Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 437 "On Powdered Path"Small and Specialty Poems
13 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Snow's ability to twinkle in the light delights us on these cold wintery days and brings a lightheartedness to our cold experience. I loved the repetitive lines that sparkled throughout the poem, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Snow's ability to twinkle in the light delights us on these cold wintery days and brings a lightheartedness to our cold experience. I loved the repetitive lines that sparkled throughout the poem, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you Dolly. Then I have acomplished my goal. Thank you for such wonderful feedback.
Comment from sunnilicious
Nice photographic choice. Enjoyable poem to read. It came out very pretty. The repetition words, alliterations and pondering work together beautifully. Well thought out and exceptionally written. Great author notes.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Nice photographic choice. Enjoyable poem to read. It came out very pretty. The repetition words, alliterations and pondering work together beautifully. Well thought out and exceptionally written. Great author notes.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for you excellent detailed review.
Comment from His Grayness
Having never experienced this form of poetry, I must first give thanks to this fine author for the lesson and excellent example of such works. The packaging here was quite well done and overall, the reading experience well deserved six stars and I'm sorry to be short of them at this point. I cannot offer anything to improve this work and thanks again for a great learning experience! HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Having never experienced this form of poetry, I must first give thanks to this fine author for the lesson and excellent example of such works. The packaging here was quite well done and overall, the reading experience well deserved six stars and I'm sorry to be short of them at this point. I cannot offer anything to improve this work and thanks again for a great learning experience! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you Vance. You comments are as good as an actual six in my book.
Comment from Pantygynt
The four syllable refrain reminds me of the rondeau In Flanders Fields, but of course there the similarity ends. It strikes me that there are rules for rules' sake here, and I don't really feel that the poem gains anything from the "with twinkling snow" repeat on the second line. The tumble to line 3 in S2 is another matter and I would have prefered it to tumble into the fourth line of the third stanza. It is as if the originator wrote a poem and then dreamed up a set of rules to match what he had written. Nevertheless i think this a valiant effort to create a silk purse from a set of rules that are a bit of a sow's ear. Hence the five stars.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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The four syllable refrain reminds me of the rondeau In Flanders Fields, but of course there the similarity ends. It strikes me that there are rules for rules' sake here, and I don't really feel that the poem gains anything from the "with twinkling snow" repeat on the second line. The tumble to line 3 in S2 is another matter and I would have prefered it to tumble into the fourth line of the third stanza. It is as if the originator wrote a poem and then dreamed up a set of rules to match what he had written. Nevertheless i think this a valiant effort to create a silk purse from a set of rules that are a bit of a sow's ear. Hence the five stars.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you Pantygynt. I totally agree, in fact, I originally wrote that second line as "a burst of soarkling highlights show," but then when I reread the rules, I was forced to rewrite L2. The writter in the example I got, did a better job with it. Here are are her first two lines:
The Will by by Judi Van Gorder
---------------I read of love, undying love,
what does that mean, undying love?
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I guess we all know what sparkling snow looks like but need to be reminded on the subject of undying love.
I am glad you agree with me though.
Comment from tfawcus
You've done it again! You seem to have an unending supply of unusual verse forms! I'm not sure that the repetition in this one did a great deal for me. I may have been thrown by the exact repetition of "with twinkling snow" in L1 and L2. Was that a mistake perhaps?
I liked the relaxed feel of the last lines, as you "saunter in this silent scene
on powdered path. "
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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You've done it again! You seem to have an unending supply of unusual verse forms! I'm not sure that the repetition in this one did a great deal for me. I may have been thrown by the exact repetition of "with twinkling snow" in L1 and L2. Was that a mistake perhaps?
I liked the relaxed feel of the last lines, as you "saunter in this silent scene
on powdered path. "
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you Tony. Yes, that was a requirement that I wasnt enamored with much myself, but it was a requirement.
Comment from ciliverde
This is an interesting and complex form, Tom - from what I can tell you've done it well. I like the subject matter, that being a walk in winter snow which is something I love to do.
I almost wonder, in the first two lines if you could use "in" instead of "with".
On winter walks, in twinkling snow,
are sparkling bursts in twinkling snow,
Just a thought - in might work better with L2?
But as for the winter scene - that crisp and pure arctic air, the powdered path, the cleanness of everything. It recalls my winter walks at Christmastime in Montana - what a treat that was! Great job,
Carol
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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This is an interesting and complex form, Tom - from what I can tell you've done it well. I like the subject matter, that being a walk in winter snow which is something I love to do.
I almost wonder, in the first two lines if you could use "in" instead of "with".
On winter walks, in twinkling snow,
are sparkling bursts in twinkling snow,
Just a thought - in might work better with L2?
But as for the winter scene - that crisp and pure arctic air, the powdered path, the cleanness of everything. It recalls my winter walks at Christmastime in Montana - what a treat that was! Great job,
Carol
Comment Written 14-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Hi Carol. I like you suggestion. You are right. I was going for the consonance of the W in twinkling with the alliterations of winter, walk, and with. Prbably overthought it.
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Sometimes we can overdo it with alliteration. I have to back off from it myself here and there.
Comment from kiwisteveh
A very odd form, especially the repetition in lines 1&2 I see you have also added (accidentally perhaps) an extra rhyme in stanza 2, making it bxxb
Meter is strong, except for 'effervescence' where I stumbled. I also liked the abundant alliteration.
The snowy scene is vividly depicted and the refrain keeps that in the forefront of the reader's mind.
Steve
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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A very odd form, especially the repetition in lines 1&2 I see you have also added (accidentally perhaps) an extra rhyme in stanza 2, making it bxxb
Meter is strong, except for 'effervescence' where I stumbled. I also liked the abundant alliteration.
The snowy scene is vividly depicted and the refrain keeps that in the forefront of the reader's mind.
Steve
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank ps Steve. I have a look at that.
Comment from winnona
a well-written poem. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Your photo and background color completed the piece well.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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a well-written poem. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader. Your photo and background color completed the piece well.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank You very much Winnona.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
WOW! Where do you find all of these simply stunning styles? I loved this and it reads so much more eloquently than the repetitive forms I usually see here. This is another I will have to attempt when I get brave enough. The rhyme and meter on this are superb and it reads heavenly aloud. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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WOW! Where do you find all of these simply stunning styles? I loved this and it reads so much more eloquently than the repetitive forms I usually see here. This is another I will have to attempt when I get brave enough. The rhyme and meter on this are superb and it reads heavenly aloud. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Thank you very much Mystic Angel, i find them out on the internet. For example, wikipedia has all sorts of good info on poetry. If you look up Sonnet, they give you many types. Also the are other poetry sites like Poetry Soup, shaddow Poetry, amd Poetry Magus Opus. I started on our own site's Poetry Dance tab. Sometimes, I find them by reviewing one here, or through a contest.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author first time I have read a Baccresieze format I love the way you describe a diamond powered path, which I see so many times in Vermont
Thank you for sharing
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Hello author first time I have read a Baccresieze format I love the way you describe a diamond powered path, which I see so many times in Vermont
Thank you for sharing
Gert
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Thank you Gert. Yes, Vermont has some lovely vistas and good skiing. I got out there when I lived on Long Island.
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Smiles to you Treischel
