Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Mary,

That is a very amazing photo of your grandmother.
She is beautiful! I also give you a lot of credit for
attempting the sonnet form. I can't comment on
your form, but I found it a very good read with
nice imagery and tender and thoughtful sentiments
within it.

Your rhymes are very good as well. I particularly
like the image of her feeding birds and having
them as friends as well as her loneliness that
you describe so well in this...which makes your
title so apt.

Your presentation is stunning.
This must be a very special
poem for you. It was memorable
for me to read.

Linda

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Dec-2016

Thanks Linda for your great comments on my sonnet, I cannot get my head around stressed and unstressed I also did not spend time in learning. I appreciate your kind comments. Mary

Comment from pit viper

Good

I enjoyed this. You really capture the loneliness and feelings of abandonment that can come with old age. The only thing that struck me as "off" was the line "days of yonder", in the first verse. I know you were trying to find a word to rhyme with "ponder" in the fourth line, but "yonder", to me, expresses a geographical distance rather than a time distance, if that makes sense. If it were me, I might try replacing that with "days of yore", and you could change the fourth line to end in "anymore", in order to rhyme with it. In all, however, this was a moving tribute to your grandmother.

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks for your review.

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

A sad, lonely vigil. I hope she finds what she is looking for. Life alone, is not life, merely existence. A terrible way to live, waiting for someone who may never appear.

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thank you Thomas for a kind review.

Comment from Justin Yhoung

Excellent

Spoken from the heart; moved me deeply. That is to say that I felt for her.
She bears the loneliness by making friends with the birds.
Do her kids ever appear?

Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2016

Thanks Justin for your review.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I admired your taking a look at a different aspect of love in this sonnet. Thank you for sharing the special photograph of your grandmother. I admired your rhymes and the way you captured her sense of loneliness. Best wishes in the contest- Joan

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Thanks Joan for your review

Comment from Irish Rain

Excellent

Aw, such a sad sonnet. Lovely picture of your grandmother. Amazing to me, how a mother finds the time for a house full of children...but when they're grown, they can't find time for her. Beautiful entry, blessings...

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016

Thanks for your encouraging review

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

This reminded me of a woman in a Holocaust movie that sat looking out the window as the troops had arrived to save what was left. This is so perfect. Encore.

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016

Thank you for your encouraging review

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written sonnet. A mother always do whatever she can for her children to see them happy, but the children are most of the time selfish and break the mother's heart without thinking what they are doing.

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016

Thanks Sandra for your encouraging review

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very beautiful and heartfelt poem you have penned. It made me think of my grandmother too. She passed a long while ago and was great like that. Great wording and great imagery. Teri

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016

Thanks Teri for your excellent review

Comment from Pantygynt

Good

The content and the development of this excellent and the rhyme scheme is followed well in the first two quatrains. I particularly like the attempts at feminine rhyme (rhyme over two syllables) on the b lines, the even numbered ones in the first two quatrains. However the natural stress of these words is on the penultimate syllable. This is normally dealt with when writing in iambic pentameter by a device known as a metrical subsitution with a feminine ending. The line is extended to 11 syllables and ends on the extra unstressed syllable. For example,

"reflecting on the old days of yonder." The natural stress of yonder falls on the first syllable
"reflecting on the olden days of yonder." or
"reflecting on the good old days of yonder."

Something similar needs to be done with the fourth line of this quatrain and the second and fourth line of the next. In the third quatrain, the third line has lost the rhyme and the couplet needs feminine endings also.

This is a very creditable effort for a first attempt but needs more work pn the meter generally and the lines specifically.

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2016

Thanks for your honest review, I do have a problem with stressed and unstressed and feminine endings, so It just may be my first and last attempt.

reply by Pantygynt on 21-Oct-2016

Don't give up too easily.