Hello,
I'm glad I read this chapter. Loved the writing and the strong, realistic scene. I was there. I don't know much about Borderline Personality Disorder, but I'll google about it later. I have Attention deficit disorder, yet I write fantasy, go figure :)
I'm looking forward to read more.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2017
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Hello,
I'm glad I read this chapter. Loved the writing and the strong, realistic scene. I was there. I don't know much about Borderline Personality Disorder, but I'll google about it later. I have Attention deficit disorder, yet I write fantasy, go figure :)
I'm looking forward to read more.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2017
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your comments and warm words of encouragement. The definitions of BPD online are pretty good. I, like my character, suffer from it-but I never had the added complication of addiction.
~patty~
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
It looks like Gary is starting to get a better understanding of what his disorder actually looks like. He was ignoring his own symptoms, and is having it thrust in his face.
His doctor is a very understanding person, who is trying to help him take responsibility for his own actions so he can start to get well.
Great insight into the manifestations of the disorders.
Well written,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2017
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It looks like Gary is starting to get a better understanding of what his disorder actually looks like. He was ignoring his own symptoms, and is having it thrust in his face.
His doctor is a very understanding person, who is trying to help him take responsibility for his own actions so he can start to get well.
Great insight into the manifestations of the disorders.
Well written,
Rhonda
Comment Written 05-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and encouragement. Portraying the healing process is important to me, and I'm glad you can see his progress,
~patty~
Comment from sheena121
Interesting, well written and well researched, the kind of story you don't get to read about often. keep up the good work look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2017
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Interesting, well written and well researched, the kind of story you don't get to read about often. keep up the good work look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate the stars and your encouraging remarks,
~patty~
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you're welcome
Comment from megsiew
This is so good! I haven't read any other parts, but just with the basic background, I had no problem following. It's written well enough to be it's own standalone story. The dialogue was realistic and the narration was perfect. I'm envious of your talent!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2017
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This is so good! I haven't read any other parts, but just with the basic background, I had no problem following. It's written well enough to be it's own standalone story. The dialogue was realistic and the narration was perfect. I'm envious of your talent!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I truly appreciate your positive feedback,
~patty~
Comment from Teresa Williams
Your chapter is very well written. It catches the imagination and keeps it til the very end. Expressed well, described colorfully; I would say you have a real hit, here! Be encouraged; you are definitely good at your craft; you make it look easy! --Teresa Williams
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Your chapter is very well written. It catches the imagination and keeps it til the very end. Expressed well, described colorfully; I would say you have a real hit, here! Be encouraged; you are definitely good at your craft; you make it look easy! --Teresa Williams
Comment Written 04-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful review. I appreciate your comments and encouragement; the six stars are just a wonderful affirmation for my work,
~patty~
Comment from apky
Another excellent chapter, patty.
We as readers get inside Gary's heand and
experience his tormented psyche/soul with
him. I think I already told you about my own
experience with Bipolar disorders - scary condition.
Well done!
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Another excellent chapter, patty.
We as readers get inside Gary's heand and
experience his tormented psyche/soul with
him. I think I already told you about my own
experience with Bipolar disorders - scary condition.
Well done!
Comment Written 04-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your comments and encouragement.
~patty~
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Mustangpatty1029,
Nice piece of fiction having smooth and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end; the end motivates the reader to wait for the next part - a good strategy!
Phraseology is impressive, and perfectly matching the theme.
Description of scenes at the Rehabilitation Center, and Gary's character is especially noteworthy.
It's just like an interesting journey upward, and stops at a place to relax and restart expecting something more interesting.
Excellent!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Hello Mustangpatty1029,
Nice piece of fiction having smooth and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end; the end motivates the reader to wait for the next part - a good strategy!
Phraseology is impressive, and perfectly matching the theme.
Description of scenes at the Rehabilitation Center, and Gary's character is especially noteworthy.
It's just like an interesting journey upward, and stops at a place to relax and restart expecting something more interesting.
Excellent!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. Your thoughtful and concise remarks made my day. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I hope you will join me for the next chapter. The wonderful six stars are an incentive for me to keep writing,
~patty~
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Hi Patty,
Of course, I'm waiting for the next chapter. Keep writing!
With best wishes,
~RP
Comment from Heidi M
That was an intense scene in the cafeteria. I'd be with Gary, ducking down. How interesting that it was the one patient with whom Gary had identified that acted out. You described it well and it was easy to visualize.
One suggestion:
Your tense changed from past to present in a couple places. Here is one example:
'From the corner of his eye, Gary saw two of the larger male nurses quietly enter the cafeteria. Everyone is frozen in place except Chad. He becomes more and more agitated. He flings his tray across the room.'
Here would be my suggestion to make it consistent:
'From the corner of his eye, Gary saw two of the larger male nurses quietly enter the cafeteria. Everyone (was) frozen in place except Chad. He (became) more and more agitated (and flung) his tray across the room.'
Dr. Wilbert (called) to Chad
Gary (was) shaken up and (retreated)...(realized)
I thought the 'Colonel's Log, Psych Date' was clever.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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That was an intense scene in the cafeteria. I'd be with Gary, ducking down. How interesting that it was the one patient with whom Gary had identified that acted out. You described it well and it was easy to visualize.
One suggestion:
Your tense changed from past to present in a couple places. Here is one example:
'From the corner of his eye, Gary saw two of the larger male nurses quietly enter the cafeteria. Everyone is frozen in place except Chad. He becomes more and more agitated. He flings his tray across the room.'
Here would be my suggestion to make it consistent:
'From the corner of his eye, Gary saw two of the larger male nurses quietly enter the cafeteria. Everyone (was) frozen in place except Chad. He (became) more and more agitated (and flung) his tray across the room.'
Dr. Wilbert (called) to Chad
Gary (was) shaken up and (retreated)...(realized)
I thought the 'Colonel's Log, Psych Date' was clever.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Hi Heidi; Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your comments and suggestions for edit. I will work to clean up the tense issues. Thanks for the comment about the 'Colonel's Log.' I thought it was really funny.
~patty~
Comment from kriver
Hi Patty,
This is a good descriptive chapter.
It adds to the tension of
the story in a good way.
I am wondering how your going to end
the story with only one more chapter
Over all it is a good chapter
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Hi Patty,
This is a good descriptive chapter.
It adds to the tension of
the story in a good way.
I am wondering how your going to end
the story with only one more chapter
Over all it is a good chapter
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I think you will enjoy the last chapter. I will revisit this story and expand on the chapters, and turn it into a true book length project over the next year.
~patty~
Comment from dweigt
Good work! I especially like how you show Gary's rationalization of his own behavior, and inability to recognize or admit domestic violence. Your dialogue has a natural flow, and seems authentic. I also liked the vivid description of Chad's outburst.
I have two minor issues. First, Chad is subdued by a hypodermic in the neck. Is this realistic? I have seen similar scenes in movies and TV, but are the drugs really that fast acting? Or would Chad have to be restrained, then given the shot, and go limp a few seconds later?
Also, you shift between past and present tense. Is this deliberate, trying to give more immediacy to the scene in the cafeteria? But the therapy session is past tense, mostly, but this sentence is not: Consulting his notes, Roger looks closely at Gary.
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Good work! I especially like how you show Gary's rationalization of his own behavior, and inability to recognize or admit domestic violence. Your dialogue has a natural flow, and seems authentic. I also liked the vivid description of Chad's outburst.
I have two minor issues. First, Chad is subdued by a hypodermic in the neck. Is this realistic? I have seen similar scenes in movies and TV, but are the drugs really that fast acting? Or would Chad have to be restrained, then given the shot, and go limp a few seconds later?
Also, you shift between past and present tense. Is this deliberate, trying to give more immediacy to the scene in the cafeteria? But the therapy session is past tense, mostly, but this sentence is not: Consulting his notes, Roger looks closely at Gary.
Keep writing!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and concise review. The scene in the cafeteria is one that I experienced within the last year on a mental ward. The drug did indeed work that fast. I apologize for the changes in tense - it was not intentional, but my issues with editing. I appreciate your time,
~patty~
