Chilled Apples (Warning!)
a free verse contest entry16 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Did you want 'and they found her' or 'when they found her'?
Wow what an undertaking you did and accompolished it very well. Stylish and yet very well understood. My hats off to you...very well done
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Did you want 'and they found her' or 'when they found her'?
Wow what an undertaking you did and accompolished it very well. Stylish and yet very well understood. My hats off to you...very well done
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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I want it as I have it, but thank you (!!) because your question made me realize there should be a comma after "her". Here's why the distinction is important- so the reader knows she's dead. She can't 'know' if she is dead, so "when" wouldn't work, yes?
Thanks so much, Barb- I think I am going to add some notes, though...
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Yes you are right and when you said that it makes perfect sense.
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Oh good! Thank you! Now, if I could impose, I have added the notes, and I'd love your opinion...(since this is a contest, I'm a little hesitant to 'expose' my intentions so boldly...)
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OH yes it makes it perfect. It gives the whole piece reason and to me, even strengthens it.
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Oh, that's great! THANK you!!!
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I am a true admirer of what you do and how you do it
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Right back attcha, woman. :))
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a solid example of what free verse is all about. The message is sobering, but timely and packed with social relevance. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a solid example of what free verse is all about. The message is sobering, but timely and packed with social relevance. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
Comment from padumachitta
hi
I had to give this a six...it is chilling. I knew where it was going and still had to read until the end...
the music sent my hair opn end.
more to say? I do not think so.
padumachitta
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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hi
I had to give this a six...it is chilling. I knew where it was going and still had to read until the end...
the music sent my hair opn end.
more to say? I do not think so.
padumachitta
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Oh my - I added notes because it freaked some folks out ("why I write what I write"), but you, my friend, know.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Comment from DR DIP
Whoa dawn that is some pretty heavy stuff goin' down there so Daddy ends up being an "incestual" child molester that is disturbing stuff in this write to say the least. Good work but
dip
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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Whoa dawn that is some pretty heavy stuff goin' down there so Daddy ends up being an "incestual" child molester that is disturbing stuff in this write to say the least. Good work but
dip
Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
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I know, dear man - here's the thing - you haven't been reading my stories, book chapters and poetry for long, but I try to write in all genres, about anything and everything, and I frequently address social issues with my poetry. (Not only the homeless man, but the family that's forced to live in a van in winter because rents are too high. Not just the kid who is bullied, but the child who IS a bully and how he or she got that way, and so on...the observance of humanity/human behaviour.
Life is about perception, Dip, and it's that view that determines how society behaves, whether or not we really understand brotherly love, and the fact that we are all just struggling to make it to the journey's end as unscathed as possible.
We can't do that living in a bubble.
That's not to say that everything I write is "heavy"; I need a break sometimes too. But I also write crime/thriller/horror. One of my novels, for example, sees a family slaughtered right at the beginning. Another is of a sweet teenager, vacationing with her mother who gets raped by a local islander.
My poems help me flex that literary muscle, and hopefully serve their purpose too, individually.
But I did warn you...(*smile*). Hugs, Dawn
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Don't get me wrong Dawn I love the fact you approach all these issues through your writing and poetry you have a real talent for observation and reality. I will read with interest
dip
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Well, I am SO glad to hear that you won't desert me! Thank you!!! I actually added what I wrote to you as notes - you were not the only one freaked out. But the tough topics, kept in the dark, get a chance to flourish, IMO - the more we understand of human nature, the more chance for compassion, yes? And isn't that what we need more of, really? Teen and even pre-teen suicide is at an all-time high in Canada these days. I shudder to think about kids living on the streets, too (because they prefer it to living at home - some even get kicked out). A screwy legal system is to blame, IMO...golly, I do have a lot of opinions, don't I...HAHAAHA! Opinionated woman. Stubborn too. :))
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just how i like my women..ballsy and opinated with their finger on my pulse lol
keep them coming..i was kidding about the heavy nothing shocks me in this world i have seen it all fortunately i came from a good upbringing
and have been fortunate to have raised some good kids now adults who are morally and ethically fine
Yes life is a battle, a lucky dip
I never judge or assess I observe and take in
I never whinge
"I was knew a man who had no shoes...but then I met a man who had no feet"
respectfully dip
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LOL. Okay, where's dinner?
I do the same. "There but for the grace of God go I..." It's darn near impossible in some cases (like the sick father in my poem), but it's not our place to judge; it's our place (when we have kids) to protect, nurture and prepare.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Dawn.
Wow this is such a stark reality of the lengths and depths that a sex predator will go to satisfy their own perverted needs. Who can do that and live comfortably with themselves. These people are worse than the opportunist; cowardly devouring an innocent child for their own gratification. Bring back the death penalty for such vermin.
There got that off my chest.
A powerful poem that all parents should read.
Great write.
Brenda:))x
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Hi Dawn.
Wow this is such a stark reality of the lengths and depths that a sex predator will go to satisfy their own perverted needs. Who can do that and live comfortably with themselves. These people are worse than the opportunist; cowardly devouring an innocent child for their own gratification. Bring back the death penalty for such vermin.
There got that off my chest.
A powerful poem that all parents should read.
Great write.
Brenda:))x
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Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt poem. I can believe that any father can do such horrible things to their own children, it makes my heart weep each time when I read or heard about these type of things.
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A very well-written heartfelt poem. I can believe that any father can do such horrible things to their own children, it makes my heart weep each time when I read or heard about these type of things.
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Comment Written 04-Jan-2017
