Lovely Stream
Awdl Gynt22 total reviews
Comment from Allison78
This poem is breathtaking in it's imagery and the end is heart wrenching and real. This is beautifully written and flows so well. I found it so moving. You did a wonderful job on this!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This poem is breathtaking in it's imagery and the end is heart wrenching and real. This is beautifully written and flows so well. I found it so moving. You did a wonderful job on this!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Allison, thank you very much for the wonderful review and the six stars. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I am enjoying this contest. I can not write these but I love to read them as the flow is so easy and the rhyming makes it sound unique when read aloud.
Very well written and a nice walk with you
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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I am enjoying this contest. I can not write these but I love to read them as the flow is so easy and the rhyming makes it sound unique when read aloud.
Very well written and a nice walk with you
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Barb.
yes, it was a struggle to wrestle the parts of this into the right position. That any of us managed to do it successfully is pretty amazing. That some of us had half-decent poems as well is stupendous!
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Bravo for a powerful poetic contrast with the sweet simple opening and the graphic, sad intensity of the closing twist. Highly effective 'aha' delivery, my friend and well penned with fine rhymes and flawless flow. Favorite lines:
Their laughter echoed through the glen,
and drowned the songs of lark and wren.
It turned my thoughts to other men,
for whom my pen must bleed.
The consonance and other poetic devices woven through are superb.
One suggestion:
Then(,) called to settle some old score,
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Bravo for a powerful poetic contrast with the sweet simple opening and the graphic, sad intensity of the closing twist. Highly effective 'aha' delivery, my friend and well penned with fine rhymes and flawless flow. Favorite lines:
Their laughter echoed through the glen,
and drowned the songs of lark and wren.
It turned my thoughts to other men,
for whom my pen must bleed.
The consonance and other poetic devices woven through are superb.
One suggestion:
Then(,) called to settle some old score,
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Rama, thanks for the very kind words and the sharp eye, not to mention the six stars.
I spent several hours wrestling with the beast last night, and nearly gave up a couple of times.
One of those poems that led me where it wanted. I had no idea of the war theme until I was halfway through stanza 2.
Steve
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Wow...that's amazing that the poem lead you there. Thanks for sharing, Steve.
Best, rd
Comment from Mark Valentine
This is just great ( a better superlative eludes me at present). I love how the place (the stream) remains constant, and the poem focuses on what that place has been witness to at two points in history. The contrast between the present carefree generation playing near the stream, and the violence that put an end to a previous generation of carefree youth is stark. Your use of the first person, the reflective poet as the vehicle that ties the two together, is wonderful.
I've seen the form a few times before, but it never struck me as much as it does here. Fantastic poem!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This is just great ( a better superlative eludes me at present). I love how the place (the stream) remains constant, and the poem focuses on what that place has been witness to at two points in history. The contrast between the present carefree generation playing near the stream, and the violence that put an end to a previous generation of carefree youth is stark. Your use of the first person, the reflective poet as the vehicle that ties the two together, is wonderful.
I've seen the form a few times before, but it never struck me as much as it does here. Fantastic poem!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Mark, thank you very much for the kind words and the six stars - much appreciated.
Yes, I liked how the two halves came to be tied together - almost by accident, I have to tell you, as the main baattle with this was getting the required meter and cross rhymes in place!
Steve
Comment from RoostyNester
This is a very nice awdl gynt poem. Very good story base too! All things that man enjoys now, someone fought and died for. This wonderful world God gave to mankind to enjoy and raise our families. Nice poem.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This is a very nice awdl gynt poem. Very good story base too! All things that man enjoys now, someone fought and died for. This wonderful world God gave to mankind to enjoy and raise our families. Nice poem.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the very kind words.
Steve
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Steve, well done I enjoyed your poem and have spent quite a few minutes reading the requirements for this style and have read quite a few others to understand how these are written and I find this fun to have a go. It is too late for me to enter but I may next time. Your poem is an excellent representive of this style with a great theme although sad. good luck with the contest . I have learn't much by reading this and others so thanks for your poem that came across my page Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Steve, well done I enjoyed your poem and have spent quite a few minutes reading the requirements for this style and have read quite a few others to understand how these are written and I find this fun to have a go. It is too late for me to enter but I may next time. Your poem is an excellent representive of this style with a great theme although sad. good luck with the contest . I have learn't much by reading this and others so thanks for your poem that came across my page Cheers Christine
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Christine, thank you so much for the glowing review and the six shiny stars.
Yes, do have a go, but be prepared for a battle and a certaing amount of frustration as you try to wrestle those rhymes into place.
Steve
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Hi Steve, You are welcome and yes I did have a go and managed to make it into the contest. I found it quite challenging and hope I have done a reasonable job. Getting the rhymes and syllables in the correct order was fun. Have had some positive feedback and I do thank you so much for your poem which prompted mine so once again good luck your is excellent and should be up there Cheers Christine
Comment from krys123
Hi Steve;
-I like your Awdl Gynt poem and even though I am not familiar with this type of poetry I like the format of The intermittent rhythm of two lines of tetrameter and then two lines of trimeter and another verse of rhythm being tetrameter and trimeter.
-I enjoyed your topic as it was to me quite interesting of your coming across some boys who enjoyed the fun in the lives of swimming and playing is you sit down and wrote your work. Then you wrote how their society called these boys, now men, To settle a score and they went off to fight a war in a foreign shore And through a metaphor used the line "a generation lost the war...They died in gore and mud." I guess this happens a lot in countries small or large. But the way you wrote it was pretty outstandingly prolific.
-Excellent rhyming and rhythm.
-great use of enjambment.
-Excellent similes and metaphor.
-Good luck in the contest and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hi Steve;
-I like your Awdl Gynt poem and even though I am not familiar with this type of poetry I like the format of The intermittent rhythm of two lines of tetrameter and then two lines of trimeter and another verse of rhythm being tetrameter and trimeter.
-I enjoyed your topic as it was to me quite interesting of your coming across some boys who enjoyed the fun in the lives of swimming and playing is you sit down and wrote your work. Then you wrote how their society called these boys, now men, To settle a score and they went off to fight a war in a foreign shore And through a metaphor used the line "a generation lost the war...They died in gore and mud." I guess this happens a lot in countries small or large. But the way you wrote it was pretty outstandingly prolific.
-Excellent rhyming and rhythm.
-great use of enjambment.
-Excellent similes and metaphor.
-Good luck in the contest and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Alex. I always appreciate your detailed reviews.
Steve
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You are sincerely and graciously welcomes Steve.
Alex
Comment from Hayley Solomon
What a lovely poem! I have written a couple of poems about Gallipoli (Not awdl gynts) but you have encapsulated the waste, without the gore, the essence without the overt angst. Such a lovely, English country poem (Only a New Zealand country poem!) Reminds me a little of Wordsworth, at least the opening stanzas.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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What a lovely poem! I have written a couple of poems about Gallipoli (Not awdl gynts) but you have encapsulated the waste, without the gore, the essence without the overt angst. Such a lovely, English country poem (Only a New Zealand country poem!) Reminds me a little of Wordsworth, at least the opening stanzas.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Hayley.
I think my English ancestry slips in, even though I have never been there. In my portfolio there is a series of funny poems about Cheezel the Weasel. Now, I guess he could have been a weasel here in NZ, but no, he has a badger for a friend, and goes off to a pirates' convention in Blackpool!
Steve
Comment from create4christ
You've chosen a nice picture for your AWDI GYNT POEM. Good luck with your contest entry. You used perfect rhyming structure, making a nice poem.
Thank you for sharing. ..Penny
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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You've chosen a nice picture for your AWDI GYNT POEM. Good luck with your contest entry. You used perfect rhyming structure, making a nice poem.
Thank you for sharing. ..Penny
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Penny, thnks for the very kind words.
Steve
Comment from fluffnstuff
I must say...that certainly did surprise me with the ending and the OTHER men you were talking about. It certainly provoked this ol brain of mine to think about it.... and i liked it much. fluff
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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I must say...that certainly did surprise me with the ending and the OTHER men you were talking about. It certainly provoked this ol brain of mine to think about it.... and i liked it much. fluff
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Fluff.
Hope it didn't hurt the brain too much. It certainly hurt mine a bit, writing it.
Steve
